Survival of the fittest
by Random1377
Summary: A storm is coming, and Shinji and Hikari are preparing as best they can.  Will their efforts be enough to save the lives of the ones that mean the most to them... and themselves?  R rated for violence and language. Part 4 final chapter online.
1. Survival of the fittest

Disclaimer: Evangelion is owned solely by Gainax animation and not me

Disclaimer: Evangelion is owned solely by Gainax animation and not me. I will gladly remove this story from the Net and delete it from my hard drive rather than face legal action from them.

Survival of the fittest

By Random1377

Shinji Ikari raised the heavy pistol to eye level and carefully edged around the corner of the door. He sighed, "I think we're ok for now…"

He turned to look at his shivering companion, Hikari Horaki, "Are… you sure?" She whispered, her eyes wide. Since this ordeal had begun, Hikari had been stoic and downright courageous… but the strain was starting to get to her – as was the presence of the dead body in the room.

Shinji looked at her steadily, "I said I would protect you, didn't I?" he said softly, "Come on… let's go." He held his hand out to her, "Don't look!" he commanded as her eyes tried to go to the dead man. In a quieter tone, he said, "Hikari… it's not your fault… you had to…" This was the fifth time in the last twenty minutes he had told her this.

Hikari met his eyes, "I… I didn't want to…" and this was her standard reply.

The gun still lay where she had dropped it (like it was electrified) after, -After I killed him…- she thought, trying to keep from bursting into tears.

Shinji set down the huge chrome thing he was carrying (found when he had searched the man… confusing him no end, -Why didn't he just use this?- he had thought at the time), and put both of his hands on her shoulders, "You had to…" he said firmly, "I would have been killed."

She had managed to pull the trigger three times before dropping it with a pained cry. The third had saved his life, taking the man in the temple and flinging him off of Shinji – whom he had been strangling.

"Come on… you'll feel better once we're away from here…" he said gently, pulling on her hand to get her moving. –At least… I hope she will…- he thought grimly. He was afraid that the kickback from the high-caliber pistol may have fractured her wrist… but he had no way to know for sure, he hadn't gotten to First Aid training yet.

They cautiously stepped out of the dilapidated building they had been hiding in when the man had found them and attacked, trying to choke the life from Shinji after slapping Hikari to the ground.

"What about the rest of them?" Hikari asked nervously, pressing up against his back, "Won't they come looking for him?"

Shinji frowned, "I don't know… probably. That's why we have to get out of here as soon as possible." He gestured with the gun, "I think if we can make it into the woods over there we can hide until morning… hopefully by then Misato will be able to track down the beacon in my plugsuit and get us out of here." 

As they moved towards the forest, he thought back to how they'd ended up here in the first place…

__

"This is NeoPath Six-zero-five, calling Metro, come back" Shinji could hear the pilot radio in for a weather report over the huge transport ship's internal speakers.

-Why do we have to hear that?- he wondered idly, -Not like it means anything to us…-

"NeoPath, this is Metro, we've got you…" the response came back, causing Shinji to wince at the static, "looks like you've got an electrical storm between you and the City of Gold, captain… but command says the ship can take it, so go through…" there was a slight pause, "sorry…"

"Not your fault, Metro," the pilot sighed, "we'll get there… she's a tough bird. NeoPath out."

Shinji glanced at the other passenger and looked quickly away. Hikari was a pretty girl, and Shinji had even occasionally thought about what it would be like to be able to talk to her – or maybe even ask her out… but he knew she would never see anything in him

He had looked away because he had found her deep brown eyes staring at him thoughtfully… and her scrutiny made him nervous. To break the tension (the tension he felt, anyway) he said, "So… uh… we'll be there in an hour or so…"

She blinked, "Yeah… I guess so." She really didn't know what to say. Though she went to school with him every day, and was friends with his fellow pilot, she didn't know the quiet pilot of Unit 01 that well… and felt a little edgy around him. He seemed like a calm enough person, but she had heard Touji and Kensuke recount his fight with the fourth angel numerous times, so she knew he COULD be violent.

Shinji gave up trying to start a conversation with her, as she obviously wasn't feeling talkative, and thought instead of the (in his opinion, flawed) reason she was there – namely a certain other EVA pilot, Hikari's friend Asuka Langley Souryu.

Shinji could still hear Asuka's voice whining, 'Oh come ON Misato! I may never get to go to Germany again, PLEEEEEASE let me bring Hikari, I want to show her my old house… please?' 

Misato had been hesitant – and rightly so, it WAS a military mission after all. Asuka had seen her reluctance and shifted to a logical attack so fast that it made Shinji's head spin, 'You said yourself that this was just a milk-run mission,' she pointed out in a reasonable voice, 'what's the big deal?'

Shinji had been stunned when Misato had accepted the girl's argument, but for the life of him he could NOT understand why she had chosen to put the brown-haired girl on the carrier with him instead of the one carrying Unit 02 and Asuka.

He would not get the chance to ask her until much later.

As they entered the cloudbank, the plane was buffeted, making Shinji glad for the X shaped harness securing him. 

Hikari looked downright ill.

"I… have some motion sickness pills…" he said quietly, blushing, "if you want them."

She nodded gratefully, "Thank you…"

He unbuckled himself and went to the emergency preparedness kit stowed by Unit 01's entry plug. As he handed her the small bottle, the plane shook, throwing him against her. His face was only inches from hers.

"S-Sorry…" he whispered, getting hastily off of her. As he tried to right himself, the plane shook once more, harder this time… and alarms began sounding.

The speakers boomed to life again, "This is NeoPath six-zero-five, Mayday! Mayday! Have been fired on, repeat, HAVE BEEN FIRED ON! Damage to engines one, five, and eight! Cannot, repeat, CANNOT maintain altitude, preparing for crash-landing!"

Shinji felt the plane dip into a sharp dive, -Think… THINK!!- His training (limited though it was) took over, "Parachutes!" he said, "Hikari, come on!"

She looked at him, dazed, "Shinji? What's happening?" He almost froze as he realized she was on the verge of passing out from fear.

"Hikari!" he grabbed her buckle, unsnapping it, "We have to get off the plane! It's going down." 

Her eyes met his, "Down? Going down?" She screamed suddenly, piercing his ears with her shrillness, "NO!!!"

He winced, "Hikari… look at me, LOOK AT ME!!" Once he had her attention he said, "Stay with me… I won't let you get hurt, do you understand? I'll protect you… ok?"

"You will?" The look of gratitude on her face was pathetic… and it made Shinji want to cry.

"Yes." he said, without pausing to consider just HOW he was going to protect her… or himself, for that matter. He knew that she needed him though, and he was going to do his best to help her. "Now let's get some parachutes on, ok?"

"Ok…" she agreed, finally focusing on him. To his relief, her eyes cleared, "Yeah… yeah! Let's get out of here!" She got up and moved quickly to where the parachutes were kept and grabbed one, thinking as she slipped it on, -Asuka was wrong about him… he's not weak – not at all!-

Shinji caught the backpack she threw to him and donned it quickly, "Grab a survival pack, too!" he called as he snapped the pack in place.

She nodded, grabbing one of the red packs, "Let's go!"

She moved towards the hatch and prepared to open it when Shinji yelled, "Wait!" He ran to Unit 01's entry plug and tapped a long sequence of keys on the access panel, "There!" he said triumphantly as he was rewarded with a series of beeps. The plug spun through the fuselage of the plane and into the giant mecha, and Hikari heard a loud whirring sound… then the plane lurched.

"What did you do?" She asked as he ran over to her and grabbed the hatch's handles.

"I let her go…" Shinji said, bracing himself and twisting sharply to the left.

Before she could ask what he meant, the hatch popped open and they dove out of the plane… and the earth was rushing up to meet them…

**

On the ground, a group of twenty men watched as the purple mecha detached itself from the huge plane and began a graceless decent to the ground.

"DAMN!" the leader said, "You," he pointed at a rough group of ten men, "go to the plane… make sure no one made it." He turned to the rest of the bunch, "The rest of you, with me…" he smiled broadly, "let's go get our prize…"

They cheered as they mounted their various vehicles and headed towards the downed EVA.

**

They had made it to the woods without incident, and Shinji had started a small fire to keep them warm… trying his best to conceal it so the light was not too obvious.

Hikari shivered, "It's… cold." She said, hugging herself, "I've never… never been cold before."

He looked down at his plugsuit, "Hang on…" he took the survival bag and headed towards the woods, "I'll be right back, don't worry… just like last time." He assured her as she rose, looking nervous. A moment later he reappeared, wearing a simple khaki jumpsuit, "Here…" he said, blushing deeply, "it will keep you warm, it's designed to." She tried to protest, but he thrust the plugsuit at her, "Please," he said, begging her with his eyes, "please let me protect you…"

She nodded finally, "Will it fit me?" she wondered, taking the white and blue suit.

"It… form-fits…" he whispered, then blushed deeper, "but you can't, umm… you can't wear your… your underclothes… with it…" He felt vaguely ill… but not necessarily in a bad way.

She nodded, turning a similar shade of red, and went off into the woods… but not so far that she couldn't see the fire's small glow.

When she returned, Shinji bit back a gasp. His plugsuit had been designed for a male pilot, and while it fit her… it left nothing to the imagination. "Put your shirt on over it…" he whispered, "it'll… help block the wind…" he averted his eyes, hoping she had not seen him admiring her… but he kept shooting tiny glances her way.

Hikari was oblivious to the boy's discomfort as she marveled over the suit itself, "No…" she said absently running her hands over her hips and sides (much to Shinji's chagrin), "this should be fine…" -I can't believe how COMFORTABLE this thing is!- she thought, smiling, -it's so light, it's like I'm wearing nothing at…- Her thought cut off abruptly as she looked down at her clearly visible body, and then at Shinji's beet-red face.

She put her shirt on quickly.

"So," she said, trying to change the subject as quickly as possible, "what's for dinner?"

He smiled thankfully, "Well," he said holding up two cans, "you get your choice… canned, dried beef – or canned, dried chicken."

She frowned in mock-contemplation, resting her chin on her palm and tapping her forefinger on her lips, "Hmmm…" she said, closing one eye and assessing the cans carefully, "I think I'll take… chicken."

"A fine selection, madam, the chicken is excellent... tastes just like chicken." He tried a smile on her as he handed her one of the cans and a plastic fork, trying not to stare at her as he did so. She blushed faintly, trying to ignore his eyes as they kept traveling to hers, then shooting away. They ate quietly, both famished and finding that they had nothing really to talk about. When they were done, Hikari reached up and touched her hair, frowning.

"Damn," she whispered, pulling a broken rubber band out of her hair, "I don't suppose there are any hair clips in the survival kit, are there?" She waved her hand as he began searching, "Oh stop! You know just as well as I do that there aren't!" 

She stopped berating him abruptly as he dropped the bag with a muttered apology, coming to a realization. –That's it,- she thought as she studied his downcast face, -Asuka's always talking about how he's doing stupid things…- to her, looking in a survival kit for hair clips was VERY stupid, -but just now he was trying to be helpful. I wonder how many other 'stupid' things like that he does for her in a day… I wonder if she even sees it?-

He interrupted her thoughts quietly, "Umm... do you want me to braid it... for you...?" he asked hesitantly.

She pulled the other rubber band out, looking at him out of the corner of her eye, "How is it that you know how to braid hair?" she asked curiously, suspecting the answer even as she asked the question.

He blushed, "I… Asuka makes me do it sometimes…"

Hikari figured that he didn't really need to be forced into it… he seemed so eager to please that she suspected he would go find a hive of bees and get stung a dozen times if she said honey sounded like a good idea for the toast. "Ok…" she said quietly, "just… be careful, alright? My hair is all tangled up…"

He nodded and walked over to where she was, sitting down on the log she was leaning against. "I'll be careful…" he promised.

She frowned, his words echoing in her mind… reminding her of the catastrophic descent and what came immediately afterwards…

__

Air… rushing past them… ripping the breath from their lungs and making their eyes tear up.

Shinji yelled over the wind, "Pull the cord! THE CORD!!!" He hoped she had heard him as he yanked the cord on his own chute, his downward motion arresting suddenly.

He looked for her… and his heart stopped.

Below and to the left of him, Hikari was still falling… her parachute strings hopelessly tangled with the survival kit's shoulder strap.

"No… NO!!!" Without thinking, he pulled the release on his main chute, once again accelerating towards the ground.

-I'm going to die… I'm going to DIE!!- Hikari thought frantically, tugging on the strap desperately. She looked down, her eyes widening at the approaching earth. She began to pray… knowing that deliverance was as unlikely as her sprouting wings and flying away to safety.

Her prayer was answered… though not how she thought.

Her breath exploded from her lungs as something slammed into her from the side. She would have screamed had she been able… as it was, she could only gasp feebly as she felt hands tugging at her vest. "NO!" she screamed after her lungs refilled, trying to bat the hands away, -Without a parachute I'll fall!!- Fortunately for her, she was unsuccessful and the tangled chute suddenly broke away.

Together, they plummeted faster…

"HIKARI!!" Shinji screamed, "Pull the red cord on your vest!!" She didn't (or couldn't) hear him… she had her eyes pinched tightly closed as she flailed against him frantically.

-No time…- he thought as he looked at the ground coming up fast. He wrapped his left arm around her waist and yanked the cord for her, hoping that one chute could support them… unwilling to let her go.

As the secondary chute popped, Hikari opened her eyes… understanding flooding through her in an instant. "Shinji!" Her hand shot out and grabbed the front of his button up shirt, tearing it slightly, as his grip on her waist was almost pulled free from the force of the chute jerking them back up as it caught the air.

She looked into his eyes as they continued their (much slower) approach, seeing fear and relief starkly contrasting. "Hang on!" she said, bunching her fist tighter as the fabric tore further.

After several desperate minutes (with Shinji's shirt tearing more, and his grip slipping steadily), they hit the ground hard, trying to roll with the impact but ending up severely bruised anyway… but better bruised than the alternative.

Shinji lay a few feet from Hikari, panting for breath and trying not to cry, -I need to be strong…- he thought, -I need to… for her…-

Hikari felt no such inhibition, and wept openly. When she finally got herself under control, she gasped, "Sorry… I… I panicked…"

"No…" he said as he sat up, wincing slightly, "you don't have to apologize." He blinked in outright shock as the survival kit (still tangled in the parachute) thumped down not fifteen feet from where they were. He smiled faintly, "Maybe someone IS watching out for us…" he mused. His smile disappeared as he looked down at his pants… and the wide wet spot in the front.

He got to his feet, "Sit tight for a second," he said, trying to sound as nonchalant as he could, "I'm going to put on my plugsuit…" he pulled his shirt away from his body as explanation.

She closed her eyes, flushing slightly, "I… ok… sorry…"

"It's really ok…" he said, then paused for a moment as he pulled the suit out of the survival pack, "you saved my life you know…" he said quietly, "if you hadn't grabbed my shirt I would have fallen… you don't have to apologize for my shirt."

She avoided his eyes, "You saved mine by pulling the cord, I would have d-"

"Hikari…" he cut her off, flushing himself, "we can argue about who saved who for hours… but I think maybe we should get going before the people who shot us down find us," he smiled to lighten the mood, "I think they would agree with me that you saved my life, but I don't really want to be around to ask them…"

She answered her smile with one of her own, "Ok… but change fast, ok? I don't want to be alone out here…"

He nodded and walked into the forest.

When he retuned (feeling much drier and less shameful) he said, "I think I saw an old house over the hill about a mile from here… we should go there and hide."

She nodded and climbed to her feet, shouldering the bag, "What then?" she asked as they started walking, "We can't just live there…"

"I know…" he nodded, "I think we should head for Unit 01… It'll be just fine."

Something tickled her mind at this comment, but she couldn't pin it down.

They walked in silence to the rundown building, never noticing the four wheeler hidden in the brush to the side of the building… or the fact that the lock had been recently broken.

They carefully emptied the survival kit onto the floor, finding basic survival goods… and a nine-millimeter pistol, complete with two clips. Shinji slid a clip into the gun with inexperienced hands, and chambered a round. –Where's the safety on this thing?- He thought. 

It looked similar to the one Misato carried and had trained him with… but it didn't have the small lever by the finger guard, but rather a small push button (which was currently pushed to the left, exposing a red end) He set the gun down with exquisite care, hoping the safety was on…knowing he would have to find out soon for their protection… hoping he would never have to use it on a person.

"We need to be careful," he said quietly, "they could find us at any t-"

That was when the man leapt out of the small closet, backhanding Hikari and grabbing Shinji around the throat

Hikari cried out as she hit the floor. Looking up in a daze as Shinji was shoved against the rotting wooden wall hard enough to break several of the boards. He gasped, trying to pry the fingers off of his throat.

Hikari fumbled back behind her for something – ANYTHING – she could use to help Shinji… a can… a jumpsuit… a StickLight… nothing useful… until her fingers closed on the cold, bushed steel of the pistol.

-Oh God… oh God…- she thought, bringing the firearm around to bear, -Oh God…- her mind kept repeating it over and over like a dual-syllabic prayer as she held the gun in both hands and pulled the trigger…

She closed her eyes to block out the memory as she felt his hands begin to run through her hair. She frowned, expecting to feel rough fingers yanking her hair out by the roots. Her eyes opened wide as instead she found him gently parting the strands, taking great care not to pull too hard. –Asuka…- she thought, leaning further back against his legs, -you've been holding out on me…-

She wondered if Asuka meant all that she said about Shinji. So far, he had been everything Asuka said he was not: he was kind, thoughtful, strong, courageous, and very, very sweet. She felt bad for believing all that her friend had told her rather than finding out for herself.

"Shinji?" she asked suddenly, leaning forward as a thought hit her, "Why didn't we just get into Unit 01? You said that it would survive the fall, couldn't we have gotten in and activated it?"

His hands stopped moving and he mumbled something too low for her to hear before he continued, moving slower than before. When she asked him to repeat himself he sighed deeply, "I… didn't think of it…" he admitted in a tone that screamed 'I am such a loser!' "I just wanted to get us out of there, and well… when a plane is crashing you jump out." He sighed again, disgustedly, "That's why Asuka calls me an idiot all the time… because I am."

"You've kept us alive this long," she whispered, "I don't think that's the sign of an idiot…"

"We've been lucky…" he said angrily, "we could have been killed a hundred different times."

"Yes," she admitted, "but Shinji… we weren't. And that's thanks to you."

He began carefully braiding her hair into a long ponytail down her back, "Well… I just hope we can survive long enough that Misato and Asuka can rescue us…" he said quietly, thinking, -I would never forgive myself if something happened to you.-

Hikari closed her eyes as he kept stroking her hair, fighting the temptation to just fall asleep against him as he finished up, "I wonder where they are, anyway…" she whispered.

**

"What the hell do you mean, you can't fix it!?" Misato screamed, "I have a downed plane, a missing Evangelion, and a pilot that I think of as my own son trapped in the forest somewhere probably freezing to death, and YOU CAN'T FIX IT?!"

She looked at the huge black plane with disgust as the technician confirmed that NeoPath Five-two-three was not going anywhere… ever. 

She looked past the plane to the other craft on the runway, -None of them can carry Unit 02,- she thought bitterly, -and we can't exactly just leave it lying around here, now can we!?- Her eyes picked out Asuka's red plugsuit moving towards her.

"No." The redhead said flatly as she got close enough to her guardian that the woman could hear her, "There are absolutely no EVA facilities at this site," she paused for emphasis, "none."

"DAMN!" The purple-haired woman yelled, "This SUCKS! What good is an emergency base if it's not stocked for an emergency?!"

"Misato?" Asuka asked quietly, looking out at the rough terrain, "Do you… think they're ok?"

The older woman tired to gauge the Second Child's mood, but finally gave up as she found her calm mask impenetrable, "I think so…" she said slowly, "Shinji's a smart boy…"

"He's an idiot," Asuka whispered softly, almost out of reflex, "and he's going to get himself killed."

"You're worried about him, aren't you?" Misato said softly. As the redhead whirled to protest, her guardian put a hand up, "Save it… it's ok, you know… they're both your friends."

Asuka's mouth snapped shut, and Misato saw the briefest flash of concern cross her face, "I'm just worried that he'll try and do something to Hikari… the pervert."

Misato smiled, "Ok, Asuka… you worry about that, and I'll worry about everything else…"

Asuka looked at her out of the corner of her eye… and smiled softly.

**

Hikari woke suddenly in the middle of the night to an odd clacking sound, "Shinji?" she whispered, trying to look everywhere at once.

She stole a glance at the watch built into the back of the plugsuit's hand, and saw that it was three in the morning, -Great,- she thought, bringing herself up into a crouch and feeling around on the ground for the big chrome gun, -he can tell everyone that I was eaten by a wild animal at exactly three-ten… if he doesn't get eaten too!- She stopped looking for the gun as she identified the source of the sound.

Shinji's teeth were chattering in the cold air.

"Oh, Shinji…" she whispered. The survival kit had been missing the thermal blanket that it should have contained (along with matches… Shinji had had to start the fire with two sticks) and he was as close to the guttering fire as he could get, shivering fiercely.

She stood undecided for a moment, absently running her hand up and down her (not at all cold) arm before coming to a decision. She quietly crossed the small clearing and lay down beside him, -Forgive me Touji… it's just one night…- she thought, carefully wrapping her arms around Shinji.

His shivers slowed and finally stopped as the plugsuit began generating more heat. To Hikari's surprise (and slight consternation) Shinji rolled to face her and put his arms around her, sighing contentedly and resting his face on her shoulder.

Hikari had never been this close to a boy… except for Touji. She thought of her boyfriend, or rather, the boy she liked. She couldn't properly call him her boyfriend as he refused to call her his girlfriend. Some days, he even refused to see her when she came to visit him. 

She thought about the time she visited him and told him how she felt…

__

"Why do you keep coming here?" He asked her. She knew his therapy had been hard that day, because he was sweating profusely… but she told him anyway.

"I… because I love you, Touji…" she confessed.

His reaction had not been what she had hoped for, "You love me?" he echoed, frowning, "Look at me, Hikari!" he threw back the bed sheet, revealing his missing leg, "Even if I wanted to, I could never love you the way you deserve to be loved… you should find someone else… someone whole."

She practically dove onto his bed, "I don't want anyone else," she cried, "I only want you… I've always wanted to be yours… please… don't push me away…"

But push her away is exactly what he did, "Don't visit me anymore, Hikari…" he said, "you're wasting your time."

She tried to kiss him, but he turned his head away, "Please…" she whispered, crying as he pushed her back again, "I love you so much… don't make me leave…"

He turned his head further and said nothing.

Finally she could take no more, and she ran sobbing from the room…

In spite of his harsh words, she still kept visiting him… her insides twisting in agony as he became more and more withdrawn from her.

She looked at Shinji's sleeping face, "Do you still blame yourself for him?" she whispered quietly, "He doesn't, you know… he knows it wasn't your fault…"

Shinji frowned in his sleep and burrowed his face deeper into her shoulder, mumbling something about making breakfast in a minute. She sighed, realizing that she felt safe just then.

Hikari wasn't a stupid girl… she knew that this feeling of closeness was generated from the constant tension and fear of being on the run.

But right then, with his arms around her and his breath warming her neck, it didn't matter… all that mattered was that this boy was close to her, and that she liked it. She closed her eyes and held him tighter, knowing that she would probably never hold him again, and closed her eyes… drifting off with a small, content smile.

**

Martin did not consider himself to be impatient… but he was starting to lose his cool as his man gave a run down of where everyone was – in intricate detail. They had made it to the Evangelion Unit in a reasonable amount of time, but had found (at the cost of one of his men) that it had been locked down with a rather nasty security system… and only the pilot had the code.

His mind wandered as the man rambled on, -I knew it wouldn't be a walk in the park,- he thought, -but this is fucking ridiculous!- They had not been able to scrape all of the man's remains off of the purple mecha…

His ears perked up, "Back up," he said, "what happened to Klaus?" He asked, not quite believing what he had heard.

The man paused, "They found him in a run down shack… bullet in his head."

Martin blinked, "KLAUS??!" He asked, stunned, "Twenty years in the military, benches two-fifty, can kill with a bamboo-shoot, Klaus?"

The other man described the situation (in painstaking detail), and Martin started to get the picture. –Careless…- he thought, -Klaus always DID like the feel of the kill too much… guess he found out that savoring it's a bad idea…- He shook his head as the man finished, "Ok… so we know they're headed towards the EVA." He smiled, "So all we need to do is sit tight and wait for them to come to us. What about the plane and its crew? Taken care off?"

"Well," the man hesitated, "one of the pilot's survived the crashed… and he's holed up in the plane…" he swallowed, "and he killed Gustav…"

Martin sighed in aggravation, "Am I dealing with fucking rookies??" He stood from where he had been sitting on a rock and the man flinched but stood his ground (he had seen Martin beat men close to death for making stupid mistakes – though he never killed them. He believed that that would be wasteful…), "Why hasn't someone tossed him a grenade to think about, hmm?" Martin asked, frowning deeply.

"W-well…" the man stammered, "Hans thought that we should save the plane, and-"

"Tell Hans to stop thinking with his wallet," Martin cut him off, "blow the damn thing up! We're here for one thing and one thing ONLY! Clear?"

The man nodded and hurried off to find the long-range walkie-talkie that would put him in touch with (the soon to be in severe pain) Hans.

Martin sighed once more, "Morons…" He walked over and regarded the face down EVA that was the source of his growing headache. "Your pilot's coming… soon this'll all be over…"

The EVA, of course, had nothing to say on the matter.

Martin leaned up against the giant mecha's shoulder, and waited…

**

Shinji held Hikari's hand tightly, "Watch out… the rocks are slippery…"

She nodded, letting him lead her up the small mountain they were climbing (though it was less a mountain and more a large hill).

He frowned. She had been curiously silent since this morning, when he had awakened to find her staring at him from her spot on the log across the now-dead fire with an odd look on her face.

Hikari's mind was also revolving around that morning, though for different reasons. –Why did I do that?- she wondered, -I love Touji… why did I DO that!?- She thought of the soft, warm feel of his sleeping lips against hers. It was a small thing, really, barely more than a peck, given as she had woken from her restful sleep. Just a small infidelity… but an infidelity nonetheless. She blushed at the memory of pulling him close to her, -He was freezing…- she told herself, -I had to keep him warm…- But she still felt like she had somehow cheated on Touji.

"I think we're almost there," Shinji said, making his voice light, -I wonder if she had a nightmare…- he thought suddenly, -I know I did…- He smiled faintly as he remembered the end of that dream. It had started with him stranded on a snow-covered mountain, trying desperately to find shelter before he froze to death. In the dream, (as the wind blew harder, making his eyes feel like they were freezing), he had finally found a cave and stumbled into it… his shivers finally fading and disappearing as he went deeper into the warm, safe darkness.

He wondered idly if the dream held any deeper meaning – if it meant that he was starting to feel something for the girl that was with him… or if he had ALWAYS felt something for her. He looked at her as she made her way up the hill a little ways ahead of him and sighed sadly, -Doesn't really matter what *I* feel,- he thought morosely, -she loves Touji…- 

He recalled visiting Touji briefly…

__

"Stop moping!" Touji said, a forced smile on his face, "It's so annoying! No wonder Asuka is always complaining." Shinji opened his mouth to apologize, but Touji cut him off, "And don't tell me your sorry!"

"I…" Shinji's mouth closed and he cleared his throat, "so, umm…" he changed the subject, unknowingly picking the worst one possible, "I hear that Hikari visits you a lot… that's-" He stopped abruptly as Touji's eyes became hard.

"What?" Touji said coldly, "Did she tell you how she comes to see me all the time, smothering me in her pity? Saying she loves me?"

Shinji blinked, "No, I-"

Touji cut him off, "I don't want pity, Shinji! Not from her, OR from you!"

"I…" Shinji was at a loss for words. He focused on Hikari so he wouldn't have to deal with his own guilt, "But… what if she really DOES love you?" He asked, trying to find a way out of the conversation.

"What if she does?!" Touji shot back, "I don't love her – I CAN'T love her!"

Shinji was shocked at the anger and hurt in his friend's voice, "Why…?" he asked softly, "Why can't you?"

Touji's anger fled in an instant, "I can't explain it to you, Shinji…" he said tiredly, "just trust me… it wouldn't work out."

Shinji didn't know how to reply, so he just nodded. The visit lasted another ten awkward minutes before Touji said he was tired and asked Shinji to leave…

"Do you know what I would be doing right now?" Hikari spoke up suddenly, breaking Shinji from his reverie, "If we were home, I mean…" he shook his head and she went on, "since it's Thursday, I would be having tea with my sisters right now. We always have tea on Thursday afternoons…"

He smiled at the image of her sitting and laughing with two other girls that looked (he imagined) like younger versions of herself, "I'd probably be making dinner for Asuka and Misato right now…" he mused.

It was her turn to smile as she imagined him (quite accurately, actually) in a little white apron, cutting vegetables as the two women he lived with nagged him to hurry up. "I'll bet you're a good cook." She said with a small laugh at the image still in her mind of Shinji shaking a big butcher knife in a motherly fashion as the two girls argued about some inane thing or another.

He grinned, "Yeah," he said with a shrug, "I guess I'm ok…"

"Well," she said, letting go of his hand to climb to the next plateau, "you certainly make a mean can of dried chick-"

She was cut off as gunfire erupted below them.

**

Martin smiled as his men opened fire on the two teens above them, "Remember," he said as the two scrambled for cover, "just scare 'em… and DON'T hit the one in the bodysuit!"

**

Hikari hugged the rock face, "AHH!!!" she cried out as bullets peppered the hillside.

Then she was falling, her fingers unable to maintain their grip.

Shinji's hand flashed out and caught hers, "Hikari," he gasped, sprawling full length on the hard ground, "don't… don't let go!"

But it was a failing proposition. The slippery plugsuit fabric made a firm grip impossible for either of them. He met her eyes as she slid through his fingers. "NO!!!" he screamed as she fell down the hill, rolling to the bottom amidst a group of hard looking men. His only consolation was the fact that she sat up and shook her head… alleviating the fear that the fall had killed her.

Martin smiled down at his prize as the boy scurried back into the rocks, "Hi there, pilot…" he said softly.

The girl glared up at him, ignoring the blood running down her cheek from a long scrap on her forehead.

Shinji moved carefully around to a better spot, trying to keep low, -Hang on…- he thought, frowning deeply as he hefted the gun in his hands, -just hang on, Hikari…-

Martin spoke quietly to the girl, "You and your friend up there have been quite busy… we expected you to come through the woods, not over the hill. We almost missed you." He smiled as she continued to glare at him defiantly.

"Hey," one of the other men said, "I thought the pilot was a guy?"

Martin frowned, looking at the 01 imprinted on the girl's chest, "Maybe this is a backup pilot… or maybe the test pilot for the new Unit," he shrugged, "I don't know. She doesn't fit the profile of any of the pilots we have information on, but she's wearing a plugsuit and is the right age… maybe she's a new recruit."

Hikari blinked, -They think I'm the pilot…- she thought, -maybe if they keep thinking that, Shinji can get away.- She folded her arms in front of her and sat in what she hoped was a regal position, continuing to glare menacingly.

"Yeah," Martin smiled, "she's a pilot." He crouched down and drew his pistol, brandishing it in front of her eyes (which widened, though she made no sound), "Now," he said softly, "let's take care of your, what? Boyfriend? No… not on a military mission… guardian? Maybe…" He laughed, "Guess it doesn't really matter… you two have been quite the nuisance."

Shinji leaned up against the rock, -Think… THINK!- He knew he had to kill at least one of them, then maybe he could get Hikari out in the confusion, especially if he shot, "The leader…" he whispered, pulling the large hammer back to allow for quicker firing. He took a deep breath to steady his nerves as his mind raced, -I don't want to kill ANYONE!!- Half of his brain screamed, -I have no choice…- the other half whispered. His internal argument was interrupted as a booming voice called out to him.

"Hey there!" Martin said jovially, standing and putting his gun gently against the back of the girl's head, "Why don't you give it up son?" He said reasonably, "All the cards are in my hand, and I'd hate for anything… bad to happen to your little pilot here." 

Shinji blinked in surprise as the man's next comment hit him harder than he thought it would, "You're her guardian, right? Don't you think the best way to protect her would be by following the path of least resistance? She's awfully pretty… it would be a shame if I had to spoil that."

Shinji closed his eyes tightly, then opened them with a frown, -Yes,- he thought with a trace of guilt at letting her be captured in the first place, -I AM her guardian now… I said I would protect her… and I WILL!-

He made his move, bringing the huge gun to bear as he sprang up from his hiding place. He aimed quickly at the leader, standing behind Hikari with his gun at her head, and fired.

__

"Remember," Misato said as they stood on the pistol range, "squeeze – don't pull… the trigger needs a light touch."

She stood behind him, her hands resting lightly over his. Oddly, it was the closest they had been in weeks, as work and school conspired to keep them apart. And they never really got VERY close, it just wasn't the way either of them was… but each of them knew on a very deep level that there was love in every touch – even when she was showing him how to shoot.

"Misato?" He said, hesitating before firing, "Will I ever need to use this training? I mean – I shouldn't have to, right? I'm just a pilot…"

For a moment, her arms tightened around him in a genuine hug – though she would not have admitted it to anyone had she been pressed (except maybe him). "No… you shouldn't have to," she said softly, "but you need to be prepared for anything. As much as I want to, I might not always be able to protect you…" she paused before continuing in an even softer voice, "and I want to make sure you're safe."

She shook herself, "Now," she said briskly, "exhale as you squeeze, it'll make your shot more accurate…"

The roar of the gun was deafening as all of the magnum round's cordite burned true, hurling the slug down the gun's long barrel at over fourteen-hundred feet per second and producing a long tongue of fire that proceed the bullet out. It was so loud that it masked the loud snapping sound of the radius in Shinji's right wrist giving way. He dropped the gun with a cry as it jammed, the slide colliding with the shell as he failed to control the discharge.

**

Martin barely had time to blink as the boy popped up and fired. If the boy's aim had not been sullied by the kickback, he would be dead. As it was, the bullet whirred by his head, two feet off the mark.

He smiled at the boy's guts, -He must know there's more than seven of us down here… and I doubt he's ever fired anything that big in his life…- this suspicion was confirmed as the boy dropped the gun and clutched his wrist, loosing a wretched cry of pain.

Martin's smile faded and he sighed regretfully, -Sorry, kid…- he thought.

He inclined his head slightly at the boy, just a little sign of respect at his bravery. "Take him." He said quietly.

Two seconds later, the air was filled with screaming lead.

**

Shinji was still reeling from the fiery pain in his arm when he heard the staccato rhythm of automatic gunfire. Desperately, he tried to throw himself to the side as a multitude of bullets swarmed his way.

Two found their mark – one nicking his shoulder… the other slamming into his chest on the right side.

"Ahhh!" he cried out as he hit the ground, temporarily shielded by the rocks.

He gasped as his body reported flaring agony from three locations, "Hikari…" he whispered, struggling not to black out.

**

"Shinji!!" Hikari screamed as she watched him go down, "NO!!!"

"Shit!" Martin said angrily, recognizing the name, "Cease fire! STOP SHOOTING, DAMNIT!! HE'S the pilot!"

"Very clever…" he said admiringly as he looked at the girl's downturned face, "very clever indeed…"

-I'm sorry Shinji…- she thought miserably as she stared at the ground.

"Go get him – ALIVE." Martin ordered, "He's the nice young man that's going to open that purple can for us so we can finally go the fuck home!"

He dragged the girl to her feet, "And he WILL help us," he whispered to her quietly, "oh yes… he will…"

He allowed himself a small smile as he felt victory tiptoe a tiny bit closer.

**

Shinji scrabbled up to a sitting position, groaning as pain assailed him from every side. He reached behind him with his left hand, holding his shattered right one up against him, and pulled out the other gun (retrieved when Hikari was not looking… just in case). Awkwardly, he pulled the hammer back with his left thumb, gasping as another wave of pain washed over him.

As he waited for them to come for him, he thought about his conversation with Hikari as they walked towards Unit 01…

__

"Hikari?" Shinji said suddenly as they made their way through the woods, "Why were you on the plane I was on? Why weren't you with Asuka?"

She paused, "You don't know?" She asked, blinking.

He shook his head, "No…" he said, confused, " why would I?"

She stopped, "Because…" she said, growing confused herself, "Misato said that you didn't want to be alone, and she had to stay with Unit 02… and that you wanted to know if I would ride with you…"

Shinji shook his head, laughing a bit, "Misato said that?" He could easily believe it from the purple-haired woman. Behind the façade of 'careless, beer-swilling party girl' that she liked to project, she was actually a very kind woman. Shinji was glad she was his guardian… and friend.

Hikari frowned, "You… you didn't want me to keep you company?"

Shinji's laughter choked off, "No…" he said, putting a hand on her shoulder, "that's not it at all, I just…" he searched for the right words, finally giving up and choosing a different path, "I'm glad that you were there with me…" he said, letting his hand fall away from her shoulder and shoving it deep in his pocket, "I really don't like being alone. And I…" he flushed and looked away from her face, "I'm glad you're here with me now. I don't think I could have done this alone… you saved my life."

She looked at the ground and flushed also, remembering how nice it had been to hold him while he slept… and how alone he must be the rest of the time. "You saved mine too-" she cut herself off as she realized they were starting the same argument as last night all over… she laughed, feeling for the first time that things MIGHT turn out ok.

"Come on," Shinji said, putting his hand on her shoulder again and resuming their march, "I think once we get over that hill we'll be able to see her."

She felt no urge to remove his hand…

Shinji brought his attention back to the present, swinging the gun from left to right as he realized that only his back was covered. –DAMN!- he thought, angry with himself for being so careless, -Guess that tactical training didn't take…- he thought absently as he settled on the left side to cover, hearing the scrape of boots on rock from that direction.

A face peeked around one of the rocks and Shinji pulled the trigger twice, screaming out his fear. The face pulled back quickly… not that it would have mattered, as his shots both went wide and to the left.

Injured… out of breath… panicked… shooting with his off-hand… Shinji never had a chance.

He heard a sound behind him and whipped around – too late. He was just in time to see a meaty fist rushing towards his face. It landed with the force of a jackhammer, knocking his head back against the rock he was leaning against and sending him rushing into unconsciousness.

"He's out," the man said, "help me carry him." Another man came out from behind the rocks and grabbed Shinji under one arm while the first man got his other one. Together they carried him down the hill, leaving the gun where it fell from his limp fingers.

As they returned, Martin frowned at the bruised eye, even now swelling shut. He shrugged after a moment, -Well,- he thought, -at least he's alive…- he looked at the wounds on the boy, -don't know how long though…- To his men, he said, "And how is our little pilot?"

"He's all kinds of fucked up, boss…" the man holding Shinji's left arm said, "no way he'll last more than four, maybe five hours like this…"

Martin nodded as the girl moaned in despair behind him, "Well," he said, "let's get to the Unit… it's only twenty minutes away – which gives us a good three hours to get the codes out of him," he looked at the quietly weeping girl, "not that we'll need that long I think… but why dally?"

It ended up taking thirty, as the girl kept breaking down and crying every time she looked at the unconscious boy. Finally, one of the men had ended up slinging her over his shoulder, helping himself to a feel as he did.

When they arrived, Martin had the men prop the pilot up against the mecha, observing the blood that smeared on the purple finish as the boy slid slightly to the side, -Four hours my ass…- he thought, -I give him an hour and a half – tops.-

He had one of his men bring him the survival kit that they had found by the boy, rummaging in it until he found some smelling salts. He cracked the vial open and held it under the boy's nose.

Shinji awoke with a start, groaning in pain as the sudden movement made his wounds throb. He looked around in a daze, seeing well over a dozen men. He looked around frantically until he found Hikari, on her knees with a gun pressed to her head… but alive.

He fixed his uninjured storm-blue eye on the man that had wakened him, the leader of the group, "What do you want?" He asked coldly.

"Ahhh!" The man said, obviously pleased, "Right down to business… I like that attitude, Mister Ikari."

Shinji shivered. They knew his name… they knew he was a pilot. He became aware of the fact that he was leaning against something metal and turned his head, gasping as he saw an expanse of purple behind him and everything came together.

They wanted the EVA.

Shinji smiled, feeling a very brief stab of pride, "Having trouble opening her hatch?" He asked softly.

"OOOO!!!" The man said, laughing, "And he's cool under fire! I LIKE it!" He grinned at the boy, "Yes, actually…" he said, speaking as if he was asking for Shinji's advice on a girl problem, "she seems uncooperative… thought you might be able to help us out with some codes, my young friend."

"I'm not your friend," Shinji whispered, his eye shooting daggers, "you make me sick!"

"Don't be a sore loser," the man said, his smile broadening, "it ill becomes you."

Shinji looked away, his eye finding Hikari's, "I'm sorry you had to be here…" he said, ignoring the man for a minute as he spoke directly to her, "you should have ridden on the other plane… then you would be safe. I failed to protect you… I'm sorry…"

Martin blinked as the boy finished and brought his attention back to him, "That's a very noble sentiment," he said softly, "I must say I respect you for your strength in the face of adversity… and your chivalry for trying to protect what I now see to be a friend of yours."

"What would you know about chivalry?" Shinji whispered angrily, "You're a jackal… preying on the weak for your own personal gain."

"It's a rough world out there, Mister Ikari," Martin said with an almost sad smile, "survival of the fittest." He shook his head, "Me and my men just happened to be fitter than you and your little girlfriend here… though I will admit you made a hell of a run of it." His smile became admiring, "HELL of a run!" He stepped back and pulled Hikari to her feet, his smile falling away, "Now give me the override code, or she dies…"

"Survival of the fittest – HA!" Shinji spat, knowing he was going to die if he gave them the codes or not… and he had nothing more to lose – nothing except the life of the girl he had sworn to protect. "Looks more like a group of mercenaries beating up on a couple of kids to me… at least in school the bullies had the guts to fight you one on one!"

Martin cocked the gun and pressed it against Hikari's neck. Her breath quickened, but she made no sound… staring into Shinji's eye the whole time for strength. "Look, kid…" Martin said, "call it what you want to. I've had a long day, and you've led us on a merry chase… but it's over. I don't want to kill her, she seems like a nice girl." He shook his head, "I don't want to kill you either, but judging by that hole in you… it's probably too late."

At this, Hikari let out a small whimper. Martin ignored her and went on, "I'll tell you what… give me the codes, and I'll let her go free."

"NO!" Hikari yelled, "He's lying, he'll-" She was cut off as the gun was pushed softly but insistently tighter against her neck.

"I never lie," Martin said coolly, "now make your choice, Mister Ikari – the EVA, or the girl."

"If I give you the codes…" Shinji said quietly, holding the man's eyes with his good one, "she gets out alive – untouched by your men." 

Martin nodded, smiling slightly, -Come on, kid…- he thought with an interior smile, -you get what you want, I get what I want… everyone goes away happy. Well,- he added to himself, -YOU get to be happy as long as you live… which ain't gonna be long.-

Shinji looked from the leader to Hikari, trying to make up his mind. Finally, he settled on the man's eyes and whispered, "Ok… the code is 8s89f92g96y3…" as he rattled off the entire code sequence, he averted his eyes trying to ignore the man's triumphant smile.

When the boy had finished Martin said, "Thank you, Mister Ikari… now as I promised." He pulled Hikari back so her ear was in line with his mouth, and whispered, "If you put your hands on the top and the bottom of that wound and push inward, you'll give him another twenty minutes or so… go on… go to him."

Hikari looked at him uncertainly for a second, then ran to Shinji and pressed her hands against his side as she had been instructed.

Martin smiled sadly, -Too bad…- he thought, -the kid had spunk.- he turned and walked back towards his men ,"Bring me the interface set." One of them ran forward and handed him a black headband. He held it up, "See this, Mister Ikari?" He said, aching to tell someone who would understand, "Duplicates the brainwave pattern of your friend, the Second Child. Kind of like your 'dummy plug system' – only this allows ME to control the Unit."

Shinji's eye widened as he finally grasped the depths of this theft.

Martin nodded, "I see that you get it… I'm glad," he said, "I would hate for you to die without knowing what all of this was about."

Shinji nodded, "You didn't care…" he said softly, grimacing as Hikari kept the pressure on his side, "you didn't care WHICH Unit you got… you just wanted-"

"No, Mister Ikari…" the man cut him off, "we cared very much. Unit 01 was to be captured at all costs… Unit 02 was to be captured if possible, destroyed if not – including any pilots or support crew." He smiled, "You see… I'm disobeying orders by letting you live."

"Thanks…" Shinji whispered sarcastically.

Martin was about to respond when his ears picked up the dull throb of a plane's engines, "No…" he whispered, "there's no way they could have gotten it back off the ground…" He raised his voice, "Get ready! Rocket launcher on standby!" One of his men broke out the soviet made rocket launcher and prepared one of the two remaining rockets, dropping to one knee and propping the weapon up on his shoulder.

The throb became a roar as the huge black plane came into view. Numerous dots detached themselves from the ship and began to descend, preceded by a huge red shape.

"Fire now!" Martin ordered, knowing it might already be too late. The rocket arced skyward, but exploded in front of the red shape that was fast approaching the ground, deflected by a glowing octagonal shield. The second shot would have been wasted, as the plane continued its flight, rising out of range. Unit 02 continued its drop as the carrier cruised past, overshooting the landing zone and crashing to the ground five miles beyond the site. 

Martin looked at the sky in dismay, seeing that it was filled with falling men… all of them armed. "Fuck it…" he said softly, then yelled, "open fire! Take as many in the air as you can and we'll take the rest on the ground."

He looked back to the pilot and his friend, "Hate to have to go back on my word, young man," he said, his voice showing actual regret as he brought his pistol up and trained it on Shinji, "but the situation's changed, you see."

"I don't FUCKING think so!" A strong female voice said, directly over his head.

He looked up in time to see a set of legs come crashing into his chest, knocking him backwards as the woman the feet were attached to cut her chute loose and came in for a landing. She rolled to her feet and aimed her gun at him, scowling deeply, then moved slowly over to check on the pilot of Unit 01.

"Man down!" Misato yelled into the com device on her wrist, keeping her gun trained on the big man, "Get me a medical team on the ground now!" She listened to the reply from the huge, circling plane, "I don't care if it's a hotspot!" She said furiously as gunfire chattered all around her, "It's the Third Child! He's been hit! Now you get a team down here now or I will personally kill every last one of you!!"

A black ball detached from the plane and began to drop to the ground, a parachute popping open and slowing its descent.

She nodded in satisfaction as the med team began its approach, then stood and walked over to the leader of the men that had done all of this noting with some satisfaction that the NERV special forces team was making short work of the mercenaries. "You fucking bastard," she whispered fiercely, "this is for my boy!" She planted the gun flat against his chest and pulled the trigger twice in rapid succession.

He winced, but did not go down. Before Misato could react, he snatched the gun from her with his left hand and drove his right into her solar plexus.

She gasped as the air left her lungs in a rush. She looked up with dazed eyes as he brought the butt of the gun down on her forehead, knocking her several feet back. Her eyes rolled back as darkness filled her vision.

Martin felt his chest, grimacing as he felt the broken ribs under his vest. "Careless-" he looked at the stripes on the neck of her uniform, "Major... never let personal feelings get in the way of doing your job." He had felt the vest under her jacket as his fist dug into her, and he would not make the same mistake. He carefully drew aim at her forehead, "Hope you don't hold this against me..." he said.

He froze as an inhuman roar echoed through the forest. He looked up in time to see something huge and purple streaking towards him, and he closed his eyes, sure that he was about to die. When he was still breathing a moment later, he opened them. Covering the unconscious woman was a huge hand... connected to a huge arm... connected to a huge Evangelion... that was staring him down.

"Fuck..." he whispered. Not being a stupid man, he turned to run… only to find a red counterpart to the purple mecha coming into the clearing. In an instant, its hand flashed out and seized him, carrying him into the air.

"Asuka, NO!" Shinji yelled as Unit 02 grabbed the leader, "Don't kill him!"

Asuka's entire body was shaking. Rage and fear tore through her body in equal doses – rage at this horrible man now clutched in her EVA's hand for what he had done… fear that the boy she secretly looked up to was beyond any hope of survival (she had heard Misato's frantic call… she knew how badly he was hurt…).

His was the only voice that could have stopped her.

Her hand twitched, and Unit 02's did as well, making the man within wince, "Why?" Her voice trembled, "He deserves it!"

"Because we're not like them..." he answered gently, "we're not killers."

She gasped as his image appeared, "Shinji…" she whispered.

Blood ran in a trickle from the corner of his mouth, and his right eye was swollen shut. Asuka thought for a moment that something was wrong with the camera in Unit 01, as everything had a slight red tint… until she realized that the LCL was hazy with his blood.

"Please, Asuka…" Asuka became aware of two hands on Shinji's chest, and followed them up to find Hikari sitting behind Shinji's pilot seat wearing his plugsuit and trying to stop the flow of blood from a large wound in his side. 

She met her friend's eyes as she continued, "You can't do this. You don't…" she shivered, "you don't know what it's like to kill someone…" her voice dropped to a whisper, "you don't want to know, Asuka… you don't…"

Asuka looked from her friend to the man wrapped in the red fist that was an extension of her will. –So easy…- she thought, every bit of her crying out to close the fist, -it would be so easy…-

"Asuka…" she met Shinji's uninjured eye reluctantly as he spoke to her softly, "it's me that he hurt… don't I deserve to say what happens to him?"

"Yeah…" she said slowly, looking back to the man and getting her rage under control, "I guess, but-"

"Asuka?" he cut her off quietly, making her look at him once more, "Thank you," he said honestly, smiling at her, "thank you for coming for me… I knew you would…"

Her face turned the color of her plugsuit, "I… it was Misato's idea," she sniffed finally, turning away from the screen, "she made me come… I wanted to just leave you here." But he saw the small smile that danced across her lips.

It was the last thing he saw before he passed out.

**

As the medical team loaded Shinji into the black sphere, Hikari spoke quietly to Misato. "Can I ride with him?" She asked quietly, "And… will he be ok?"

Asuka was already on the NeoPath Four-one-eight (the plane Misato had finally gotten rerouted to the base where they were stranded) with Unit 02, Unit 01, and their captive… who refused to say more than his name: Martin. 

The NeoPath plane could handle the stress of both EVAs, the pilot assured Misato… but they would have to press straight through for home by the most direct route to ensure that they didn't run out of fuel – on many levels it would be the tensest flight any of them would ever endure. Getting the massive thing off of the ground with no runway was going to be the biggest nail biter, Misato thought… at least, she thought that before they got airborne and the very real threat of a fiery crash bore down on her.

Before she left, Asuka had hugged her friend tightly, whispering, "I'm glad you're ok…"

It was the most sincere emotion Hikari had ever gotten from the redhead… and she didn't have the heart to tell her she was far from ok.

The purple-haired woman sighed deeply, holding an icepack against her throbbing forehead as she responded to Hikari's question, "They say he's stable enough to move," she said, keeping her voice level, "barely… and it's a long flight home." She met the girl's eyes, regretting her honesty, "Of course you can ride with him," she said gently, "you've come this far…"

"Thank you…" Hikari whispered softly, stepping away from Shinji's guardian and moving to follow him. She paused at the entrance to the sphere and turned to face Misato. "Does anyone know what a good person he is?" She asked without preamble.

Misato blinked, "Yes… yes of course we do…" she said, surprised by the hollow quality of the young girl's voice… and the question itself.

Hikari met her eyes steadily, pausing for a moment before asking in a voice that barely reached the older woman, "Does anyone ever tell him?"

She didn't bother waiting for a reply. She climbed into the sphere and waited for it to be picked up, tentatively holding Shinji's hand one last time… knowing that everything would go back to the way it was before – with him being reclusive and shunning the outside world, and her trying to win Touji's heart. 

There was no other way… she loved Touji, not Shinji.

But if that was true then why did she feel that they had shared more than just terror in the last twenty-four hours? Why did she feel like she would be losing something precious when she finally let his hand go? Why could she still feel his arms around her?

And why was she weeping as the huge plane lifted the medical sphere into the sky and began winging its way homeward?

Why?

Author's notes: thanks to Lord DeathScythe and JobFaust for pre-reading and making some excellent suggestions on this fiction. Muzzle velocity and feet per second conversions for the .50 caliber Desert Eagle (the gun that broke Shinji's wrist) came from this site: [http://www.reloadbench.com/cartridges/p50ae.html][1]

Feedback is always welcome at [random1377@yahoo.com][2]

   [1]: http://www.reloadbench.com/cartridges/p50ae.html
   [2]: mailto:random1377@yahoo.com



	2. Survivor's guilt

Disclaimer: see part 1

Disclaimer: see part 1.

Survivors

Part 2

Survivor's guilt

By Random1377

Hikari Horaki woke up screaming. It was the same dream… it was ALWAYS the same dream since she had returned home. The man, powerfully built, crushing Shinji's throat slowly with a smile on his face… Shinji, trying to fight him off but hopelessly overpowered – his struggles weakening… the gun, heavy and cold in her hands, kicking hard as it discharged once… twice… three times, sending the man sprawling off of Shinji with a gaping hole in the side of his head.

She sobbed softly.

She grabbed the phone… hesitated… then swiftly dialed a number by memory. –Please…- she thought with irrational fear, -please be ok…-

"Hello?" Shinji Ikari's voice came through the phone line, sounding tired.

A wave of relief flooded through her -Oh thank God…- she thought as she hung up the phone quickly.

Always the same dream… always the same call. It was the only way she could get back to sleep…

She felt guilty for calling so late and waking him up, but the sound of his voice soothed her. "I'm sorry…" she whispered, pulling her legs up and resting her chin on her knees, "I'll find a way to get past this… I will…"

But her voice lacked conviction.

After a few more minute's thought, she lay back down and drifted off again.

**

Across town, Shinji stared at receiver dully, "Thanks for calling…" he whispered.

Not that he had been asleep anyway… he had not had a decent night's sleep since they returned.

The receiver began to beep angrily, announcing that it was off the hook. He let it fall back onto the cradle and continued to stare at it for another few minutes, remembering the first day in the hospital…

__

He opened his eyes slowly, feeling like someone had hit him with a baseball bat… hard… and repeatedly.

He groaned at the clean, white ceiling, "Guess we made it out, huh?" He whispered, then his eyes widened and he tried to sit up… the pain convinced him that this was not such a good idea.

"Lie still, you dipstick." A soft, feminine voice said to his right.

With some difficulty, he turned his head and found Asuka Langley Souryu lounging in a chair at the side of his bed, her back resting against one of the arms and her knees drawn up to offer her a place to set the magazine she had been reading. "Hikari?" He whispered, "Is she… ok?" 

Asuka closed the magazine and sat up straight, leaning forward to regard him, "She got out the day after we got home," she said with a small frown, "you… you've been here for four days… in and out of surgery."

"Four?" He said disbelievingly, "Was I hurt that bad? Really?"

She looked away, once again becoming the Second Child, "You almost died, you idiot… did you think you would just walk away with a Band-Aid?"

"No…" he admitted, looking at her profile, "I guess not… but I didn't know that I COULD sleep that long… I'm just a little surprised…"

Her voice softened, "Well… you had m-" she cut herself off, "us worried. They weren't sure you would make it at first… you lost a lot of blood." She looked back at him, "We put you in Unit 01 halfway through the flight, hoping the LCL would act as substitute blood…" She smiled faintly, "that was Hikari's idea. She said it smelled like blood, so maybe it might ACT like blood too... and she was right."

Shinji frowned deeply, "So EVA saved my life?" He said, a trace of anger in his voice, "How appropriate…"

Asuka leaned further forward, putting her hand on the cast encasing his wrist, "No," she said firmly, "HIKARI saved your life… no one else thought of it." Her smile broadened, "So what's going on with you two, anyway?" She said, her voice lightly teasing… but also serious, "She wanted to get in with you… she thought it would be best in case you woke up, 'So he's not all alone…' she said."

Shinji looked down at her hand, "There's nothing between us…" he said, feeling a slight stab of pain at the words, "she… she loves Touji. She's just a very nice person… and she was probably just concerned about me."

Asuka frowned slightly, remembering Hikari's pained expression when the doctor had told her that she could not get into the plug with Shinji because the risks outweighed the benefits. Rather than argue with him, she just said, "Shinji… I'm glad that you're ok… and I'm sorry that I've been so mean to you."

Their eyes met, "Thank you, Asuka…" he said softly, putting his hand on hers, "that means a lot to me…"

They sat in silence for several more minutes, just looking at one another. Finally Asuka pulled her eyes away and reiterated that she was glad to see him feeling better, then surprised them both by leaning forward and kissing his forehead. "Get out of here soon, ok?" She said, standing quickly with a deep blush and making her way for the door.

He smiled and told her he would…

Shinji shook himself, sighing and walking back into his room. He didn't think sleep would come easily to him that night… too many dreams… too many memories…

"I have to get SOME sleep…" he told himself, "tomorrow's the dinner… I have to be rested for that…"

But telling yourself you need sleep and actually being ABLE to sleep are two completely different things… and as usual, he suffered through another agonized night – then ran all the way to school in the morning… certain that something had happened to Hikari in the middle of the night.

And as usual, he managed to contain his tears of relief as he found her to be alright…

**

Martin sat calmly on the hard cot in his cell and thought about how things had gone wrong.

-The plan was good,- he thought, resting his chin on his palm as he stared straight ahead, -and the intel was, too… just ran into that one little snag…-

He smiled as he thought of the snag in question, a certain Shinji Ikari.

He chuckled to himself, "That kid's got style…" he whispered to himself, admiringly.

"If you're thinking of Shinji or Asuka, you're right," a deep voice said from the shadows outside of his cell, "both of them have more style in their little fingers than you'll ever have."

Martin's eyes widened slightly at the voice, a very faint smile tugging at the corners of his mouth, "It's been a while…" he said, turning his head to search out the source, "hasn't it now?"

Kaji Ryouji stepped into the cell's meager light, "Indeed it has…" he folded his arms, standing just outside of reach should the man in the cell decide to try and grab for him through the bars, "I hear you're calling yourself Martin now… what ever happened to Maxwell?"

Martin shrugged, "Didn't suit me so well… neither did Maurice – and thanks for that one, by the way… some of my men STILL call me the space cowboy."

Kaji smiled slightly, but it never touched his eyes, "I'd call you by your real name… but I don't know if the one you gave me back in college is real or not."

Martin met the other man's eyes, "I've never lied to you…" he said softly, "especially back then."

"Except when you promised you would be there with the extraction team in twenty-eleven…" Kaji said bitterly, "weren't too honest then, were you?"

Martin shook his head, "That wasn't my fault," he said sadly, "we were on the way to the plane when we got ambushed. Only Gustav and me made it… and your young friend mister Ikari took care of Gustav. You and I are the last two left."

Kaji thought about this for a moment, "Then maybe I should make it just me, eh? I don't think I buy your story… and I saw too many friends die that day to just let it go."

Martin sighed, "Do as you please… I'm certainly in no position to stop you."

"One thing I never got," Kaji said, changing the subject swiftly, "why did you leave in junior year? Not that I'm complaining, mind you… your leaving left me more free time to meet my future wife."

"You're married?" Martin said in surprise, dodging the question.

"I said future. I still haven't asked her yet – too much going on right now – though I think she'll say yes when I do…" he frowned, "don't try and evade me… you were supposed to be my best friend, and you disappeared without so much as a goodbye, leaving me to wonder what happened to you until we met years later under Tanaka's command."

"Ahhh, Tanaka…" Martin smiled, "THOSE were the good old days…" He held up his hands as Kaji's brow drew down, "Ok, ok… you win… I'll tell you." He stood and walked over to the bars, resting his hands on them as he spoke. "I owed a certain organization some money… and they meant for me to pay, one way or another. So I had to make myself scarce."

Kaji scowled, "And you couldn't be bothered to at least write me a note, or-"

"I knew you would try and help me," Martin said with a small smile, "and it was bigger than you could handle, so I didn't want you involved."

Kaji looked away, desperately wanting to believe his old friend.

"Hey, Kaji…" Martin said after a moment of silence, "how long have you known me?"

Kaji blinked as he brought his attention back to the man in the cell, "I don't know…" he shrugged, "over ten years."

Martin held his eyes, "Considering that you've known me that long, and that you ONCE trusted me…" he hesitated, "I hope you can believe me when I tell you that there's a traitor in your midst."

Kaji laughed, "That's like saying there's a fish in the ocean, my friend, you-"

"No," Martin said softly, "I mean you have a SEELE in your midst…"

Kaji stopped laughing. "Who?" He said flatly, "Tell me, and maybe I can get you out of here in exchange."

Now it was Martin's turn to laugh, "You think *I* would know WHO it is?" He shook his head, "I'm just a grunt… but I'm a good grunt, so I pay attention to what I'm told… and what I get. I know that it's someone with access to all of the personnel files… and information on the EVAs." He met Kaji's eyes, "The information I had when I was assigned to capture Unit 01 is not the kind that spies can get to… it's the kind that someone high up LETS get out."

Kaji mulled this over for a minute, "Then I think I know who it could be…"

"Careful…" Martin said quietly, "the council members are not so foolish as to leave obvious traces. Most likely, it's someone you won't expect until it's too late."

Kaji nodded, "You're right, I know…" he shook himself, suddenly realizing how convenient the situation seemed. His eyes narrowed, "Of course… they would want me thrown off track if I was getting close… and what better way than to have the finger pointed in the wrong direction, right?"

Martin sighed, "You never were the trusting kind… I guess that's why you're still alive." He stepped away from the bars and went back to his cot, "Take it any way you like, my old friend… my conscience is clean."

Kaji watched as the man who had once been his best friend, and had saved his life on many occasions, settled onto his bed.

"I hope it all works out for you, Kaji, I really do…" Martin said, putting his hands behind his head and closing his eyes, "you were always a good friend, and never did me wrong. And regardless of what you think of me now, I'll always think of you as the wet-behind-the ears freshman whose ass I had to save when he hit on the girlfriend of the rival fraternity's two-hundred and fifty pound quarterback."

Kaji smiled as he recalled how they first met… and wondered how things had gotten to be so far from there. He felt that he should say something, but could not think of anything appropriate… so he turned on his heel and left the room.

Neither of them ever noticed the small camera, no bigger than a pencil eraser, stuck the wall opposite the cell… recording everything.

**

Shinji approached the tall apartment building slowly, looking for Hikari. Finally he spied her leaning up against the reinforced concrete wall of the structure and raised a hand in a small wave.

She stepped away from the building and walked up to him, "Hi…" she said softly, "thank you for doing this for me, it means a lot…"

He smiled and looked at the ground, feeling incredibly awkward, "It's no problem… really…" he said, just as softly.

She shook her head, "It is…" she insisted, "my father is a very proper man, and if you hadn't accepted his invitation I'm afraid he would have come to see you and thrown himself at your feet to beg your forgiveness for offending you."

He gaped at her, and she continued, trying to explain, "My father clings tightly to the old ways… it's his defense." She turned and motioned for him to follow her, walking towards the entrance to the big building.

Shinji nodded, "I understand that… my teacher back in my old town was the same. He tried to pretend that Second Impact never happened…" he smiled sadly at the memory of a simpler time, "he even made us eat on the floor, kneeling in front of the table."

Hikari smiled at the image of Shinji sitting in a kimono and eating a very formal, very old-fashioned dinner with his wrinkled old instructor. She pushed the button for the elevator and said, "Well, my father doesn't quite go that far… but things like respect and propriety are very important to him." She looked at him, "Would it be too much to ask if you bowed to him? It would make him happy…" -And that would make me happy…- she added mentally.

Shinji nodded, "Of course…" they lapsed into silence as the elevator arrived and they got in.

As it began to move slowly upwards, Hikari said, "Since this building is reinforced so heavily, the elevator is too… so it will take a few minutes."

Shinji nodded again, and the silence returned.

After a moment, they both began to shift uncomfortably. It was Shinji that moved first… just a small step to the side. A few seconds later, Hikari moved too. As they got closer to the top, they gradually edged closer to one another… neither saying a word or acknowledging that it was happening. By the time they reached the top, they were standing side by side, almost touching… looking opposite directions and blushing deeply.

As the doors slid open, Shinji took a hesitant step away from her and said, "Umm… after you…"

She nodded, trying to control her erratic breathing, -That was… nice…- she thought, wishing that the elevator had taken longer.

Hikari led him to her apartment, knocking on the door. "Father insists that he be allowed to open the door when we have company…" she said, feeling slight embarrassed that she was knocking on her own door.

Before Shinji could reply, the door was opened and he found himself face to face with a middle-aged man with classic Japanese features. Shinji took a moment to take in the man's thinning hair, horn-rimmed glasses, and simple button-up shirt… then bowed respectfully. "Mister Horaki," he said quietly, "I am Shinji Ikari… glad to meet you…"

The man returned the bow, bending at the waist… his head dipping well below Shinji's in a position worthy of presenting an emperor. 

"You... give me too much respect, sir..." Shinji whispered, flushing deeply.

"No honor is too great," the man said firmly (though he did straighten), "for the man who saved my precious apple blossom."

Hikari flushed deeply as her father used the pet name, "Papa... please..." she whispered.

He smiled, slightly embarrassed, "I am sorry…" he said. He then stepped to the side, opening the door wide, "Won't you please come in, Mister Ikari?"

"Thank you…" Shinji said softly, hesitating for a moment, "Hikari?" He gestured for her to go first.

Her father smiled at this, "You are very polite, Mister Ikari," he said, approval in his voice, "it is a sign of good upbringing…"

Shinji flushed deeply, "Thank you sir… though I'm afraid my upbringing left much to be desired."

Mister Horaki smiled wider, "Then it is a reflection on you and your ability to rise above adversity. And please," he added, "call me Kazuki."

Shinji avoided his eyes, "If it is ok, I think it would be more appropriate to call you Mister Horaki…" he bowed again, "I mean no disrespect."

"Not at all," Kazuki said, returning the bow, "it shall be as you say, Mister Ikari."

"Is that him?" A small voice whispered in awe.

Shinji cast his eyes to the left, finding two young girls staring at him with something close to an openly worshipful look on their faces. He blinked, -They're twins…- he thought, -I didn't know that…-

Kodama and Nozomi Horaki both smiled, a pretty echo that threatened to take Shinji's breath away.

Hikari grinned at Shinji's dazed look, then her eyes grew far off as she remembered her first visit to him in the hospital…

__

Shinji opened his eyes slowly, pleased to find that this did not cause his head to throb, and looked around his room.

He blinked in surprised to find Hikari sitting in the chair at his right, frowning lightly, "Good morning, Shinji…" she said softly, "I'm glad that you're awake."

Shinji stared at her for a moment, -She looks so different…- he thought, looking at the conservative sweater she wore against the cold of the hospital's air-conditioning system… and the braid that hung down over her shoulder. "I like your hair that way…" he said, regretting the words as they left his mouth. –Geez…- he thought, -I sound like I'm hitting on her…-

She looked at the floor, blushing slightly, "Thank you. I… decided to keep it this way after we got back because it's easier than the two, and I don't have to carry rubber bands around wherever I go…" -And to remind me…- she thought, -to remind me that things here are safe… not like when we were there…-

Shinji nodded, "I understand that…" he said softly.

And he did. Better than she knew, Shinji understood what a reminder meant… which is why he had called Kaji as soon as he had been able to and asked him to arrange more survival training for him – preferably without Misato's knowledge (she had felt guilty enough for not being able to protect him). Kaji had agreed, understanding immediately Shinji's need to feel safe… and to have the ability to protect himself – even though something like this could NEVER happen again… not with the way NERV worked…

He looked up into her eyes, "I'm glad you came to visit me…" he said softly, "why did you wait so long?"

Her flush deepened, -Because I couldn't face you…- her mind whispered, -because I was ashamed… because I'm the reason you're hurt…- To him, she said, "My… father wanted me to stay home for a few days… to recover. I'm sorry…"

He smiled gently, "Don't be," he said gently, "I'm glad that you finally came…"

They stared at each other, at a loss for what to say next. Finally, Shinji said, "Hikari? I… heard that it was your idea to put me in Unit 01… thank you." He smiled, "You saved my life twice…"

She looked at the floor and smiled, "I…" she hesitated, "I didn't know if it would help… but I'm… I'm glad it did…" looking back up into his eyes she said, "I don't know what I would have done if I… if you…" she stopped talking abruptly, unable to finish.

"Yeah…" he said softly, "I'm glad you were ok, too…"

The rest of the visit was spent in meaningless chitchat and awkward silence as each tried to put their feelings into words… and failed. Eventually. Hikari stood and announced that she had to go. She took a step towards him… then stopped. –I… why do I want to touch him?- She asked herself, "Get better soon, Shinji…" she said quickly, then left without waiting for a reply… unable to deal with the conflicting emotions within her.

Shinji could only watch her go, an image of Touji flashing through his mind and freezing his call to stop her on his lips…

"Shall we eat?" Kazuki said briskly, breaking Hikari's reverie.

"You cooked?" She asked, blinking in disbelief.

"We did." Kodama and Nozomi said in unison, then tittered as Shinji looked from one to the other, apparently trying to decide which of them was cuter.

Hikari felt her chest tighten as a small, pure smile crept across Shinji's face, -He likes them…- she thought, -he likes my family…- She was unsure as to why this thought should bring her such joy… but it did.

Kazuki showed Shinji to the table, refusing to sit until he had.

Most of the meal passed in pleasant small talk and silence that gradually became more comfortable. Hikari noted with some amusement that Kodama seemed to be going far out of her way to hand Shinji extra food… and the starry look in the girl's eyes, -Poor thing…- she thought, suppressing a smile, -she's in love…- Not that she could blame her sister for being smitten, Shinji was handsome… and if she wasn't in love with Touji, things might have been different.

-But I AM!- She thought, shaking her head, -I am in love with Touji…- but watching Shinji as he talked politely to her younger sisters and father… it was easy to imagine that he was the one that she should be with.

As the girls brought desert, Kazuki said, "Why don't you two go and play for a few minutes, I need to speak with Mister Ikari…"

The twins moaned that they didn't want to, but their father was adamant. Finally, they left… but not before Kodama bowed formally to Shinji and said in a rather timid voice, "It was very nice to meet you, Mister Ikari…" her face flushed terribly and she ran out of the room, her sister following and teasing her mercilessly.

"It seems she's quite taken with you," Kazuki said with a smile, "if you're not careful, you'll find yourself married to her… and never have a clue how it happened."

Shinji smiled at him, "I can think of worse fates, Mister Horaki…" he said.

To Hikari's surprise… he sounded like he meant it. She studied his face, relaxed now, and wondered, -What is it about him? Is it just what happened to us? Or is it something else… was there always something?-

Kazuki sighed, "I wish we could go in the living room to sit and talk, that would be the proper way to entertain company… but I'm afraid that would leave nowhere for the girls to play." He shook his head sadly, "Since our house was destroyed in the last angel attack, we've been crammed in here, waiting for NERV to find us another home… you would be surprised at how much paperwork is involved."

"I'm sorry," Shinji said softly, "I… the attacks are hard on everyone, I know…" he looked away, frowning, "but I can't help but feel that if I did my job better things would be easier… maybe you'd even still have your house."

"Nonsense!!" Kazuki said, waving his hand, "If not for you, we'd all be dead… I think we can spare a few bits of property, Mister Ikari."

Shinji smiled, "Thank you, Mister Horaki… that's a very nice thing to say."

After a moment of silence, Kazuki said, "I would like to talk to you about what happened, if it is alright…"

Shinji nodded, "Of course… I thought you might…" He had prayed with all of his might that Kazuki would NOT want to hear about it… but he knew deep down that he would.

"I understand you had to kill a man to save her." Kazuki said softly, "That must have been hard for you..."

Shinji blinked in shock, -I did?- He thought. He looked to Hikari, and found her eyes pleading him to agree. "Yes," he said, his voice sounding certain, "I did… and yes, it was…" He hesitated, then went on, "but I knew she would die if I didn't do anything," he never looked away from Hikari as he spoke, "it wasn't an easy thing to do... or to forgive myself for..."

Hikari's eyes widened, and Shinji nodded slightly, as if saying, 'You did the right thing... even if you don't believe it, I know you did.' She smiled softly, mouthing, 'Thank you.' He returned the smile and turned to her father, changing the subject.

**

The remainder of the conversation was mostly small talk – the kind people use to get aquatinted.

Shinji listened as Kazuki outlined his (admittedly dull) duties as a lower-level engineer at NERV and his desire for a promotion. Kazuki nodded his approval of Shinji's plans to continue on to university after the war was over and possibly play his cello for a crowd (a new dream for him, admitted for the first time to them that afternoon). Hikari blushed as she talked about her hopes that Touji would become more responsive and open in the near future and expressed her wish that Shinji would visit with her sometime.

Soon a comfortable silence descended, as each of them got caught up in their own visions and hopes for the future.

After a few moments, Shinji said hesitantly, "Well, I have some work at headquarters that I need to take care of." He rose to his feet, waiting until Kazuki had too, and bowed formally, "Thank you for a most enjoyable time, Mister Horaki. You have a wonderful family. I'm… envious." He blushed at his last comment, embarrassed that he had spoken it aloud.

Kazuki smiled and returned the bow, this time matching Shinji's level equally, "It was an honor to have you, Mister Ikari. I look forward to seeing you again." He rose and extended his hand, which Shinji took, "Do not hesitate to visit us anytime…" he said, covering Shinji's hand with his other, "our door is always open to you. And thank you again for what you have done."

Shinji blushed, but accepted the thanks with a small nod. As they reached the door, he felt a small hand tug tentatively on his. "Mister Ikari?" He looked down to find Kodama looking up at him with a blush on her pretty face.

He knelt so he was at her eye level, "Yes, Miss Horaki?" He said with an encouraging smile.

The eleven year-old's blush deepened, and he thought she might run away, but she held her ground and stammered, "P-please come back a-and visit us again… soon?" 

The anxious look on her face filled him with a strange mixture of contentment and sadness. –She wants me here…- he thought with some wonder. He looked around at the other three Horakis… all smiling genuinely at him, -they ALL want me here…-

Holding Hikari's eyes, he answered softly, "I would love to visit again, Kodama… if it's really alright with the rest of your family…" No words could describe what he felt as they all nodded firmly… or the warm sensation that filled him as Hikari blushed slightly, nodding the quickest.

"Mister Ikari?" He looked back to Kodama to find her holding something out to him.

He took it carefully, turning it over in his hands. "Thank you, Kodama," he said as he admired the roughly woven green and blue string bracelet, "it's lovely."

Kodama was flushed a brilliant crimson, but she forced the words past her lips, "It's… a friendship bracelet," she said, finally dropping her eyes, "will you… be my friend?"

Shinji looked at the others… and was thankful to find them all studying other parts of the room with great interest in an attempt to offer privacy in the confined hallway that led to the door. He smiled, -You are very lucky, Hikari…- he thought with no small amount of envy. To Kodama he said softly, "It would be an honor…" He laid the bracelet against his wrist and held it out to her, "A proper friendship bracelet is tied by a friend," he said, meeting her eyes, "will you tie it?"

Kodama's breath caught in her throat… but she nodded, unable to look away from his eyes. With trembling fingers she tied the string onto his un-cast wrist. 

When she was done, Shinji smiled and whispered, "Now we're friends…" He held out his arms to the girl, smiling softly.

Hikari finally turned to watch, unable to look away as this gentle young man performed one of the sweetest acts she had ever seen and hugged her younger sister, promising to be her friend.

Releasing the young girl, Shinji stood, "Let me thank you once more for a lovely dinner, Mister Horaki… and if you will have me again, I would love to come again sometime…" he bowed his head, a sad expression coming over his face, "when my schedule permits."

Kazuki nodded, "As I said, Mister Ikari, anytime you would like… please do not wait for an invitation." They bowed to each other once more, and Hikari followed Shinji out the door.

They entered the elevator in silence. After a few moments, Shinji smiled softly and said, "Apple blossom, huh?"

She flushed (as he had secretly hoped she would) and looked at the floor, "Yes - but please don't tell anyone at school, ok? It's bad enough when HE does it… "

Shinji stared at her, his mouth open, "I would never!" He said, sounding slightly horrified.

She knew he wouldn't… but hearing him say it still comforted her, "I'm sorry…" she said softly, "and thank you for backing my story. Papa would not take it well if he knew I had had too… had too…" she stopped, her eyes getting damp.

"Shhhh…" he said gently, laying a hand on her shoulder, "I understand…"

Her eyes met his, "You're the only one that does…" she whispered.

Slowly, they began to lean towards each other, their eyes locked firmly together. A moment before their lips met, the elevator jerked to a stop, startling them.

Hikari backed away quickly, "I'm… going to visit Touji now…" she said, sounding shaken.

"Yeah…" Shinji whispered, noting how she had emphasized his friend's name, "tell him I said hi…"

She nodded, all but running from the elevator… and from what had almost happened.

He watched her leave with a sad expression, "…never meant to be." He whispered softly.

Shaking himself, he stepped from the elevator and began walking towards NERV, his mind skipping back to Hikari's visit, and Asuka's… and the third, strangest visit he had received between them – the one he was still trying to convince himself was not a dream…

__

Shinji opened his eyes, feeling as if the lids were coated with sandpaper. He looked to the calendar on the wall to his right, "Was Asuka here… yesterday? Or the day before?" he whispered to himself thickly. Time held very little meaning for him since he had awoken.

He sighed and closed his eyes again, trying to get comfortable in the bed. –These bandages are HEAVY!- It also didn't help that he felt exceedingly warm, -Are they trying to bake me?- He thought irritably.

His body felt as if it was moving through quicksand – a sensation the doctors told him was a result of the large amounts of anesthetics he had been given. They had also told him to enjoy it while he could, because once the drugs wore off he would be in rather a lot of pain.

The fact that he could not lift his left arm concerned him, as he could when Asuka had visited. He concentrated on moving it and was rewarded with a dissatisfied groan – not his own.

His eyes flew open and he looked down, finding the outline of another body under the covers. "What the…?" He whispered.

Slowly, he pulled the covers back… and his heart nearly stopped dead as his eyes were treated to the sight of pale skin (lots of it) and a tousled mass of blue hair. "Rei??" He gasped.

The First Child stirred and tried to press her face up against him to block out the light. Apparently realizing that there WAS light to block out, she raised her head and opened her crimson eyes. "You are awake…" she said softly, "I am glad."

"Rei?" He asked with a slight tremor in his voice, "Why are you… naked?"

She frowned slightly, as if the answer should be evident, "I do not wear my clothes when I sleep, Ikari…"

-Of course,- he thought, -that brings me to my next question…- "Why are you sleeping with me?" He asked quietly. –Not that I mind, really, - he thought, becoming more and more aware of her nudity against him.

She looked away, a very pale blush gracing her delicate features as she replied, "There was… something I did not understand…" she said hesitantly.

He blinked, -And you couldn't ask someone to explain it?- He thought, finding the situation growing more and more surreal. "What didn't you understand?" He prompted softly as the silence stretched on.

She met his eyes again, "I did not understand why I should be concerned for you." She said calmly, "You are another pilot, and should not mean more to mean than Souryu…"

Her cold assessment left him with a dull ache in his chest, and he opened his mouth to tell her that HE thought of her as more than that (what, he wasn't sure exactly, but he felt SOMETHING for her). She continued before he could speak, "But you do, Ikari," she said softly, "and I believe that I have identified the feeling that I have for you."

"What is it, Rei?" He whispered softly, scared and thrilled at what her answer might be.

"Protectiveness," she said coolly, "I feel that I am compelled to defend you, and I will do so, Ikari… regardless of the cost."

Shinji blinked, not sure if he should be honored that she was essentially telling him that she would die for him, or disappointed that she had not felt something more… intimate.

"Thank you, Rei…" he said finally, "I would do the same for you."

The blue-hared girl tilted her head, "You would?" Shinji nodded. Softly, she said, "Ikari, I would like you to move in to my apartment. I feel that it would be the best way to protect you, as Major Katsuragi's apartment would not accommodate another tenant."

Shinji's eyes widened, half from what she was saying and half from the firm, no-nonsense tone she said it in. –That voice…- he thought as he looked into her eyes, -she sounds like she's my mother…- To Rei he said gently, "I don't think that would be a good idea, Ayanami. I am… home with Misato."

He thought she might be upset, what with the way she had practically DEMANDED that he move in with her… but instead she just nodded, as if this was the reaction she had expected, "Very well…"

Carefully sliding out from under the covers, she said, "I must leave now… I must go to a synchronization test for the Commander, and I have already delayed for too long."

Shinji blushed and looked away as her bare body moved slowly to the chair where she had neatly folded her clothes.

"I do not understand your discomfort, Ikari…" she said with a slight frown as she pulled her panties on, "you have seen me with no clothes… and you have touched my body. Why are you now embarrassed?"

Shinji kept his head turned to the side, answering slowly, "I… because, Rei… it isn't right for me to look at you this way…"

"Why?" Was her calm reply.

He sighed softly, "Several reasons, I guess…" he said reluctantly, "first because your body is private, and I shouldn't look at it without your permission. And also, I am not your… your boyfriend, so it's not really proper. Third…" the drugs in his system made coming up with a third reason impossible, so he stopped at two.

"You have my permission…" Rei said softly, stepping into his field of view, now fully clothed, "and you are my friend…" He opened his mouth to explain the difference between a friend and a boyfriend, but she kept talking, "I believe that I understand, however… and I will try to always be clothed when you see me."

"T-thank you, Rei…" he said, feeling a slight stab of disappointment at the thought of never seeing her naked again… but he knew that this was right for them.

She nodded, almost smiling, "You are welcome."

After a moment's silence, she turned and walked out, pausing at the door to say simply, "Goodbye."

It came as very little surprise to him that she moved into one of the apartments in Misato's building the next day…

Shinji sighed deeply, thinking, -Well… at least she doesn't tail me, or something like that…-

Since Rei had moved in, he had actually seen very little of her… making him wonder why exactly she had felt the urge to move if she wasn't going to ever see him.

He may have been impressed to learn that she WAS in fact following him… and had been since he had returned from the hospital. Rei always knew where he was, and as a result… she knew exactly where he was going right then.

Had he seen her watching him make his way to NERV… he would definitely have been surprised to see the deep scowl of disapproval on her face.

**

"Hey, Katsuragi!" Kaji's jovial voice greeted Misato as she came onto the bridge.

"Kaji," she said quickly, "I need to ask you something."

Kaji moved away from Maya Ibuki's terminal, "Of course… but first, let me ask YOU something."

She blinked, "Ok…"

He looked around and dropped his voice to a whisper, "What exactly was your mission when Unit 01 was shot down? There's no information on it anywhere."

She stared at him blankly, "What do you mean, no information?" She whispered back, "It was a standard inspection mission to look at one of the new EVAs in Germany… it's all in the computers."

He was shaking his head, "Not anymore… the records have been marked classified… Omega level."

Her jaw dropped open, "Omega??" She gasped, "Only the Commander and the members of SEELE have access to that… why would they classify the mission so highly? Is it because of what happened?"

He was staring at the floor with an intent look on his face, "Now it makes sense…" he said softly. Looking at her, he said, "What does your gut tell you was the objective of the assault on Shinji's plane?"

She frowned, "To get Unit 01, of course. That man," she snapped her fingers, trying to come up with his name, "Martin admitted it to Shinji." She smiled broadly, "Guess they failed, huh?"

"I don't know about that," he said dryly, "in case you missed it, YOURS is the mission that failed… you still don't have the information on the mass production EVAs."

Misato looked at him, stunned. It hadn't occurred to her that there might have been more than one reason for the attack… and the proposal for another mission had been shot down faster than Unit 01 had – making her wonder just what was going on.

"Another thing," he went on, leaning closer to her, "don't you find it odd that the freeze on Unit 01 was lifted suddenly for a routine inspection mission?"

Misato tried to regain her balance, "That… was Commander Ikari's order…" she said doubtfully.

"Ahh!" Kaji said, raising a finger, "But why? Was HE acting on someone else's directive? There ARE forces even the mighty Commander must answer too…"

She pondered this for a moment, then whispered, "I take it you're already looking into it…"

He smiled slightly and nodded, "Of course… but anything you come across would be most helpful."

She nodded, "Anything I find, I'll share, if you do the same." As he nodded again, she said. "Now, have you seen Shinji? I'm worried about him, and I can't find him anywhere…"

Kaji stepped away, "Don't worry, Katsuragi," he said softly, "Shinji can take care of himself…"

She met his eyes, "What do you mean by that? He's fourteen…he CAN'T."

He looked away from her, his voice so low she could barely hear it, "He can now…"

She wondered suddenly if Shinji was going through what Hikari was, and she remembered one late-night call from just a few days ago…

Misato walked into the apartment feeling dead on her feet, -God… it's good to be home…- she thought tiredly. She had not found much information that night, and Kaji had not been around to help her hunt. Now all she wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep for four hours, -Just long enough to get really asleep before my alarm goes off…- she thought dourly.

As she took off her flight jacket, however, the phone rang, surprising her. "Who could that be at THIS hour?" She whispered with a frown, "Maybe it's Kaji…" She walked into the kitchen and picked up the phone, "Hello?"

For a moment, there was nothing but the sound of harsh breathing, making Misato think that she might actually be the victim of a good old fashioned prank call. She was about to whisper something seductive, like, 'Too bad all you do is pant, because I'm in the mood for so much more,' then hang up, when a tentative female voice said, "May I please speak to Shinji?"

Misato blinked in surprise, placing the voice immediately, "I... I'm sorry Hikari, he's asleep right now…" -Why is she calling so LATE??- she thought.

"Could you… check on him?" The younger woman asked hesitantly, "Please?"

Misato paused, "I'm sure he's ok, Hikari…" she said slowly, "but if it will make you feel bett-"

"Yes…" the young girl cut her off, speaking much too quickly. She apologized just as fast, "I mean… yes, please… it would… umm…" She fell silent.

"I understand…" Misato said soothingly.

If she could have read Hikari's thoughts, she would have been surprised to hear loud and clear, 'No… you don't.' But seeing as how couldn't, she set the phone down and went to Shinji's room.

She opened the door a crack and peeked in. It wasn't hard to find Shinji's form in the darkness… he was sprawled on top of his covers, and though she only watched him for a total of about thirty seconds, he moved five times as she stood there… seeming to try and find a more comfortable position… or ward off a particularly bad dream.

She went back to the phone… hesitated… then said softly, "Hikari? May I ask you something?"

The girl on the other end said nothing at first, then whispered tensely, "Is he ok?"

Misato frowned, "Yes," she said, sensing that the girl might be on the verge of breaking down, "he's fine… he's asleep, Hikari."

"Thank you, Major Katsuragi," the girl said after a deep, relieved sigh, "I just…" she trailed off.

Misato stepped into the silence that was left, "Why?" She said softly, knowing that the girl would understand the question.

Hikari's breath quickened, and she didn't reply for almost a full minute. When she did, her voice was so low that Misato had to strain to hear it, "I don't know… I… NEED to know he's alright… I don't know why." Her voice became pleading, "Please don't tell him… and please don't be mad at me, Major Katsuragi… please?"

"Alright, Hikari…" Misato said softly, "I won't tell him… and I'm not mad." She licked her lips, "Hikari? Have you… thought about seeing someone about this?"

There was another silence, "I do…" the girl confessed miserably, "every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday… for two hours… I do. But…" her voice took a slightly desperate edge, "it doesn't help… I have to hear his voice… or know that he's ok…" She took another deep breath, "Asuka… has checked for me too. GOD! I'm so pathetic!!" She moaned.

"It's ok," Misato said, "don't worry about it, ok? If you need me too… I'll check on him anytime… alright?"

"Thank you…" Hikari nearly sobbed, "thank you…"

"But that's not the point," Kaji said, bringing her back to the present, "the point is that I don't know where he is right now… sorry."

-You're lying…- she thought. She could tell when he was… and to his credit, he seldom did (to her, anyway), but when he did his face flushed ever so slightly and he scratched his right cheek. It was just a little thing – not something that someone would notice… unless they watched every move he made… or thought about him non-stop (though she would NEVER admit that… least of all to him).

She decided to let it go, "Ok… I'm going to look for him, because I know he's in the complex somewhere, and I need to talk to him." Kaji looked away.

She didn't wait for him to say anything, just turned and started for the door. As she reached the threshold she could vaguely hear him saying in his 'I'm just playing around, but not really' voice, "So! Ibuki… busy this evening?" She rolled her eyes in disgust.

She walked slowly through the hallways of NERV, wondering what Kaji had meant by his cryptic comment about Shinji. Sighing, she let her instinctive protectiveness of her young charge guild her… finally ending up at the entrance to the weapons training ground.

The training ground was a huge, sprawling obstacle course, filled with robots programmed to stun… or kill, depending on the level that the course was set to (NERV took its training VERY seriously… and several people had died on the range due to lack of proper train or over-zealousness).

She looked through the one-way shatterproof glass and on to the course, catching her breath at the sight she beheld.

Shinji was on the course, crouching with his back up against one of the obstacles and holding a gun in each hand. It looked as if he was staring at her, an intense frown on his face, -That's impossible,- she thought, -he can't see out… it would be too much of a distraction…- But she could not shake the feeling that he was aware of her.

He looked ragged… sweat running freely down his face, his breath coming short and fast, and the cast that was still on his wrist only added to his look of haunted fear. Her eyes briefly landed on a small, hand-woven bracelet that now adorned his other wrist. She smiled, -Made a friend, Shinji? I'm glad…- She thought. 

Her smile faded as her desire to defend him took over and she reached for the door… but it would not open. "What the…?" She looked up, and her heart stopped beating. She began frantically throwing her weight against the door, trying to break it down as the red words 'Live-fire test under way, no further personnel allowed' burned into her mind.

Unable to open the door, she went back to the window, screaming his name futilely as he rose from his crouch and cocked the two guns in his hands.

If he could hear her, he made no indication. He whirled around and began moving cautiously across the field, swinging both guns from side to side and making his way towards a door that had a sign marked simply: Exit. 

How many times she screamed in horror as she watched him face obstacle… after obstacle… after obstacle… she did not know. All she knew was that as he approached the exit, her throat was raw and her eyes were stinging. "Shinji…" she moaned, "please… please stop this…"

Nearing the exit, he was taken off-guard by a large robot… it popped up out of the ground and fired before he could react, throwing him back against a wall. "NO!!" She screamed, banging on the glass in frustration, "It can't end here…" she whispered, "please, God…"

The machine strode slowly towards his inert form, bringing its gun up for another shot. Before it could fire, Shinji's eyes flew open and a savage snarl contorted his face. Misato could not hear it, but she was sure he must have been growling.

He thrust both guns forward and pulled the triggers, pumping round after round into the robot and dropping it to the ground. He rose, wincing and holding his side, and moved to the exit.

Misato ran around to the where the door would let him out, stopping around the corner and taking several deep breaths. She stepped around the corner, surprising him as he pulled off the bulletproof vest that had saved his life, "Shinji! Hi…" she said nonchalantly, "doing some training?"

He flushed like a small child caught taking candy from a cupboard… but to her surprise, he nodded and said firmly, "Yes… I won't get caught unprepared again, Misato… no one can protect me but me…"

A silent war raged through her as he finished taking off the vest and inspected the bruise on his ribs. The woman in her wanted to pull him close and mother him, holding him in her arms and whispering that everything was going to be alright. The soldier in her wanted to both congratulate him for showing the initiative to seek out training on his own… and berate him for even attempting a live-fire run with a wrist that was still on the mend and no one to help him should anything untoward happen.

As he drew his shirt back on and finished buttoning it, all of the feelings collided and mixed inside of her, moving her to action.

Shinji blinked in surprise as Misato stepped closer to him and looked into his eyes, "Wha-what is it?" He asked, sure that she was about to verbally thrash him for being reckless in his training.

Instead she slowly reached out and pulled him up against her. His head rested sideways between her breasts, and with anyone else (or maybe even at any other time) the sensation might have been arousing. As it was… he felt comforted and safe as her arms closed around him.

Neither of them spoke for a moment. It was the first honest, uninhibited display of affection that either of them had shown… and the moment was fragile as fine crystal. It became more so as Shinji tentatively put his arms around his guardian and deepened the embrace.

"Shinji?" She asked finally.

His voice was small and almost childlike as he replied, "Yes, Misato?" He waited for her inevitable question, 'Why would you do something like this?' or, 'Do you know how important you are?' Or possibly, 'You could re-break your wrist, you know?' As the seconds stretched, he felt her slow, steady breath… and inhaled her clean, lavender-tinted fragrance. –This is safety…- he thought, closing his eyes and finally letting himself fully into her embrace, -this is what it is to be loved… isn't it?-

Misato wet her lips as he became more relaxed in her arms, "Shinji…" she said slowly, "what kind of gun do I carry?" 

He had only seen it a few times, but his answer was immediate, "You carry a US-made Browning forty-five. It holds fifteen bullets in the clip, and one more in the pipe, if you plan ahead that's sixteen rounds…" his eyes were still closed… but in his mind he could see the weapon plain as day.

Now Misato closed her eyes, fear and sorrow flooding through her, "Shinji…" she asked in a low voice, "what… what kind of gun are you carrying?" She knew he had one… all of her instincts, maternal and military, screamed it.

He let out a deep breath, "I have a Heckler and Koch P-Seven in a holster on the small of my back," he confessed slowly, "and before you ask, I will not stop carrying it… under any circumstances."

She nodded, "I understand." Without releasing him she sat carefully on the floor of the preparation area for the training course, situating him in her lap. She held her silence for a moment, then spoke in a tone more caring than any he had ever heard from her before, "I want you to be careful, Shinji…" she said, gently stroking the back of his neck with her fingertips, "I know you went though a rough experience, and that you're scared…" she began rocking slowly back and forth with him, shoving all of her training and harshness down deep inside and letting her feelings lead her, "but please don't let this be what defines you, ok?"

"I… don't understand…" he said hesitantly… even though he did – and she knew that he did… but she went on anyway.

"Don't let it own you…" she said, leaning away from him slightly and putting a hand under his chin to raise his face up. She waited until he opened his eyes before finishing, "don't let that one day become your whole life, Shinji. Even though it's hard, TRY and remember that there are people that care for you and will watch out for you… and that sometimes, in the company of those people if nowhere else, you CAN let your guard down and enjoy your life…"

A tear slipped unheeded down his cheek, "Misato, I can't…" he whispered hoarsely, "every time I close my eyes, I see that man dying in front of me…"

Her heart broke at the lost expression on his face, "Oh, Shinji…" she whispered, caressing his cheek, "it's ok… you only did what you had to do to survive… and so did Hikari. It's just like fighting the angels."

"It's... different," he said, his eyes losing focus, "angels aren't human..." he looked at the floor, his voice dropping to a whisper, "angels don't bleed on you when they die... or look into your eyes..."

She brought his head up again to meet her eyes, "Shinji…" she said softly, "you don't have to feel guilty because you lived and he didn't…"

He nodded slowly, "I know that… somewhere deep inside…" he said, "but when it's late at night… and all I can see is his face…" his voice broke slightly, "and hers…"

"Shh…" Misato whispered, stopping him from finishing the thought, "don't…" She held him close again, "Shinji…" she said quietly, "if you want to… you can sleep with me in my bed… if it would make you feel safe…" She smiled softly and tried to lighten the mood, "it would make Kaji all kinds of jealous…"

Shinji finally smiled too, "That would be worth seeing…" he admitted. He sighed deeply, "I… I want to get through this on my own, Misato… I feel like it's something I have to beat by myself… but I might have to take you up on that sometime…"

She nodded, "Anytime you need to…" she began to pull away, but he stopped her, holding her tightly.

"Misato?" He asked in a very quiet… very small voice, "Can we… stay like this for a few minutes? Please?"

She smiled, "Of course…" she whispered tenderly, "there's nowhere I'd rather be." 

She held him and swayed back and forth for fifteen minutes… unconsciously humming after the first five. When she looked down at him again, he was asleep… a tranquil look on his (as of late) normally tense features.

She smiled… then scooted back against the closest wall and held her boy as he slept.

Author's Notes: I know nothing about Hikari's sisters, as they are never mentioned in the series beyond their names and I couldn't find anything online regarding them… so if it's all wrong (and there IS information somewhere out there that I missed) then I apologize… but the idea of cute little twins bewitching Shinji was too tempting to pass on. Also, I don't know for sure what kind of gun Misato actually carries… but in the few scenes where she draws it (and with my admittedly limited knowledge of firearms) it looked very much like a .45 to me. As to the gun Shinji carries, I changed it. Why? Because Ryan T. Nelson pointed out that a 45 longslide is a BIG gun… and would A: Not fit under his shirt, and B: Probably break his wrist also… ;)

Thanks to Lord DeathScythe and JobFaust for pre-reading and making some damn fine suggestions.

Feedback is always welcome at [random1377@yahoo.com][1]

   [1]: mailto:random1377@yahoo.com



	3. Tangled Web

Disclaimer: see part 1.

Survivors

Part 3

Tangled web

By Random1377

"Damn…" Shinji Ikari whispered quietly, shivering in the dark as the dream chased unconsciousness away. Though he was physically warm, he could not shake the deep cold that gripped him inside. As his eyes adjusted to the dark, he stared up at the unfamiliar ceiling with a frown. The woman beside him stirred, but did not wake – much to his relief.

-Why?- he thought, feeling her deep, even breathing, -Why am I so weak?- In spite of this thought, the woman's soft body and warm breath was very soothing, and he soon found himself relaxing again.

He looked at her face in the moonlight. Misato Katsuragi was truly a gorgeous woman – especially when sleep filled her face with peace. He tried to ease out of arms, wondering exactly when she had put them around him, but she moaned quietly and pulled him closer.

He sighed in defeat, letting her hold him in spite of his discomfort as being so close to her. "Nnnnn…" she whimpered, shaking her head from side to side. His eyes widened as she whispered, "Daddy…" shivering slightly. He looked at her face, now screwed up into a sad mix of fear and confusion.

It was only the second time he had been unable to sleep… and asked to stay in her bed, but he was surprised to find that she suffered from nightmares as well. He watched her growing more agitated for a moment or two… then carefully slid one arm under her, fighting the awkwardness he felt and embracing her gently. "Shhh…" he whispered, "it's ok… shhh…"

Slowly, she calmed, sighing softly in her sleep and pressing close to him, murmuring something too softly for him to hear.

-Everyone needs comfort I guess…- he thought, feeling her chest press against him every time she took a breath, -especially now…-

It had been a hard two weeks, with one Earth-shattering event after another. As his guardian slept, Shinji's mind went back to the first of the awful things to happen…

Shinji ran from Unit 01, not bothering to even wipe the LCL from his face. Only one thought was in his mind, -Asuka…-

He saw her sitting in the middle of a square of orange tape, rocking back and forth with her arms around her knees. "ASUKA!" he called to her.

"Go away, Shinji…" she whispered as he drew closer, " I don't want to-"

She was cut off as he dropped to his knees, sliding neatly under the tape, and threw his arms around her, pulling her close to him, "I won't…" he whispered fiercely into her ear, "do you hear me? I won't go… I won't leave you alone… I WON'T let you go!"

"S-Shinji?" she whispered, unsure of how to react. After a moment, she gave in and simply wept. Long, wracking sobs taking over her body as he held her firmly, "Shinji…" she cried, "it… raped me…"

"I know…" he said, gently rocking her back and forth, "I'm so sorry, Asuka… I wanted to help you… but father wouldn't let me…"

"You… you did?" she gasped through her tears, "Why did it have to be HER??" She sobbed, "I would rather have died!!"

"Shhh…" he whispered, gently stroking her hair with one hand, "I'm glad she saved you, Asuka…" she started pull away, moaning that he didn't understand, but he tightened his grip, "I don't know what I would have done if you had been killed…"

Her struggles ceased, "You… what?" she whispered.

"You mean a lot to me, Asuka…" he said gently, turning her to face him, "you live with me… you walk to school with me…" he smiled, "you eat my awful cooking." His face became serious, "You're my friend…" he said softly.

"I'm not…" she whispered sullenly, "I treat you badly and-"

"Asuka…" he said with a small frown, "what is this?" When she looked confused, he went on, "I thought you were tougher than this… are you going to just roll over and let the angels win?"

She blinked, averting her eyes. "What do you know…" she whispered, "I'm not rolling over… I-"

He frowned, cutting her off. "Funny…" he said softly, "that's what it looks like to me."

"WELL WHAT SHOULD I DO??" she exploded, "My mind was just raped, do you understand? SOMETHING JUST FUCKED ME!"

"Yeah," he said meeting her eyes, "and you're just gonna sit there and take it. I expected better from you."

She was shaking all over. "You fucking DICK!" She screamed, "You don't know what I went through! You don't know how much it… hurt. GOD! I'd rather it had raped me for real…"

Before she could react, he pulled away… and slapped her. As her eyes widened, he said softly, "Does that make it better? Hmm? Do you like being hurt? Are you just going to sit there and take it from me, too?" He raised his hand, "You think I won't hit you again?"

"You…" she could hardly speak as hot tears coursed down her face, "you… AHHH!!!" she screamed, lashing out and landing a solid punch on the right side of his face.

He crashed to the concrete, dazed. "Asuka…" he tried to push himself back up, but she leaned forward, pinning him down with her knees.

"How DARE YOU!?!" she screamed, her hands wrapping around his throat, "You think you're so much better? You think you can't be hurt??" her body was shaking like a high tension wire as adrenaline flowed through her. Her pupils dilated to narrow points as she began to squeeze.

Instead of struggling, Shinji merely lay still, staring up at her as she tried to end his life. He said nothing as black spots began to dance through his field of vision. –She needs this…- he thought, -she needs to lash out… or she's going to kill herself.-

Tears ran down her cheeks and splashed onto his face as small, desperate sounds emanated from deep in her throat. In a distant corner of her mind, a small voice was whispering to stop… that she was killing him – she ignored it, clenching tighter.

Weakly, Shinji's hand came up… and gently caressed her cheek.

With a sob, she let go, collapsing on top of him. Immediately, his body began drawing in air, making him cough as his lungs drew in huge gasps of oxygen. It was all he could do to rest his right hand on her back as she wept against him.

Eventually her crying slowed, and stopped… leveling out into deep, ragged breathing. –Is she asleep?- he thought, rubbing his throat and wincing. 

She answered this by pulling back and looking into his eyes. Her face was less than four inches from his, and he could feel her breath on his lips. Slowly she leaned forward… and kissed his neck, making him shiver.

"I'm sorry…" she whispered against his throat, embracing him clumsily.

"And I'm sorry I hit you…" he replied, closing his eyes and sighing. –Well…- he thought, -it's a start…-. 

After a moment of quiet, she said, "I'll find a way to get past this…"

"I expect nothing less from the Second Child…" he replied, "she's always claimed to be the best… and I expect her to live up to it."

"Thank you…" she said, pushing up to look into his face again.

His eyes met hers steadily, "But…" he whispered, "if you do need someone to talk to…" he ran his ran over her cheek, continuing softly, "or if you need a shoulder to cry on… I'll be there… and I'll never tell anyone… ever."

"Thank you…" she said again with a small smile. Her smile fell away a moment later as she looked into his eyes. "Shinji?" she said quietly, "Why haven't you asked Hikari out yet?"

Shinji blinked, completely unprepared for the question, "What? I… what are you talking about?"

Asuka smiled, happy that she had found a focus to take her mind off of what had happened, "You know what I'm talking about…" she said, "you going over to her house for dinner… staring at her in class…" she winked, "calling her house and hanging up…"

She laughed as he blushed, then sobered and said softly, "Hikari is my friend, Shinji…why are you leading her on?"

"I… I'm not…" he stammered, "she… we're just friends and-"

"Shhh…" she whispered, resting her head on his shoulder, "let's talk about it later, ok?"

He nodded, picking up on the note of weariness in her voice. He held her close for another ten minutes, until he felt that her breathing had evened out and her body had relaxed.

Sighing, he whispered, "She IS just a friend… but I wish she could be more…"

Unseen by him, her lips curled up in a tiny smile. She snuggled closer to him, finally letting herself slip over the edge into sleep.

Misato stirred beside him again and opened her eyes in the dark. She blinked as he looked at her, flushing slightly.

"S-sorry…" she whispered, starting to pull away.

"It's ok…" he said softly, tightening his grip, "really…"

"Thank you…" she whispered, laying her head down on his shoulder, "after everything that's happened…" her voice trailed off.

"I know…" he said quietly. He thought of the first time he had needed the comfort of feeling someone beside him, after the incident with the fifteenth angel. He had barely been able to sleep.

This time was easier… but only because he had forced himself to sleep. Taking refuge from the events of that day in troubled dreams – though any nightmare was better than what had happened.

"Do you… want to talk about it?" Misato asked softly, unconsciously tensing beside him. Talking about the destruction of Unit 00 was the farthest thing down on her list of favored discussion topics… but she was determined to help him any way she could.

"No…" he replied, much to her relief, "I don't. Not tonight… not now…" A slightly awkward silence fell as he pondered all that had happened.

He still couldn't believe she was gone. Rei Ayanami had made the ultimate sacrifice less than seven hours prior, taking her Unit, the sixteenth angel, and a large portion of Tokyo-3 with her when she escaped this world.

Add to this the fact that Martin, the mysterious man who had lead the assault on Unit 01's carrier craft, had escaped two days before and had still not been found, and it soon became clear why Shinji felt the need to be warmed by the presence of another.

He just wished there was some way it could have been Hikari.

He had given up on lying to himself… he wanted her – wanted her badly. He knew that she could not be his, but this did nothing to dull the longing he felt for her.

The ringing of Misato's cell phone interrupted his train of thought. "Get that, would you?" she asked, allowing herself one last moment in his arms, "It's on your side."

As he reached for the phone, Misato sighed. –Selfish… aren't you, Katsuragi?- She knew that she was… didn't even try to deny it. She also knew that had Shinji been older, she might have asked him to share more than just the bed. She flushed, cursing her own weakness, -Is it so wrong?- she thought angrily, -I just… need that… sometimes…- She flushed deeper as she recalled her repeated, frantic calls to Kaji's cell phone… hoping that he could provide the comfort her body craved.

With a small smile, Shinji answered the phone, "Katsuragi…" he said.

She smiled, imaging the look on the face of whoever had called. Her smile fell away as Shinji's eyes widened.

"Of course!!" he said emphatically, "Thank you, Doctor Akagi…"

"What is it?" Misato inquired as Shinji hung up the phone, his face still registering shock, "Did they find Martin? Is it another angel? WHAT??"

He looked at her, barely daring to breath, "Rei's alive…"

**

Hikari Horaki was doing her best to fight back tears. "Please don't say that…" she whispered desperately, "please?"

Touji Suzuhara was staring at her steadily, his hands clenched into tight fists at his sides, "I'm serious, Hikari…" he said firmly, "I don't want you to visit me anymore…"

"But why?" she asked, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand, "I love-"

"DON'T!" he said furiously, "Don't say it again, I'm tired of hearing it!"

Her face crumpled. "I don't understand!" she wailed, trying to take his hand, "Why? Why can't you be with me?"

"I just…" he pulled his hand away angrily and folding his arms over his chest, "I just CAN'T, don't you understand!?"

"No, I don't!" she sobbed, hugging herself, "I don't know why you won't let me close to you… I don't know why you won't smile at me anymore, like you used to… I thought you liked me… I thought you WANTED to be close to me…"

As she put her face into her hands and cried, a look of infinite sadness passed over his face. He sighed quietly and hardened himself, "I don't," he whispered coldly, "I don't love you Hikari… and I won't – ever. Now please leave… it's late, and you've been here all night. Go home."

Wiping away her tears, she said quietly, "I'm going to come back…"

He sighed and waved a hand dismissively, "Do whatever you want… it's not like I can run away or anything…"

The disgust in his tone was more than the girl could bear, and she ran from the room.

As the door swung slowly closed, Touji sagged back into his bed. "I'm sorry…" he whispered to the empty room, "but this is the way it has to be…"

He wished with all of his heart that he could tell her how he felt… to let her know that he loved her to. But every time he looked down and saw the blanket curving down where it should have fallen over the outline of his leg… he knew that he could never love her and take care of her the way she deserved.

He closed his eyes, hoping that some how she would find a way to let go… and possibly even forgive him for the way he treated her.

**

Blindly, Hikari tore through the hospital, ignoring everyone and everything she passed.

-Why,- she thought desperately, -why can't he even let me be close to him? I don't even care if he loves me, I just need to be close to him… I need to protect him…-

In the recesses of her mind, a thought occurred and was quickly suppressed: perhaps she was the one that wanted to be protected. She shook her head, trying to erase that thought, -No!- she thought angrily, -I love him… it's not just because I--

Her thought was interrupted as she ran into something hard. She yelped in surprise, flailing her hands as a strong pair of arms came up, catching her before she could fall. Her breath was coming in long, ragged gasps, and she let herself be held, not trusting herself to stand on her own.

After a moment, a familiar voice asked quietly, "Are you ok… Hikari?"

Her eyes widened and she finally looked up to find Shinji studying her concernedly. "Shinji!" she gasped, "I was just… I…" words failed her as he smiled.

"Are you ok?" he repeated.

She nodded, "Yes, thank you…" she felt awkward and confused, feeling that she should step away… but not truly wanting to. –He's still holding me…- she thought, -feels nice…-

He smiled sadly, "I heard that you were leaving…" he said quietly, "I… I'm sorry that you have to go…"

He breath caught for a moment as she recalled the discussion of that afternoon.

__

"You what?" Kazuki said, staring in disbelief at his eldest daughter.

"I… I'm going to stay, papa…" Hikari replied, unable to meet his eyes.

"There's no city to stay in!" her father exclaimed, not truly angry… just confused. "My entire division is being transferred – we're lucky to even still have our apartment!"

"I know…" she said, finally looking at him, "but I can't leave Touji…" –Or Shinji…- she added mentally, flushing slightly. She was still conflicted, not knowing exactly what she felt for the blue-eyed pilot… but needing to find out.

"Will you still see Mister Ikari?" Kodama asked timidly, accepting without question her sister's decision.

Hikari's flush deepened, "I… don't know, honey…"

Her father nodded, "He is a good boy," he said firmly, "if you must stay, I will call him and-"

"No!" she exclaimed, "I… no… don't tell him, papa… please?"

Kazuki sighed, "Hikari… you have always been a strong girl… ever since your mother left us…" he looked away, "I believe you are strong enough to handle this… but please remember, being strong alone means nothing to anyone but you… being strong WITH someone means the world to both of you…"

"Papa, I-" he held up a hand, silencing her.

"Don't bother telling me you feel nothing for him," he said sternly, "I won't have that." She closed her mouth as he went on, "And don't tell me you don't see that he cares for you." He sighed and resumed packing his suitcase, "As your father, I'm asking you… please tell me you will not spend all of your time alone…"

"Yes, Papa…" she said softly, "I will do as you ask…"

He turned from his packing and pulled her into his arms, "Be careful, my little apple blossom… remember that I love you."

She smiled and hugged him tightly, aware that Kodama and Nozomi were also clinging to her, crying openly and begging her to come with them. "I will, papa… I will miss you…"

"I'm… not going…" she said quietly, "I've decided to stay… for Touji."

Her heart clenched as he blinked, seeming to remember suddenly what he was doing. He released her, taking a step back. "Of course…" he said softly.

"We should go," Misato said, making Hikari jump. She hadn't even noticed the woman was there, "Rei's waiting for us."

Shinji nodded, looking away from Hikari, "Yeah…" he said softly, "sorry…"

Misato looked from one child to the other, wondering if she should say something.

"Take care then," Shinji said, stepping around Hikari and starting off down the hall. As he walked, he looked back over his shoulder and added, "and if you need anything… call me…"

"Shinji!" she called, "I… I do need something…" she blushed as he stopped and waited expectantly, "I… need to talk to you… about Touji. Can you come by tomorrow afternoon?"

He blinked, "Umm… yeah, I can do that…" he said, sounding unsure.

"Thank you…" she said. –This has to stop…- she thought, -I can't keep going on like this… it's driving me crazy…-

He smiled, making her heart jump, "Any time, Hikari…"

She watched as he and Misato moved down the hallway. She was about to turn away when he looked at her one last time… and smiled once more.

As he disappeared around the corner, Hikari sighed shakily. "Now what…?" she whispered. The smile he had given her was the kind you generally only saw in movies… it was the smile of someone letting someone else go…

** 

The following day, Shinji made his way to Hikari's apartment, frowning slightly.

The meeting with Rei had been… odd. She had looked almost surprised when he thanked her for saving him – as if she couldn't remember fighting the angel at all.

Misato had dismissed this as post-traumatic stress, but Shinji wasn't sure. The look in her eyes had been markedly… empty. He believed that, somehow, the memories of that battle, and of her sacrifice, were simply gone.

He sighed as he got into the elevator. "And she thinks she's the third?" he whispered, pushing the button, "Third what?"

When the elevator reached the top, Hikari was waiting for him. "Thanks for coming…" she said awkwardly, "I… didn't know if you would…"

He blinked, "Why wouldn't I?" he wondered, noting idly that she had taken her hair down from its braid, "You said it was about Touji… he's my friend, why wouldn't I come?"

Oddly, Hikari blushed. "Never mind…" she said hurriedly. She led him back to her apartment.

He frowned, thinking how empty it looked with only her belongings there.

She motioned for him to sit down on the couch and took a seat next to him, sitting sideways so she could look into his eyes when she spoke. After a brief hesitation, she said carefully, "Shinji, you know how I feel about Touji…"

He nodded, "Of course… you love him, don't you?"

She blushed, looking down at the floor, "Yes, I do… but…" –How do I tell him?- She thought anxiously, -WHAT can I tell him? I don't even know what I feel…-

He looked away, "You've known him a long time…" he said, a trace of sadness in his voice, -I need to tell her…- he thought, -I need to tell her that I can't stop thinking about her… even if she never wants to see me again, I have to say something…-

"I've known him since I was five," she said softly, fidgeting with the hem of her skirt, "and since I was seven I've wanted him to be my boyfriend…" Her body tensed, -Oh God, why am I telling him this?!?- 

He began to turn towards her, "Well, I can understand that you-"

She leaned forward suddenly, cutting him off by pressing her lips to his.

His eyes widened… then slowly slid closed as she didn't break away. Carefully he reached out and put his hands on her shoulders, kissing her back gently.

After a moment, she broke away… but kept her face close to his, breathing heavily. "Sorry…" she said, "I… Shinji I…" she gave up on trying to explain herself and wrapped her arms around his neck, pushing him down onto the couch and kissing him with growing need and passion.

Shinji was taken off guard by her sudden movement, and barely had time to gasp as she lay full-length on top of him and kissed him heatedly. It was all he had hoped for and all he needed. He trembled as he put her arms around her back and pulled her tightly up against him, positioning them so he was flat on his back and she was on top of him, her legs on either side of his stomach.

She pulled back, eyes closed, and whispered softly, "I've thought about you, Shinji…" her eyes opened and met his, "so much. I want you to be mine…"

His eyes widened, "I… Hikari," he couldn't meet her eyes anymore, "I want that more than anything in the world… but what about Touji?"

A tear slipped down from each eye, "He… he doesn't want me, Shinji…" she said softly, kissing him lightly, "you do."

He felt hurt by her words, "So…" he said softly, taking his arms off of her and trying to slide out from under her, "I'm just a convenient-"

She cut him off, grasping his hands and pulling them up over his head, "No!" she whispered fiercely as she pinned him down, her face inches from his, "_I_ want you… you're not a spare, or backup, Shinji… I want you to be mine because that's what I want." She kissed him very slowly, "Please say yes…" she whispered, "please?"

He swallowed, "Hikari…" he said, struggling to find the right words… and finally giving up, "I… yes." Surprising her, he twisted out of her grasp and put his arms around her again, pulling her down and kissing her hard. 

All of the frustration and fear of the past few weeks fueled their desire… and soon they were lost in each other's touch. Hikari moaned quietly between kisses as Shinji's hand slid under her blouse, carefully running along the bottom edge of her bra… then coming up.

"Shinji…" she gasped, "I don't think… mmmm…" her thought trailed off as his gentle caress began to affect her.

"Should I stop?" he asked, his voice low with need.

Her eyes met his, finding them hypnotic. "Not yet…" she whispered, kissing him softly and laying a hand over his, "but I… I don't want to… I mean, I think it's too soon to…"

She flushed deeply, "I understand," he whispered, "tell me when I should stop, and I will…"

She nodded and closed her eyes as his hand left her… and moved to the buttons on the front of her blouse. She bit her bottom lip as he unfastened them and drew the garment carefully off of her shoulders.

As his hands moved tentatively to her bra clasp, she stopped him, "Not yet… ok?" she said softly, opening her eyes, "I don't want to go too fast…"

He smiled reassuringly, "I understand…" he said, then gently pulled his hand away and laid it on her breast, "is this ok?"

She nodded again and unbuttoned his shirt slowly, looking into his eyes, "Is this?" she said softly.

He smiled, "Yes… is this?" he asked as slowly pulled her body against his.

"Yes…" she murmured. A soft sigh escaped her as her stomach pressed against his and her bra touched his chest. Her lips sought out his mouth and pushed firmly against it. Questioningly she ran her tongue over his lips.

He inhaled sharply, his eyes widening again at her boldness… then his mouth opened to let her in and it was all he could do to remember to breathe.

They kissed deeply for nearly an hour, their hands exploring one another haltingly… not wanting to spoil it by rushing. Finally, Hikari said softly, "Stay the night with me, Shinji…"

His face must have betrayed the shock he felt, because she flushed a brilliant shade of red, and hurried on, "No… not, not like THAT!" she said quickly, "I…" she stammered, trying to find the right words… but nothing would come.

He smiled softly at her, "Do you want me to sleep in your bed, or on the couch?" he asked quietly.

Her blush intensified, "I… with me… please…" she said, her voice hardly audible. 

He nodded and sat up, still holding her, "I would like that…" he said, kissing her again.

She pulled his shirt the rest of the way off of him and began running her hands over his back. "Oh!" she exclaimed as her hand ran across something hard sitting against the small of his back. She slowly explored it, feeling body-warmed steel.

He frowned, "I'm sorry…" he whispered, "I shouldn't have brmplh-"

He was cut off as she began kissing him frantically, one hand still resting on the gun and one slipping up to unclasp her bra. "Touch me…" she gasped, running her tongue over his lips, "touch me now!" 

Stunned at the sudden change, Shinji complied, his eyes widening as she moaned against him. She began whispering to him between kisses, tears beginning to run down her face, "Protect me, Shinji… please… defend me… make me yours and watch over me… please… please…" Finally she broke away and got unsteadily off the couch.

She stood in front of him, shivering. Her hair was in disarray, and a deep flush ran from her abdomen to high on her cheeks. "Shinji…" she said brokenly, ignoring the tears on her face, "will you… teach me how to protect myself?"

He stood up slowly, entirely confused by the strange turn the evening had taken but wanting to help. He reached back and drew the gun, watching her eyes widen and focus on it as if hypnotized. He drew the clip out and pulled the slide back, catching the bullet that had been in the chamber as it flew upwards. He turned the gun over and offered it to her, handle first.

She took it almost reverently, holding it in both hands. She let out a low sigh as its full weight settled into her grasp. "Shinji?" she whispered, "Will you show me the right way to hold it?"

He slowly walked over and stood behind her, terribly aware of her bare skin (though she was so caught up in the firearm that she barely noticed), he put his arms around her, resting his hands over hers. 

She closed her eyes and turned her head, finding his lips with hers. She moaned quietly as she kissed him, shaking slightly. "Shinji…" she sighed, "I need you…"

He shivered at the raw, uncensored desire in her voice… shocked that she was coming on so strong. His shivers intensified as she turned fully towards him, pulling his hands away and wrapping her arms around him.

She kissed him deeply, generating small, desperate sounds deep in the back of her throat. 

"Hikari…" he gasped and her hands slid down to unfasten his pants, "I don't think that we shou-"

"Don't…" she begged, "don't tell me no… please…" her voice shook, "let me be in control… just once, that's all I ask… just one time…" She let his pants fall to the floor and took his hand, pulling him to her room. Once inside, she pushed him back onto the bed and took off her skirt, then carefully lay down on top of him.

He closed his eyes as she settled down on him, feeling every part of her except the area still covered by her panties touching him. She carefully laid the gun on the bedside table, keeping it in sight, and resumed kissing him.

Tentatively, Shinji slid a hand between them and touched her breast, his mind whirling at the swiftness of the change in her, -She's so unlike her usual self…- he thought, not sure if this was good or bad, -so desperate… so scared…-

She moaned at his touch and kissed him harder, "Shinji…" she gasped, "touch me… here…" She took his hand from her breast and guided it down to where she wanted it to be, moaning loudly as he made contact with the thin fabric covering her skin.

Shinji's mouth was dry, -Too fast…- his mind screamed, -this is way too fast…-

Hikari felt herself soaring higher as his touch combined with her confused feelings of what comprised safety… and what it meant to love. Her breath fled as she quickly reached the pinnacle. Unable to cry out, she merely shivered and let out a small whimper.

Shinji watched her climax with a slightly sad look on his face, -This is wrong…- he thought, -it's right to be with her… but not like this…- his eyes slid over to where the gun was sitting, -not because of that…-

As she came back down, ecstasy and euphoria were replaced by guilt and shame. She gently pulled his fingers away from where she had them pressed up against her and lay down at his side, resting her head on his chest. "I'm sorry…" she whispered, clenching her eyes closed.

Quietly she began to cry. Nothing in her experience could have prepared her for what she felt at that moment. She had lost control… she had allowed her fears and insecurities to control her. Her one hope was that he wasn't so disgusted by her base behavior that he left.

He carefully put his arms around her and pulled her to him, "I understand…" he said softly, his eyes still on the firearm on the nightstand. He stroked her hair softly as he considered what to do next. He knew that if he left it would all end right there… too much was still left unsaid and undone for him to just leave without talking to her, but he didn't know where to begin. The way she had responded to the gun whispered of a deep-seated problem that he didn't know if he was able to help her fix.

Gently, he reached over and picked up the gun… then let it fall to the floor with a clatter. She flinched slightly, but did not raise her head. "Hikari…" he said softly, "look at me." Reluctantly, she tilted her head up, her eyes flitting everywhere but his. He put a hand on each side of her face and leaned down, kissing her lips tenderly.

She let out a soft moan, somewhere between misery and relief, and closed her eyes. "Don't… leave…" she said desperately, unable to look at him, "please don't…"

Shinji said nothing. Slowly, he reached down and took hold of her arms, pulling her up until she was once again resting on top of him. "I don't want to leave, Hikari…" he said softly as her eyes opened in shock, "I want to stay with you here tonight…" He frowned a bit, "but I want you to be here with ME… not THAT…" his eyes shot to the gun, still visible on the floor, "ok?"

She nodded slowly, "It was never about IT…" she said quietly, "I…" she struggled for words, "I just want to feel safe…"

He nodded and kissed her, slowly running a hand down her back, "Ok…" he whispered, "but let me be the one to protect you…" He pulled her tightly up against him and kissed her again.

She nodded… then reached down and began to draw her panties down. His hand on hers stopped her. "I…" she flushed, "I thought you… you would want to… I mean…"

He smiled, "I do, Hikari, I do… more than anything…" he reached up and ran his hand over her cheek, "I just don't think it's the right time…" he paused, "do you?"

She stared at him in silence for a moment, and he knew what her answer would be. Of course it was too soon – anyone could see that. He was content to wait for her though.

"Yes," she said slowly, "I do… I think now is as right as it will ever be, and I don't want to wait." She shook her head as he began to stammer a shocked protest, "Don't try and tell me that we haven't known each other long enough… or that we're too young…" her voice dropped down low, "I've killed a man, Shinji… I think I have the right to decide when to give my virginity… and who I want to give it to."

His mind railed against her faulty logic… and struggled to reconcile his own desire to claim her in that way. "What if I'm not ready to take it?" he asked softly, "You said earlier that it was too soo-"

"I know…" she said quietly, interrupting him, "but now I think-"

"No," he said flatly, "I won't do it."

She looked as if he slapped her, "You… I thought you wanted me…" she whispered, tears beginning to form in her eyes, "I thought you cared for me."

He sighed, "Hikari," he said softly, "I do care for you… and you know that I do," he shook his head, "but you know just as well as I do that it's not the right time for this yet. I want to be with you – so bad that it hurts… but I don't want us to regret it later. Can you understand that?"

For a long moment she said nothing… then she nodded reluctantly, "Yes…" she admitted, "I just wanted… to give you something special…"

Slowly, he slid a hand up and rested it over her chest, smiling softly, "You have…" he whispered.

She returned the smile, "You sound so corny…" she said with a giggle, feeling the tension inside of her burst and leave in a rush, "now you're going to tell me that I'm the only one for you and that you think I'm the most beautiful girl in the world, right?"

He wasn't smiling, "Something like that…" he said seriously.

Her smile faded into a gentler, more genuine one, "Thank you…" she said, putting a hand on his cheek, "for understanding…" She moved to slide off of him.

He reached down and grabbed her hips, stopping her and pulling her back up. He smiled broadly at her look of confusion, "Hey," he said lightly, "just because I said we shouldn't do THAT doesn't mean I don't want to do the other stuff!" 

She blinked in surprise and then issued a small, happy laugh, "Well," she said, snuggling down against his chest and kissing him softly, "who am I to say no to that?"

They spent several more hours exchanging kisses and becoming familiar with each other's bodies… preparing for the day when they would both be ready to take that next step. They fell asleep shortly after midnight, wrapped snugly in her thick blankets and holding one another tightly.

In the wee hours of the morning, Shinji awoke with a start, shaking off the bad dream he had had and breathing raggedly. He stared straight ahead as Hikari's head pressed against his back and her arms came around him from behind. He closed his eyes and let out a deep breath… then turned and embraced her, pulling her against him with a gentle but undeniable need.

That night… at twenty-six minutes past four in the morning… Shinji Ikari and Hikari Horaki quietly left the relationship called boyfriend and girlfriend behind almost as soon as it had been formed… and gladly stepped into the one that defined them as lovers…

**

Misato frowned as she looked around the control room, -Where is he?- she thought angrily, -I swear that man is never around when I need to see him!- Not that she was exactly keen on seeing Commander Ikari, but there were papers and orders that only he could sign and give… and he had been oddly absent for three days.

"Has anyone seen the Commander?" she asked the room at large, "Anyone at all?"

Makoto and Aoba turned from their desks and looked up at the dais, "You know?" Aoba said thoughtfully, "He's so quiet I didn't even know he was gone…"

Makoto laughed, "I knew he was… I couldn't feel his eyes boring into the back of my head." He blushed at Misato's disapproving frown, remembering that he WAS talking about NERV's commander in chief. "I mean," he said, staring at the floor, "I haven't seen him either… Ma'am…"

Misato growled in frustration, "Damn! Not even Fuyutsuki knows where he is!"

"Commander Ikari is out for a few days," Maya chimed in, coming onto the bridge, "he left day before yesterday."

"What?!" Misato burst out, rounding on the brown-haired tech, "Why didn't he tell anyone?!"

Maya took a step back, averting her eyes, "I… don't know, Major...." she said awkwardly, "he didn't say."

Misato felt foolish for being hard on the poor woman – it wasn't her fault, she was just the messenger. –Something's… wrong,- she thought as the lower-level tech fidgeted, "Why were you given the message?" she said suspiciously, -Fuyutsuki should have known at least…-

"I…" Maya licked her lips, "I was the only one on the command deck. He got a call, said he would be gone a few days, and left… I'm… I'm sorry I didn't get more information, Major…" she bowed her head.

Misato flushed, -Why am I grilling her?- she thought, -She doesn't know anything…- "I'm… sorry, Maya… I've just been edgy lately." She noticed that the girl had a bandage around her hand, -Great,- she thought disgustedly, -she gets hurt AND berated by me all in the same day… some piece of work I am…-

"No…" the young tech said miserably, "you're right, that was stupid… I should have asked at least when he would be back… I'm sorry."

"Forget about it…" Misato said, walking for the door, "if he calls in, I want to know about it right away."

"Yes ma'am…" Maya said quietly with her head still down as the director of operations walked out.

**

Kaji Ryouji took a deep breath and stole another glance at his watch. He sighed, "Only an hour so far…" he mumbled, "better than Misato's average, anyway…" he smiled as he thought of the purple-haired woman. "Soon," he whispered to himself, "I'll ask her soon…"

He knew that things were coming to a head, he didn't need Martin's miraculous escape or the fifteenth and sixteen angels' attacks to tell him that – all of his senses warned him that something was coming… a storm unlike anything mankind had ever faced before. He just hoped that the ones he loved would survive it.

"Lord knows I probably won't…" he whispered. He closed his eyes, thinking of his last meeting with Martin before the man had disappeared…

__

"Wake up…" A voice commanded loudly, "I need to talk to you…"

Martin smiled, "I'm up, old friend…"

Kaji frowned, "We're not friends," he said coolly, "and I need some information…"

Martin sighed, and opened his eyes, sitting up on his cot. "How may I be of service, secret agent man?"

Kaji sighed, "I want to know what you know about the SEELE you said was in NERV."

Martin stood up and stretched, "I've already told you all I know…" he said, "the information on Unit 01 was given by someone with access to secure information."

"How do you know it's a SEELE member then?" Kaji countered, "Just because the information was delivered by one of them doesn't mean they got it themselves."

Martin smiled, "Do you remember Nakamoto's training?"

In spite of himself, Kaji smiled, "Yeah…" he replied, "he spent six hours mumbling incoherently before finally just saying, 'Man is a prideful creature… this will always lead him to fall. No matter how secret an action is SUPPOSED to be, the keeper of the secret WANTS to tell… he wants to let the world know how clever he is. This, my students, you must remember and watch for. If someone is hiding something… just talk to him. Eventually, he will tell you of his own accord…'"

Martin nodded and commented dryly, "You took notes."

"I was always a good student," Kaji grinned, "now what does this have to do with anything?"

Martin sighed, "And you think you're a good student…" he shook his head, "fine, I'll spell it out for you. It wasn't the data itself, it was the way the data was delivered… the things that were said."

"Like?" Kaji prodded.

"Well," Martin said, dropping his voice, "for one thing, I'm sure it's a man… no woman I know is this prideful. The way he said, 'I'VE acquired information that will help in your task…' spoke of pride in his task… as if he himself gathered the data."

"Pretty flimsy," Kaji said doubtfully, "maybe he's just pleased with his mole."

Martin shook his head, smiling, "No, my friend… there's more." He leaned against the bars, "He also said, 'This information is very dearly gotten… *I* risked much to acquire it, so do not squander it.'" He met Kaji's eyes, "He is here… and he is high up."

Kaji nodded thoughtfully, "Perhaps…" He studied his former friend closely, looking for any trace of falsehood or deception on his face.

He found none.

"Watch out for those Children…" Martin said suddenly, "there are only two angels left… and after that…" he let the thought trail off.

"Yes," Kaji said softly, "I know… a tool with no further use is quickly discarded…"

They lapsed into silence for a moment, then Kaji shook himself and said quietly, "If you're mistaken…"

"I know…" Martin replied with a grin, "and you know that I've never lied to you."

"Yeah, well… we'll see…" Kaji replied, feeling suddenly ashamed. –Has he ever lied?- he thought, -Really… aside of that one mission that went wrong – and I don't even know if he lied about that…-

Martin cut into his train of thought, "Is that all you needed, old friend? I'm tired… got more torture to endure tomorrow, you know…"

Kaji smiled, "You know it's 'questioning' these days…" he said, "and I doubt you've been hurt… too badly."

Martin returned the smile, "No, not yet…" he conceded, "though it's not from lack of trying… what my 'questioners' lack in skill, they make up for in enthusiasm."

Kaji sighed, "Yes, well… I apologize for that…" He blinked, confused as to why he should be saying he was sorry to a man who had nearly killed Shinji and Misato – two people he was very close to.

Martin turned away and returned to his bed, "Not your fault," he said with a grin, "I know you'd rather just shoot me."

Kaji wasn't so sure anymore. –Wouldn't I have done the same in his place?- he thought. Sighing he said, "I hope the questions aren't too bad tomorrow… old friend…" Before the other man could reply, he stepped out of the room.

"Well…" Martin said, looking at the place where Kaji had stood, "it's not a day in the park, but I still have my orders."

He frowned, remembering the final set of instructions from the SEELE monolith designated Six: 'If you are captured… do not attempt to escape. Provisions will be made for your… extraction.'

He wondered suddenly why he had ever trusted and obeyed that detached voice. The pause before the word extraction whispered loudly that it was a promise of death.

He sat up, looking around his small cell intently. "No…" he whispered, "oh fuck…"

The minute spy camera on the far wall picked up and dutifully recorded Martin's scowl as he stared directly into it.

It then recorded him extracting a false tooth and pressing it into the lock on his cell… then stepping back, picking up the chair in the cell, and swinging it as hard as he could, triggering the small explosive device hidden inside the tooth.

The very last thing the camera recorded was a heavy boot pressing against it… then static.

The sound of the door opening brought Kaji back to the present. He looked up, breaking into a smile, "Hey…" he said teasingly, "you're late…"

A single gunshot was his only reply.

**

Red eyes glowed in the light of the setting sun, looking out over the newly formed lake.

"Such drastic measures…" the boy whispered, shaking his head, "was it worth it, Lillim?"

Kaworu Nagisa, the Fifth Child sighed. –This is not what was written…- he thought, -in spite of Arael's assault, the Second has not fallen from grace… the Third is nowhere close to being broken… and the First… the First has found purpose…-

He frowned. No, this was not at all how it was supposed to be… hence the reason for his early arrival.

The call had come in three days before, and he had been packed off to Tokyo-3, arriving in the dead of night and being secreted away in the home of none other than SEELE member six.

His frown deepened further into a downright scowl. –It is a sign of how close things have gotten to the promised day that one of THEM allows their face to be seen…- He grimaced in distaste… he disliked that one. There was an air of craftiness and stealth that pervaded the house, making him uneasy.

"I suppose it is as it must be…" he sighed, thinking that the other SEELE members must be very envious of this one's position.

He had much work ahead of him, that he knew. He would not be able to get close to the Ikari boy as was initially planned… his heart was now taken, largely thanks to the failed attempt to capture the purple beast and his subsequent hardening. It would have been fine had the boy died… that would have left a clear path for Kaworu's arrival. Now he would have to be delivered as a backup, rather than an indispensable component.

This did not please him.

"Didn't your mother tell you that your face will freeze like that?" a soft voice whispered at his side.

"You know full well I have no mother, SEELE…" he replied curtly without turning, "I was raised around your minions."

"And as a result," the voice replied, "you were given all the tools necessary to survive and flourish in a world that hates everything you stand for…"

"Tools…" Kaworu echoed, "skills of deception… lessons in coercion… methods of inflicting pain on your kind…" he closed his eyes, disgusted, "an education in death…"

"Don't be ungrateful…" the voice retorted, "without us, NERV would have captured and experimented on you… trying to enforce their own twisted view of what the Unification should be."

The gray-haired boy sighed, opening his eyes. He kept his silence, refusing to rise to the bait. He had often wondered if he would have been better off with NERV – after all, as damaged as the other Children were, they still knew what it meant to be touched by another person. His 'caretakers' had refused to touch him unless they were wearing gloves. He had never known another's touch.

Idly he wondered what it would be like. –Perhaps…- he turned to ask his guardian if it might be possible to be granted that small favor… but found only empty space.

"Of course…" he said quietly. He frowned and thrust his hands into his pockets, starting off for the place that was his residence (he refused to call it 'home'). As he walked, he became more determined that – before his destiny was fulfilled – he would know what it meant to have human contact… and what it was to have a friend.

To be concluded…

Author's notes: Couple things… First – sorry this chapter took so long, it's taking me a while to get a solid grasp on the characters for some reason (especially the sub-characters). Second – several people have pointed out that one of Hikari's sisters (Kodama, I believe) is, in fact, older… so I had to decide if I wanted to correct that, ignore it, or just acknowledge it and keep it as it stands. I chose to acknowledge it – and here I am ;). Third – I know that in the show Kaji is… removed much sooner, but I figured that the attack on Unit 01 and his link to Martin would keep him around a bit longer. Fourth – I also had to fight with whether or not to have Shinji and Hikari sleep together… it was a very tough call to make. Why did I decide to have it happen? Well, ultimately I felt it fit the overall tone of the story… and it just made sense to me that they would seek that kind of comfort in one another… ((shrug))

Big pre-read thanks goes out to Ryoma on this one for pointing out some nasty grammar errors and an inconsistent scene. Thanks man. Also thanks to Lord Deathscythe and 20Eva for pre-reading and catching some other mistakes. You all rule.

Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com


	4. Storming HeavenPrayer for the Dying

Disclaimer: see part 1.

Survivors

Part 4

Storming Heaven/Prayer for the Dying

By Random1377

"My name is Kaworu Nagisa," the boy with the gray hair said, smiling softly at the other pilots, "it's nice to meet you."

"Kaworu is going to be our backup pilot," Misato Katsuragi announced, her voice sounding slightly hollow as she looked down at the floor, "are there any questions?"

"Backup for which Unit?" Asuka Langley Souryu asked, frowning faintly.

"Any that need it," the purple-haired woman said flatly, unwilling to coddle the Second Child, "if anything happens to any one of you, Kaworu will step in."

Shinji Ikari nodded, stealing a glance at Asuka out of the corner of his eye. –She looks mad…- he thought.

Since the fifteenth angel, Asuka had been mostly back to her old self… with one notable exception – she wouldn't allow anyone but Shinji to touch her. It was rather an odd situation, Shinji thought. He had first noticed it when Misato had patted Asuka on the head – just a little touch, as a 'you're such a good kid' joke. Asuka had stepped back quickly, raising her hands defensively and glaring at her guardian.

It seemed to Shinji that she simply didn't trust anyone… and he couldn't blame her, after what she had gone through. –I'd probably be the same,- he thought as they rose to leave the briefing room, -worse, I'll bet…-

He thought that maybe Asuka's willingness to have him near stemmed from his being the one to comfort her after the attack. Of course, there was no way to be sure, because when he had tried to ask if anything was wrong he had simply gotten a blank stare and a mumbled, 'Nothing at all… now if you'll excuse me…'

Sighing, he made his way towards the exit, smiling faintly as he recalled that his girlfriend would be waiting for him at the little city park on the far side of the new lake, and remembering the morning after their first time together… 

__

If there ever was a more awkward morning, Shinji could not recall it. He was dressed again in his shirt and slacks and sitting in Hikari Horaki's living room, staring at the floor as she cooked breakfast for him.

They had said nothing since last night… avoiding the complicated issues of their actions with silence. The first moment of the morning had been the worst. The day began with wakefulness, an exchanged glance, and deathly stillness. They looked at one another for a moment, and then simultaneously looked away, climbing out of bed and dressing without saying a word.

-We both wanted this…- he thought, -so why can't I talk to her…?-

In the kitchen, Hikari's thoughts were running in a similar direction. –What's wrong with me…?- she thought, angrily flipping strips of bacon, -last night… last night was heaven. Yeah, it hurt at first but then…- she closed her eyes, smiling as she remembered how good it had ended up being… and blushing, thankful that her family had not been around to hear her screaming his name.

"This is stupid…" she whispered to herself, taking the food off the burner. She went into the living room, "Shinji," she said, relieved to see him smile as she entered, "last night was… I mean…" she stammered and flushed, "I don't… regret… I…"

He stood up and pulled her into his arms, kissing her firmly, "I don't either…" he said, some of the tension leaving him, "and I wanted to… I think that I'm… I…"

She smiled, knowing the words he was trying to force out… they were sitting on the tip of her tongue as well.

Before either of them could say anything, the sound of the front door unlatching caught their attention. They stepped apart, blinking in confusion as the door opened.

"Mister Ikari!!" a ten-year-old bullet slammed into Shinji's stomach, nearly knocking him to the ground, "You're here! You're here! You're here!"

Hikari blinked as her sister hugged Shinji's waist tightly. "Kodama?" she whispered, entirely at a loss for words.

She looked back to the door and found her father and other sister standing there. "I see you decided to take my advice," Kazuki Horaki said, "I'm glad."

She flushed, certain that he did not meant for her to take his advice quite as far as she had. He said to have Shinji keep her company… but she doubted he would approve of what they had done.

"You're still wearing my bracelet!!" Kodama was saying, "You ARE my friend!!"

Shinji smiled, clumsily putting his arm around the young girl. "Well of course," he said with a grin, recovering his composure quickly, "and you wanna know a secret?" Kodama's eyes were as wide as saucers as she nodded emphatically. Shinji looked around, as if he was making sure no one was watching, then leaned down and whispered, "Right now, you're my second best friend…"

She gasped, "I AM!?" she squealed, tightening her grip.

Shinji nodded, his eyes slipping to Hikari's.

-Oh God…- Hikari thought, -this is what it's all about… isn't it?- 

Since breakfast was already cooking, she excused herself to the kitchen to add more for the rest of her family. She hoped her father didn't see the deep blush on her cheeks as she thought that, for the first time since her mother's untimely death, maybe she could be happy…

"Shinji,"

Kaworu's hand on his arm brought him back to the present. "What can I do for you, Nagisa?" he asked politely, wondering idly why Misato had been so down lately.

"I was wondering if you could show me around," the red-eyed boy said quietly, "I don't know anyone in this city, and I understand you're very kind."

Shinji flushed slightly at the boy's frank statement. "Well, ummm…" he paused, -Hope Hikari doesn't mind…- he thought. "I'm meeting someone for lunch…" he said awkwardly, "but I'm sure she wouldn't mind if you came with…"

The gray-haired boy smiled. "Thank you," he said plainly, "and please call me Kaworu."

Shinji nodded, and they started to walk out of NERV Headquarters. –It's been two weeks…- Shinji thought as they made their way towards the exit, -feels like forever…- He smiled. "I'm actually seeing my girlfriend," he said softly, still thrilling at the sound of the simple word, "I think you'll like her."

-Hikari Horaki,- Kaworu thought immediately, -yes, I know all about her…-

SEELE had filled the Fifth Child in on the attempt to seize Lillith's shadow, and the resulting closeness between Shinji and the Horaki girl. He had been angered that the original plan had been discarded, but he managed to show them only the calm, placid face he had perfected over his years of dealing with the black monoliths and their servants.

"I am sure that I will," he said to Shinji, "if she is smart enough to choose you as her mate, and attractive enough to engage the attention of someone as special as yourself… I am certain she must be an outstanding individual."

"She's… not my mate," Shinji said, flushing brightly, "she's just my girlfriend…" he bowed his head, "and I'm not so special…"

"I think you are," Kaworu said quietly.

Shinji blinked. "You've only known me for an hour and a half," he pointed out.

"Perhaps," the gray-haired boy admitted, "but I have read your profile… and I have spoken with your guardian…" he smiled brightly, "and I feel that I have known you much longer…"

Shinji considered this. "Well," he said after a moment, "I'm glad that you're comfortable…"

The two boys came up short as Rei Ayanami rounded the corner ahead of them.

Shinji smiled. "Hi Rei," he said warmly, "how are you?" 

After the last angel attack, the red-eyed girl had made her presence much more prevalent in Shinji's life… and was actually growing more talkative – at least with him.

-All these people,- Shinji thought suddenly, -it's like they're changing just for me… kinda scary…-

"Hello Shinji, it is nice to see you…" the First said softly, offering him a small smile and turning her attention to the new pilot.

Shinji opened his mouth to reply when he noticed the look that was passing between the two red-eyed Children.

Kaworu's seemingly ever-present smile was just a ghost of its former self, and Rei's expression was…

-Cold…- Shinji thought, closing his mouth and staring at the First Child's hard, glinting eyes, -she looks like she's ready to kill him.-

"Kaworu Nagisa," Rei said softly, "the Fifth Child… you are the same as me…"

Kaworu's smile seemed to grow marginally, and he inclined his head. "Indeed, Pilot Ayanami," he acknowledged, "we are the same…"

Rei leaned forward, lowering her voice so that it was for the gray-haired boy alone. "I will not see him harmed…" she whispered, "not now… not ever…" she leaned back, meeting his eyes steadily, "do you understand?"

The Fifth Child turned to Shinji. "You are a lucky man indeed," he said softly, "to have so many friends." He stepped past Rei, whispering gently, "What will be, will be…"

Shinji looked from one Child to the other, wondering if he should intervene.

"Hikari will be waiting," Rei said softly, moving off down the hallway, "I will see you later, Shinji…"

Feeling relieved that the odd encounter was over, Shinji nodded. "See you later," he said quietly. To Kaworu, he said, "What was that about?" looking over his shoulder at the departing First Child as they continued towards the exit.

"Pilot Ayanami was merely informing me that she was close to you," Kaworu replied, skirting the truth, "and that I should be kind to you."

"Sorry about that," Shinji said ruefully, scratching his head, "she's kinda… motherly lately."

Kaworu smiled, amused by the unconscious irony of the boy's statement.

They finally made their way to the exit, and Shinji paused, looking back at the huge structure with an odd frown.

-How did Rei know where I was going?- he thought.

Shaking his head, he led Kaworu towards the park, smiling as he thought of the lovely girl that was waiting for him there… and never noticing the gray-haired boy's stolen glances his way.

Glances that whispered of longing, loneliness… and hope…

**

Hikari looked up as her boyfriend walked into the small park they had chosen for their meeting. They were terribly shy about their relationship, and chose quiet, out of the way places to see each other. She frowned as she spotted the gray-haired boy with Shinji, looking to the Third Child for an explanation. Shinji shrugged slightly, answering with a small smile and raised hands, as if saying, 'Trust me.'

Kaworu watched as the girl with the long braid relaxed slightly, returning Shinji's smile and extending her right hand. –They will kiss now,- the gray-haired boy thought as Shinji approached the girl, -that is the practice among loved ones.- His eyes widened however as, instead of kissing her, Shinji simply took her hand in his and leaned up against her.

It was an odd little display. Hikari slipped her other hand into Shinji's, so she was holding both hands, and rested her head against his shoulder, closing her eyes. Shinji simply stood still, staring over her shoulder with a far-off, vaguely content look on his face. 

"This is Kaworu Nagisa," Shinji said after a moment of quiet, "he's another Child… like me."

Hikari opened her eyes and regarded the Fifth Child. –Damaged,- Kaworu thought instantly as their eyes met, recognizing the look in her gaze, -the experience in Germany has damaged this one…- He cleared his throat as she continued to look him over. "It is nice to meet you," he said formally.

Hikari blinked, finally releasing her boyfriend. "Forgive me," she said, looking embarrassed, "I'm Hikari… Hikari Horaki. It's nice to meet you, too, Mister Nagisa."

"Please," the red-eyed boy replied, putting more emphasis on the word than he'd planned, "call me Kaworu."

The brown-haired girl smiled uncertainly. "Alright… Kaworu," she said finally. She paused for a moment, looking up at Shinji questioningly, then nodded slightly, "Would you care to join us for lunch?" she asked politely, reclaiming Shinji's hand as discreetly as she could.

"I would love to, Miss Horaki," Kaworu said genuinely, "that would be most pleasant."

-Very proper kid,- Hikari thought absently, unaware of the fact that she had automatically classified the boy as being her junior. "You have to call me Hikari," she said lightly, trying to let go of her unease, "it's only fair." –I just want to be alone with Shinji…- she thought, slightly vexed, -he seems like a nice enough guy… but I don't want to be around anyone right now… just him.-

"That would not be proper," the red-eyed boy said after a moment, "you are Shinji's mate. It would not be appropriate to… have I said something wrong?"

Both Shinji and Hikari were bright red, and their eyes sought out anything but his… or each other. "We're not, ummm… mates…" Shinji said awkwardly, "just… just boyfriend and girlfriend… remember?"

"Ahh, forgive me," Kaworu said with a rueful smile, "you seem so pleased together that I forgot." 

"It's ok," Hikari said, regaining her composure quickly, "it happens…" -Well,- she added mentally, -not really. His _mate_?- She stole a glance at Shinji, blushing deeper still as she recalled that, in the most technical sense of the word, she _had_ mated with him. Shuffling her feet awkwardly, she cleared her throat. "Ummm… I packed a pretty big meal… so there should be plenty…"

As she trailed off, Shinji stepped in. "Let's eat, then," he said, squeezing her hand gently, "I'm starving."

Kaworu smiled softly as Hikari gave her boyfriend a thankful look. –Perhaps damaged is the wrong word,- he mused as they sat on a blanket spread out on the grass, -maybe 'incomplete' would fit better – as if she's lost something…- He nodded to himself as Shinji offered to help her with the basket of food. –Yes,- he thought firmly, -that's more accurate. A part of her was stripped away in Germany, but she has found it again in him. Very curious.-

"Would you like some eel?" Hikari asked, still feeling awkward around the boy with the piercing red gaze, "Or maybe some pork ramen?"

"I actually don't like meat too much," Kaworu said ruefully, "but that salad looks very good. Could I have some of that, please?"

-Guess they ARE alike,- Shinji thought with a small shrug, -Rei doesn't like meat either. Weird.- He frowned thoughtfully. –Wonder if they're related somehow?-

How very close he was to a monumental epiphany he would never know, as the conversation stayed light and fast moving, each of the participants growing more comfortable as their hunger was sated. Hikari asked Kaworu what school was like where he came from, getting the wholly honest reply 'very hard.' Kaworu countered by asking how long Shinji and Hikari had been seeing one another, though he knew full-well exactly how long it had been.

As the afternoon wore on, Kaworu found himself growing more and more intrigued by the couple's relationship. In many ways it had all of the awkwardness of new love. They still blushed when their hands inadvertently met when reaching for the same dish of food, and they still smiled foolishly at one another when they thought he wasn't looking. At the same time, the hallmarks of a long-term romance were present. Shinji would hand Hikari a drink a moment before she asked for one, and Hikari talked about Shinji as if they had always been together.

Overall, it was a most edifying experience for the curious Fifth Child.

"Thank you for a lovely meal," he said as he help them pack the leftovers, "it was very relaxing."

"Sure," Hikari said brightly, sneaking a small touch from Shinji's hand as he slipped the ramen into the basket, "it was nice to meet you, Kaworu. We should do something again some time."

"I would… like that very much," the gray-haired boy stammered, unable to identify the warm sensation in the pit of his stomach from the simple suggestion.

"I promised Kaworu I would show him around," Shinji said, his tone apologetic, "is that ok?"

Hikari ALMOST frowned. "I, umm… yeah," she said finally, a brief look of fear flashing across her face before being quickly hidden, "but you'll stop by later, right? Papa… wanted me to invite you to dinner again."

Shinji's lips compressed slightly, the small pause in her speech crying out 'this is a lie' almost audibly. "Yeah," he said gently, giving her a comforting smile, "I'll be there."

"I will give you a minute to say goodnight," Kaworu said with a smile, missing the sudden, intense flush on both children, "meet me at the gate?"

Shinji managed a nod, trying not to look at Hikari as the other boy waved and headed off.

"He's… interesting," Hikari said quietly, taking Shinji's hand, "kinda like Rei."

The Third Child sighed. "Yeah," he admitted, "but I think he's lonely."

"Why do you think that?" the girl asked, sighing as he finally embraced her, "Just because he watches us like a hawk and practically sighs whenever we hold hands?"

"Caught that too, huh?" Shinji frowned, "I'm sorry if he made you uncomfortable."

"It's alright," Hikari assured him, leaning further into his arms, "I feel kinda bad for him. All alone in a new city… I think it's great that you're gonna be his friend."

"I just said I'd show him around," Shinji murmured, "I never said I'd-"

"Shhh…" Hikari whispered, closing her eyes and smiling softly, "you will."

Shinji looked off to where the other boy could barely be seen waiting by the gate to the park. "I know," he said after a moment.

Hikari smiled, putting her hand on his cheek and guiding his lips to hers. "Go on," she murmured, flushing as they broke apart, "go show him around."

Shinji nodded, taking another look at her face before letting her go. "I'll be over tonight," he promised, "just don't tell the girls, ok?"

The ponytailed girl grinned. "You like that look, don't you?" When Shinji protested that he didn't know what she meant, she smiled wider. "Yes you do!" she chided, "You like that little 'Is he here? Yes he is!' look that they get. I know you do, Shinji."

"Maybe a bit," the boy grumbled, "but-"

"See you later," Hikari cut in, giggling slightly, "and I won't tell them."

Shinji sighed, smiling in spite of himself as he started to walk away.

"Hey…"

He turned to find her face serious once more. "What is it?"

"Nothing," Hikari murmured, her face a brilliant crimson, "just thought maybe we could go somewhere, ummm… more private after dinner…"

Shinji stammered, "S-sure," and blushed an equal shade of red as he turned and headed for the gate.

They had been together intimately less than a handful of times, and of those times they had only made love twice… but since the second time they felt closer than ever before, and the desire to be as close as possible was a powerful one.

"You're blushing," Kaworu pointed out, "are you embarrassed?"

"No," Shinji replied, shaking his head, "I'm just… never mind, I don't think I could explain it."

Kaworu looked disappointed, but shrugged. "Alright."

Together, the two youths headed into the city… and into a fantastic friendship. Over the next two weeks, Kaworu spent every available minute in Shinji's company, reveling in the kindness and compassion the other boy showed him. Shinji found that Kaworu was an empathetic audience, and an accomplished marksman as well.

Their friendship was formed on the pistol range and in quiet parks and restaurants, allowing themselves to grow more attached to one another as Hikari looked on. As for herself, the young Horaki found that she liked Kaworu… though not as much as Shinji. She felt that he was a nice boy, but just a touch odd. He would say the strangest things, like the comment about her and Shinji being mates. But for the most part, she had no problem with him – and the fact that he could make Shinji smile made him ok in her book.

Sadly, all good things do come to an end, and no matter how hard he tried to fight it, Kaworu could not shake the urge to fulfil his purpose.

"Soon," he whispered to himself one evening after Hikari and Shinji had dropped him off at home, "I think… it will be very soon now."

He closed his eyes and went to sleep, thoughts of the brown-haired boy lingering in his mind as the sounds of the night lulled him to sleep.

**

Shinji closed the door to the apartment with a heavy sigh.

"That went… badly," he mused, pondering his visit to the Horaki's, and the conversation he had started regarding his desire for them to move away as soon as possible.

Is spite of the good times he was having with Kaworu, things at headquarters were getting bad. He had not seen his father for some time, and neither had anyone else – including the sub-commander. Maya had informed them that he was gone on an important last-minute trip, and had barely had the time to inform her before rushing off.

Shinji didn't like the sound of that one bit. 

If his father had needed to rush off so fast that he only had time to inform a passing technician, it must have been dire indeed.

Add to this, the news of the destruction of the Dummy Plug system – by the head of Project-E no less – and Misato's sudden desire to increase security around the mysterious 'Heaven's Door,' and it soon became clear that something big was on the horizon.

"Heaven's Door…" Shinji mused quietly, "She won't even tell me what's behind it… or why it's so important." He sighed. "I don't even think she meant to tell me at all. She must be REALLY nervous if she's letting things slip."

He headed towards his room, exhausted from the day's activities.

Tests had been administered… confirmations had been received… secrets had barely been kept. Overall, it was one of the longest days he had ever seen.

"At least I get some down-time tomorrow," he yawned, pealing his shirt off and tossing it onto his chair. "Little time on the pistol range with Kaworu… then a little lunch with Hikari… then a nap." He grinned as he lay down on his bed. "Yeah…" he sighed, "definitely a nap…"

He was soon snoring peacefully, dreaming of laughter, happiness, and a kind-hearted girl with long, dark brown hair.

**

There was no transition between sleep and wakefulness. One minute Kaworu was unconscious, the next, he was wide-awake. 

He sighed, staring up at the ceiling of his room. –Another day,- he thought, frowning, -another step closer.-

"Did you dream?"

He contained his surprise very well, barely starting as a soft, female voice addressed him. He turned his head, finding the seat next to his bed occupied.

"DO you dream?"

He considered the question for a moment, meeting the intruder's luminous red eyes steadily. "Do you?" he countered.

The girl leaned closer, bracing herself by placing a hand on the edge of his bed. "I see things sometimes," she said quietly, "but I hesitate to call them dreams."

"Why?" Kaworu queried, his voice a touch breathless as she drifted closer still, "Why do you hesitate?"

"Dreams are scattered," the girl replied, rising halfway to her feet and invading his personal space, "the things I see… they are focussed… they are definite…" she put a hand on either side of his chest, moving to within an inch of his face. "They are… terrifying."

"Nightmares," Kaworu whispered, unconsciously shrinking back from the intense, unwavering stare of the other, "they're called night-"

"No," the girl cut in, "again, nightmares are non-linear. These are visions… and they do not only come when I sleep."

Finally, the Fifth was unable to stand the tension. "What do you want?" he asked shakily, trying sink further into his bed, "Why are you here, Lil-"

He did not have time to blink… that's how fast the other Child moved. One second, she was braced over his body and the next, the first two fingers of her right hand were pressed against his lips, precluding further speech.

"Do not use that name," the girl murmured, her voice cold and level, "do you wish her to wake?"

Kaworu shook his head slowly, relieved in spite of the hard gleam in the girl's eyes. –She IS the same,- he thought with some relief, -the Mother still sleeps within her…-

The girl smiled, but it was flat and menacing. "Do you want me to speak aloud the name of he that rests within you?" she asked quietly, "We could end it right now, you and I. Wake the sleepers… reunite the flesh…" Her voice grew dark. He could think of no other way to describe it other than that. Her words began to flow like black silk against a razor.

"I would sooner take my own life. Do you understand? What is within me shall remain within me until I die, so long as I have my wish. Those that I care for… I will not _allow_ them to be harmed, do you understand me?"

"Would you claim my life then?" Kaworu asked as she withdrew her hand, "Perhaps… shoot me? Our power is equal… you could do it."

"I have no use for guns," the girl murmured, "those are Ikari's fascination." She studied his face for a long moment before whispering, "As he is yours, I suspect…"

Kaworu kept his silence.

"When?" the girl demanded, "When will you test him?"

Again, Kaworu made no reply… though a small, sad smile appeared on his features.

"Soon…" the girl whispered quietly, "I see."

Neither spoke again as the boy slowly reached up and ran a shaking hand over the girl's cheek. They had been one, once… the Mother and the Father, sharing every corner of their souls with the eternal partner they had chosen. But that was a long time ago, and now much destruction would come of their union.

Still… still it felt good to touch her – to imagine how it would be. He knew there could be two outcomes to the final trial.

One leading to his death. One leading to a reunion of the most destructive kind imaginable.

He knew the reason she would not kill him. He knew it all too well. If he were to die, the soul that traveled with him would be released… and it would easily find its way back to the flesh it craved. Then there would be no control of the outcome for the girl… she would have to wait, powerless, until He made his presence known.

And then it might be too late.

The girl closed her eyes, resting her head atop his chest for a moment and allowing herself a small, infinitely sad sigh. "Unfair…" she whispered.

Kaworu could only nod.

Two minutes passed in perfect silence. Two minutes wherein the First and the Fifth allowed themselves to dream of what might have been had they been allowed to come together as the souls inside them longed to do.

Two minutes of absolute, untainted Heaven.

Finally, the girl raised her head, offering him the purest smile he had ever seen. Slowly, she leaned forward, touching her lips to his for the briefest of seconds.

And then it was over.

The girl rose to her feet and turned from the door, walking out without a single word.

Kaworu Nagisa's room was quiet once more, until the boy whispered, "Is this a tear? Am I the one who is crying…?"

It was only the first of many.

**

"What level you feeling like?" Shinji asked, his tone decidedly distracted as they checked their weapons.

"Let's go for the highest," Kaworu replied, hefting his two pistols comfortably and looking out at the training ground. "I think we can do it."

Shinji grinned. "With you watching my back? I don't think we CAN'T!"

Kaworu smiled, a touch sickly, Shinji thought, and they set the computer to Maximum.

They entered the field together and began making their way across it, eyes alive and scanning for any sign of the defense robots that could easily spell their death.

"I've had a lot of fun these past few weeks," Kaworu commented as they moved. "Thank you, Shinji."

Shinji shrugged, his mind caught between the battlefield and the many secrets flowing through his subconscious. "I did too…" he replied absently.

-I'm sorry…- Kaworu thought, making his decision. "Shinji, there is something I need to tell you…"

"Can it wait?" Shinji answered, narrowing his gaze as he picked up a small movement at the corner of his vision, "I think there's an Intruder robot over there…" he whispered, "should we flank it?"

Kaworu sighed sadly. "Yes," he said softly, "an excellent strategy."

Slowly, the two separated, moving to encircle the location where Shinji had seen the movement. And suddenly, there it was – a jet-black robot, slightly larger than an average-sized man… aiming its weapon at Kaworu's back.

"Look out!!" Shinji screamed, raising the gun in his right hand and pulling the trigger as fast as he could, with barely a second thought.

The Intruder went down, several holes in various places on its robotic body, and Kaworu went… up.

"Shinji," he whispered, slowly floating back to the ground, "this is my secret…"

"Kaworu…?" 

Shinji barely had time to blink as the Intruder suddenly exploded, its internal components shorted and fused by his gunfire.

Rage replaced confusion as Shinji realized what, exactly, his 'friend' was trying to tell him. He looked around, but the gray-haired boy was nowhere to be seen.

His lips pulled away from his teeth in an animalistic snarl.

"You betrayed me," the Third Child said angrily, scanning the battlefield with narrowed eyes, "you said you were my friend!"

"I am…" the reply came, seeming to echo from all around, "I always have been, Shinji… even before we met. I was born to meet you…"

"_Liar!!_" Shinji screamed, ejecting the spent cartridge from his pistol and jamming a new one in place, "Friends don't twist their words! Friends don't keep secrets! Friends don't _LIE!!_"

Kaworu stepped out from behind an obstacle, holding his arms out to the sides, his fingers clearly off the triggers of his weapons. "I never lied…" he said softly.

The brown-haired boy brought both guns up, pulling the triggers with a cry of rage and pain…

**

Misato yawned as she approached her office.

"Gotta… get more sleep," she whispered to herself.

Keeping secrets was hard on a person… more so when that person is also trying to LEARN secrets, protect her 'Children,' and find out what has become of her sometimes lover.

Overall, Misato was not having a nice afternoon.

She knew Shinji, Kaworu, and Asuka were all in NERV in various places – Asuka most likely catching a nap in the barracks, an after-school pastime she seemed to be indulging in frequently, and Shinji was probably on the training course with Kaworu.

Again.

"Waste of time," she yawned, pushing her door open, "how much training…" she trailed off.

"Major," the young woman standing in her office greeted her.

"Rei," Misato replied, "What can I do for you?"

"Have you seen Shinji?" the red-eyed girl inquired. "He was not on the training course when I visited there. I need to see him."

"How long ago were you there?" Misato snorted. "You probably just missed him."

"Perhaps," Rei admitted, frowned very faintly. –But I could not feel… him,- she thought with some concern, -it must be soon… he must be concealing himself.-

"Why do you need to see him?" Misato asked curiously.

Rei weighed her options.

She could not tell the Major the full truth. It would raise too many questions, and she would want to immediately kill the Fifth Child, something Rei could not allow. If she said nothing, however, she would run the risk of being unable to assist Shinji should he need it, as she would need the Major's support, should what she feared was coming truly occur.

"I believe… he is in danger," Rei replied finally. "I believe… the Fifth has hostile intent towards him."

Misato paled. She had been getting a bad feeling all day, and she had tried to brush it off as nerves, what with all she had on her mind… but the idea of Shinji, alone with the mysterious, quiet, red-eyed boy suddenly filled her with dread. "Come on," she murmured, "let's check the range again…"

Rei nodded, and they started off at a walk… that gradually progressed to a jog… and finally turned into a run as the Major's fear of the unknown and desire to protect overcame her. As they jogged, the purple-haired woman pulled her pistol, checking that a round was in the chamber… just in case. By the time they reached the level that held the training grounds, they were running flat out, ignoring the startled glances of the techs they passed until finally, the red light indicating that the grounds were in use came into view.

"He must be in there," Misato panted, skidding to a halt in front of the observation window for the training course and bracing her hands on her knees as she fought for her breath, "they must both be-"

"Look…" Rei whispered, her breathing notably easier as she tilted her head towards the glass.

The purple-haired woman raised her head, her eyes widening as she spotting Kaworu standing in the middle of the field. "What is he…" she trailed off as Shinji appeared, his mouth open in a scream as he brought two pistols around to bear on the Fifth Child.

"No…"

Rei's soft denial went unheard by the Major, as her own gasp of shock at seeing the fury on her young charge's face as he pulled the triggers masked it. "Wha…?"

The air in front of Kaworu shimmered, the telltale spatial disturbance of an AT field halting the bullets less than a foot from his body. Misato cursed, wishing she could hear what they were saying… though judging from the expression on Shinji's face, his words were not kind.

From the corner of her eye, she caught sight of Rei, pressing one hand against the window and staring intently at the gray-haired boy. "What are you doing?" she murmured, confused by the look of intense concentration on the girl's face.

"Helping…"

"Major!!" Maya came into the observation room, gasping for air, "What's going on? The Magi reported a massive AT field inside headquarters…"

"I… think it's Kaworu…" Misato said hesitantly, her attention focused on the confrontation taking place behind the glass… focused so closely that she failed to notice the lack of alarms. "I think he might… might be an angel…"

"No!" Maya gasped, her eyes wide and innocent, "But he seemed so nice."

"I really don't know…" the purple-haired woman admitted, taking another look at Rei, "I just… I don't know."

Maya nodded, turning her attention to the two Children, and scratching the bandage on her right hand absently.

**

Seven rounds of nine-millimeter ammunition streaked towards Kaworu Nagisa… seven rounds of screaming, superheated metal, a certain death for any human unlucky enough to be in their way.

And every one of them was deflected, never coming close to the boy with the red eyes. "I have always been honest with you…" he said softly, ignoring the bits of lead as they fell to the ground, "you have always been special to me."

Shinji's breath was coming in short pants, and his eyes were narrowed, never leaving the duplicitous Child before him. "Of course," he spat, his upper lip pulling away from his teeth in a subconscious snarl, "I never _asked_ if you were an angel – why would I? No, you never _LIED_… you just didn't tell me the whole truth."

"And if I had told you," Kaworu said softly, lowering his arms, "would you have befriended me? Would you have shown me the kindness you did?" He lowered his voice, "Or would you have killed me? Perhaps… taken me in your Unit 01's fist and crushed the life from me?"

"I would have given you a chance…" the brown-haired boy said angrily, "I wouldn't have killed you without trying to understand you first, I-"

"And I didn't, either," Kaworu cut in, "I have had many, _many_ chances to reunite with my Father," he said quietly. "But instead, I chose to get to know you… you who were supposed to be my enemy…" tears began to slide down from his eyes as he went on, "you who were supposed to be vile, hateful beings – unworthy to hold Eden as closely as you do."

He smiled, feeling a gentle wave wash over him. "Kill me if you must," he whispered, "I can no longer stop you."

Shinji thumbed the hammers on his pistols back, nodding slowly. "I can't let you go…" he said quietly, "even though we're friends, I have to protect the-"

"_Behind you!!_" Kaworu shouted suddenly.

Trusting his instincts over his anger, Shinji whirled around, raising both guns and throwing himself backwards as a Defender class robot sprung up from the ground.

Time seemed to stand still as he fell back, and oddly, he recalled the events of that morning.

__

Opening the door to the apartment, Shinji sighed. "Tests look good," he whispered to himself, "this could actually work…"

He shook his head sadly as he thought of what, exactly, they were testing. Misato had been reluctant – and, if possible, more down than Shinji had ever seen her – but had finally agreed that Shinji's idea was valid… especially considering the information they now had about the 'Marduk' report'

"She looked scared…" Shinji mused, "hell, I don't…" he trailed off as his senses registered movement, and his gun was out in bare seconds.

"You're fast,"

The man (-Martin,- Shinji thought, -his name is Martin,-) clamped his hand down over the top of the boy's weapon, effectively restricting the slide from moving.

"Stalemate," the large man said softly.

"No," the Third Child replied, thumbing the hammer back, "there's one in the pipe…"

Martin smiled. "Touché…" he murmured. Seeing that the boy was not interested in small talk or witty repartee, he licked his lips. "Before you pull the trigger," he said, smiling mirthfully, "I have some information that you MIGHT find interesting…"

"I'm listening," the boy said coldly, his peripheral vision catching the clock on the wall, "you've got thirty seconds."

"I'll only take five," the man grinned, "and two words: Heaven's Door." He nodded as the boy blinked uncertainly, "Yeah… I thought that might get your attention. So… can I get you to give me a few more minutes?"

For twenty seconds, Shinji said nothing. "Ok," he murmured, stepping back and easing the hammer down (though he kept the weapon close at hand), "talk."

When Martin left, forty minutes later, Shinji made no move to stop him. Indeed, if what the man said was true, he would need all the help he could get – even from a man who had once tried to kill him.

"So that's how it will play out…" he mused, "and soon… but HOW soon?"

Holstering his gun, Shinji went to the phone… preparations needed to be made… for time was short, and much needed to be done before the storm broke…

Shinji winced, his right shoulder hitting the ground hard. As he slid backwards, the roar of four guns filled his ears with thunder. Round after round found the large machine, peppering it with holes as it tried to raise its weapons. As he came to a stop against something hard, the robot fell backwards, a burst of automatic gunfire tearing from its right arm and scoring the ceiling as it went down.

Shinji never hesitated. Even as the Defender dropped, he swung his arms up over his head, planting his guns flat against Kaworu's chest. With a cry, he pulled the triggers.

_click_

_click_

-NO!- his mind screamed frantically, -It can't be!!-

Kaworu looked calmly down into the other boy's dark blue eyes. "It seems you're out of ammunition," he said calmly, "and I don't think you have another clip, do you?"

Shinji shook his head slowly from side to side, swallowing as he looked up at the Fifth. Neither spoke for a full minute, and slowly, Shinji's breathing returned to normal. "Ummm…" he hummed finally, "I guess you win…"

"Mmmm…" the other boy replied, tossing his guns to the side, "are things so easy?" he murmured. "Does there have to be a winner and a loser?" He laid his hands gently over Shinji's, pulling the guns from him and dropping them on the ground.

The brown-haired boy slowly rolled onto his stomach, looking skeptically at the hand Kaworu offered him. Hesitantly, he took it, allowing himself to be helped up. "What now, then…?" he asked softly, "I can't just forget that you're an angel… and have the power to kill everyone I care for…"

"No, I know…" Kaworu said softly, his eyes fixed on their still-clasped hands. Slowly, he shook Shinji's hand, smiling faintly. "I don't know what will come next," he whispered, "I leave that to you, Shinji. Whatever you decide, I'll abide by."

The brown-haired boy swallowed, looking uncertainly from the other boy's face to their hands, then back again. "I… I don't know," he said honestly. Since he had had some time to cool off, the answer no longer seemed so clear-cut. When he had been filled with rage, the solution had been simple – kill the enemy… protect… defend… survive. But now, coolly discussing the matter with the boy who had come to be his friend, he did not know quite what to do.

"Maybe Misato could-"

Before Shinji would finish the sentence, Kaworu abruptly pulled his hand away, shoving him backwards. As he fell, the brown-haired boy could see a large lighting assembly, riddled with bullets, free-falling towards the Fifth.

"No!!"

**

"My god!" Misato gasped, covering her mouth and looking away as the steel and glass crashed to the ground, obscuring the fate of the gray-haired boy from her eyes.

"Hmmm…" Maya hummed, "is that what's called 'Cruel Irony'?" she mused, "Or would this fall under 'Wickedly Appropriate'? Or maybe… 'Divine Intervention'?" She giggled slightly at the last description, "Guess God doesn't really have a preference after all, eh?"

Misato flushed, spinning around to snap at the brown-haired woman… but finding herself staring down the barrel of a pistol instead. "M-Maya?" she stammered.

"You can keep calling me that if you want," the woman replied, gesturing with the gun for the Operations Director to step towards the door, "if it makes it easier for you."

"SEELE…" the purple-haired woman breathed, paling.

"So it wasn't just blind luck that you got where you are," Maya said blandly, "you actually have some brain cells that haven't been killed off by all that beer." She stepped back, "First Child," she said flatly, "take off your clothes and come with me… or I'll kill your 'son.'"

Misato looked confused as Rei nodded and replied, "Yes, ma'am…"

"What are you going to do?" the purple-haired woman asked shakily as the Child undressed, "Where are you taking her?"

"Oh, you're coming with," the tech said, amused, "since you changed all the fucking codes for Heaven's Door."

Misato tried to gain some control. "Not a chance, I-"

The sound of the gun going off was loud in the confined room, and the bullet hole that appeared less than a foot from Rei's head was small. Misato knew, however, that the other woman wasn't bluffing as she corrected her aim, the gun now pointing levelly at the young girl's forehead.

"Commence operation," Maya said quietly, speaking into the button on her left sleeve, "Don't worry, Major…" she muttered as she lowered her arm, "when it's all over, you'll understand… now let's go."

Misato took one last look over her shoulder as she was ushered out of the observation room… but she couldn't see Shinji through the glass…

**

Shinji groaned, shaking himself as he got to his feet. The training ground was bathed in red, the emergency lighting system having gone active as soon as the array had fallen from the ceiling.

"Kaworu…" he coughed, trying to clear his lungs of the dust that had entered them.

Stumbling over to the wreckage, he looked down, searching for his friend's form under the twisted steel and shattered glass… but all he could see was the other boy's left hand, open and protruding from the pile of debris.

"It isn't supposed to be this way," Shinji whispered, dazed, "you have to tell me to be strong… you have to smile and promise me it'll be alright…" he slowly got to his knees, "you have to say goodbye, Kaworu… you have to at least do that…"

All of those scenarios, those movie-like, dramatic good-byes that Shinji always used to imagine for the time when someone close to him passed away… meant nothing when faced with the sheer, horrible silence that greeted him as he knelt beside his friend. With great care, he reached out and took the pale, still hand in his, mesmerized as Kodama's friendship bracelet caught his eye.

Slowly, never even looking up as the alarms in the complex began to sound, he reached into his pocket. "This was going to be for Hikari's sister," he said quietly, pulling out a rather clumsily made twin to the ornament on his wrist, "I'll just… make her another one and you can have this one… k?" Tying the string bracelet in place, he continued, "those alarms mean I have to go now… and I don't know when I can come back to get you…"

"Or if…"

Shinji nodded as a voice to his left corrected him. "Yeah, or if…"

"You're ready, then?"

"Don't guess I have much of a choice," the Third Child shrugged, retrieving his pistols and getting to his feet, "so… let's get going…"

"Here's some extra clips for you," the other person said quietly, "and… the SEELE took your guardian – and the First Child. I couldn't intervene… her gun was up against the First's head…"

Shinji nodded, putting fresh clips into his guns and chambering a round in each. "The storm is here," he said sadly, "I wish we had more time to get ready…"

"Me too," came the response, "but no use crying over spilt milk – we've got things to do. It won't do if SEELE gets to Heaven before us…"

"Right…"

Taking one last look over his shoulder, Shinji headed out into the raging storm, hoping that he could make it to Heaven's Door before the enemy… or if not, that he could prevent the horrible catastrophe that would occur of they went unchecked.

At his side, Martin smiled. -Just like the old days_,_- he thought, hefting his own weapon, -two soldiers, couple guns, whole army against us – let the good times roll!-

Together, the two began their journey.

**

"I've got activity on catapult 7," Makoto Hyouga announced.

The command deck was in pandemonium. Reports were flooding in from all sectors that armed forces were streaming into the base, and of the highest-ranking official in NERV, only Kouzou Fuyutsuki was present.

"Are they coming in that way somehow?" he asked tensely.

The unknown enemy seemed to be everywhere. Already, the first sixteen levels had been captured, and they had narrowly defended against an outside hacking attack on the Magi. The defense only served as further confusion, as the program in place was unlike anything any of the on-duty techs had ever seen, and appeared practically from nowhere.

"Negative," Makoto replied, shaking his head. "It's… moving from the EVA cages to a launch position."

"What Unit?" Kouzou demanded, leaning forward on the command dais. "Is it Shinji?"

He had given up hopes that Rei would be coming back. The last time she had been seen, it was with Katsuragi… and she was not answering her cell, pager, or the communications device hidden in her red flight jacket.

The odds, Fuyutsuki decided, were _definitely_ not in the First Child and Operations Director's favor.

"It's Unit 01," Makoto reported, sounding confused, "but I can't get any reply on the com, and the body-harmonic readings are… strange."

"Strange?" Kouzou frowned.

"Yeah," Makoto confirmed. "Body temp is higher… breathing is lighter… blood pressure is really high… sync ratio is… thirty percent?" He looked back to the sub-commander. "That's not Shinji."

"It can't be Souryu," Kouzou mused, "I just received word that she's on this level, heading for the cages. She could not have gotten there that fast…"

"Well," the tech shrugged, nodding towards the main display screen, "whoever it is, they might just be saving our skin…"

Fuyutsuki looked up at the screen as an outside camera focused on the sky. "All nine?" he breathed. "Do they plan to do it here?" Shaking himself, he turned back to Makoto. "Try to contact the pilot, let whoever it is know that the EVA series is coming down…" He snorted in disgust. "Damn old fools… Ikari, where are you??"

**

"Ok," Hikari whispered to herself, "just stay calm…"

Closing her eyes, she cast her mind two days into the past, remembering her last conversation with her family…

__

Sitting on her bed, Hikari could only stare at the wall as the sounds of hurried packing reached her ears.

"Shinji was right," she mused, "they can't be here… it's too dangerous."

It had taken her and Shinji almost a day of talking to convince Kazuki that he should take his two younger daughters away from Tokyo-3. It had taken another three to convince him that Hikari had to stay. Ultimately, it was Shinji's calm that won out, convincing the father of the Horaki clan that this was the best course of action.

'If you are sure it is the only way,' Kazuki had said hesitantly, searching Shinji's face for any sign of uncertainty, 'I trust you.'

Of course, they had not told her father just WHY she needed to stay. Hikari was sure that he would have had a stroke on the spot. Instead, they wove a well-crafted web of lies and half-truths, mostly centered around the idea that Shinji needed her there for moral support, and that he would be protecting her.

He had sworn to protect her, as a matter of fact, kneeling at her father's feet and swearing on his honor that no harm would befall her.

It was a promise he could not enforce.

"Hikari?"

The brown-haired girl looked up as her younger sister, Kodama, came into the room and sat next to her.

"You're going to see Mister Ikari a lot, huh?" she asked quietly.

"Probably," Hikari acknowledged, keeping her tone level, "We've… seen a lot of each other lately."

"You know," her sister said, her tone painfully offhand, "Hikari Ikari sounds stupid…"

Hikari barely contained her laughter. "Hmmm…" she nodded, forcing a serious expression onto her face. "You might be right… so if I marry him, should I insist that he take my name?"

Kodama paled, quickly stammering, "N-no, ummmm… Shinji Horaki doesn't sound so good either…"

"Oh," Hikari mused, turning away and biting her bottom lip to keep from giggling. "Hey," she said suddenly, "you what sounds pretty good – Kodama Ikari!"

"Really??" Kodama said eagerly, leaning forward. "Does it??"

"Yeah!" Hikari grinned, "So I'll just change my name, and-"

"Hikari!!"

At the little girl's indignant squeal, Hikari could no longer contain her laughter.

"You're mean!" Kodama exclaimed, rising quickly to her feet and starting for the door.

Hikari grabbed her arm. "Hey," she whispered gently, "I'm sorry." She held her sister tightly as she tried to wriggle free. "Kodama?"

"What?!" the girl snapped, considering biting her older sister so she could get away.

"I'll take care of him for you, ok?"

Kodama blinked, meeting Hikari's eyes with a skeptical expression. "What do you mean?"

Hikari released her sister's arm. "You watch out for dad and Nozomi, and I'll watch out for Shinji, ok? Then, the next time you see him, you can… tell him you like him."

It was a terribly unfair statement, she knew. In many ways, Kodama was the same as Hikari herself – she wanted something, or more accurately, someone, desperately out of her reach. Given some time, she would realize that Shinji would never see her in that light, and though it might hurt her, she would come to grips with it eventually.

Kodama stared at her feet, mumbling something very softly.

"What was that?" Hikari asked, leaning forward.

"I'm not stupid," Kodama repeated, her tone sullen. "Shi- Mister Ikari likes you… really, really likes you." She sniffed. "Really… really…"

Hikari smiled gently. "He likes you too," she pointed out, "he's still got your bracelet."

"I know," Kodama replied, wiping her eyes.

"So you know that-"

"I hate you."

Hikari gasped.

Kodama began speaking, her voice growing louder and louder until she was shouting. "I hate you, Hikari!! You get to be with him, and I have to go run away with dad and Nozomi and hide! You get to be important, and special! And he smiles for you… he laughs for you… you get to hold his hand and I hate you, I HATE YOU!!!"

Hikari just gaped as her sister burst into tears. "When… did you see me holding his hand?"

"Wh-when he w-was at d-dinner!!" Kodama sobbed, "U-under the t-table."

Hikari sighed, reaching out to put her hand on the girl's hitching shoulder. "I really like him, Kodama," she said softly. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

"Not fair," Kodama sniffed, getting her tears under control. "You… didn't even want to be with him, you wanted stupid old Touji – and now he likes you!"

Hikari blushed at the reminder.

Touji Suzuhara had been moved to another hospital at Shinji's recommendation. It had taken much evasiveness and creative thinking to get the doctor's to consent to it, but ultimately they had agreed that the young mister Suzuhara would be best suited in Osaka-2's top-flight physical rehabilitation center.

Having her sister point out that she had, up until very recently, been head over heels in love with Touji opened wounds that had not yet had time to properly heal.

Before she could reply, Kodama went on. "Why do you have to like him now??" she demanded.

"Kodama, I-"

Whatever she had planned to say was forgotten as her younger sister turned and ran from the room, wiping her eyes as a fresh bout of tears began.

Hikari lay back on her bed, covering her face with her hands. "God…" she whispered raggedly, "she really does hate me. Maybe she's right…"

"Hikari?" a small, timid voice inquired.

The older girl sat up quickly. "Kodama!" she exclaimed with some relief, "I so glad, I-"

"I'm Nozomi," the girl standing in the doorway answered, her tone conveying mild irritation, "Kodama's in our room, sobbing about Mister Ikari." Coming into the room, she sat down. "I, ummm… heard what you guys were talking about…" she said slowly.

"Yeah?" Hikari sighed. "And?"

"You're stupid."

Hikari threw her hands in the air. "Well," she muttered, "thanks for-"

"You should have just slapped her."

"Nozomi!"

Nozomi shrugged. "She's being a baby," she pointed out sullenly, coming deeper into the room. "Mister Ikari OBVIOUSLY likes you, not her – and she's four years younger than him. It's not like he was gonna be her boyfriend."

Hikari stared, open-mouthed.

"What?" Nozomi asked, irritated, "I'm right, right? I mean…" she trailed off, suddenly at a loss for words under her older sister's disbelieving gaze. "Just… being a baby…" she muttered, sitting next to Hikari and folding her arms. 

She yelped in surprise as she found Hikari's arms around her shoulders.

"Thanks, squirt," Hikari giggled as her younger sister protested the affection.

"Get off!" Nozomi complained, fighting her way free. "Geez!! Get a boyfriend and suddenly you're all stupid and huggy!! Man, I hope I get to be class rep – I'm tons smarter than you!"

Hikari just laughed harder as he sister huffed and started for the door.

"I'm gonna go pack," Nozomi grumbled.

Still smiling, her older sister nodded.

Opening her eyes, Hikari whispered, "I'm sorry, Kodama… I'm sorry I didn't see how much it meant to you." Shaking her head, she reached out with a shaking hand… and keyed the communications system in Unit 01 to life. "Status update," she said as levelly as she could.

"Identify yourself," came the immediate reply.

"My name is Hikari," the young woman answered, her nervousness causing her to forget her manners – and her last name. "I need a combat-status update."

She could still hear Shinji's voice in her mind.

__

"Stay close to me… IN NERV if you can. And if this goes off," he handed her a small, pager-like device, "you know what to do…"

"Who ARE you?" Makoto demanded.

"It doesn't matter!" Hikari answered, her stomach feeling cold, "I… I need to protect the base!" -God…- she thought, fighting down panic, -what if they try to stop me?-

"I'll vouch for her," Asuka's voice suddenly announced over the com-net, "get her on the surface… I'll back her up in thirteen minutes, I'm almost there."

"Sir?" Makoto asked, looking up to the dais, "the other EVAs will be on the ground in two minutes…"

Fuyutsuki considered his options for less than ten seconds.

"Send her."

"Unit 01," Makoto announced, caught between laughing at the absurdity of putting Unit 01 into combat with an unknown pilot at the controls and hoping that she could really pull it off. "Prepare for combat."

"Roger," Hikari replied nervously.

"Ok… Hikari," Fuyutsuki said calmly, "the Units you are about to face are equipped with S^2 engines – that means they don't have a power or time constraint. Now, this is only relevant as a side note, as you also-"

"Sir?" Makoto cut in, "I've… got no readings from Unit 01's S^2. It's not online!"

"What??"

**

Hikari swallowed as Unit 01 was launched.

"Listen," came the voice of one of the technicians, "you must NOT allow your umbilical cable to be severed, do you understand?"

"Yes sir," she replied, "I know. If I do… I'll only have five minutes of power."

"Good girl," came the approving response, "My name is Makoto. I guess I'll be talking you through anything I can…"

Hikari nodded as the purple machine reached the surface. Her eyes widened as she beheld what await her. "There's… a bunch of people," she murmured, "army troops."

"Yes," Makoto replied, "and the EVAs are almost here. You need to kill the army troops quickly."

"K-kill?" Hikari stammered. "I need to… kill them?"

"Yeah," Makoto answered, "before they kill you, me, Asuka – everyone. Start with the tanks."

Hikari took a deep breath of LCL… and began to comply.

It was the most one-sided battle she had ever heard of, as the tanks and VTOLs that attacked her couldn't even scratch her armor. Her conscience kept telling her that these were just men doing their jobs, but she could not afford to listen to it. When her umbilical cable was cut, precisely ten seconds before the white EVAs touched down, and five seconds before the last tank blew up, she knew how serious the situation was.

"What… do I do?" she asked, her voice shaking as she stared at the nine opposing Units.

Asuka would come to help her, she knew. It was only a matter of time, but the reply to her question chilled her, both in its simplicity and its calm delivery.

"Survive."

**

"So that's why there were no alarms," Misato mused as she entered the codes to open Heaven's Door. "You shut them all down, you bitch!"

"No need for such language," Maya grinned, gesturing for the other two to precede her into Terminal Dogma. "I'm used to it, and it's not doing you much good."

"They'll fight," Misato whispered as they entered the open room, "Every one of them… they'll all fight to the death to stop you!"

The trip to Terminal Dogma had been a quick one, though they had been slowed by the closing of emergency doors and rushing, confused personnel. Maya had kept the gun tightly against the small of Rei's back, and had ordered Misato to give the blue-haired girl her flight jacket, to cover the girl's nudity.

To all appearances, they seemed like nothing more than three more NERV employees, hurrying to their posts.

"They don't have a chance," Maya snorted, "half of them work for us, anyway… and there's an entire battalion of hardened troops coming in the front door right now." She smiled cruelly, "your friends are as good as dead…"

They walked silently up to the immense form of Lillith, the second angel, and came to a halt.

"Do you know?" a quiet voice asked, "How long it took me to figure out that it was you?"

Maya raised her gun, smiling widely as Ritsuko Akagi stepped out from behind the huge cross. "Sempai," she said, amused, "I thought that tricking you into destroying the dummy plug system would keep you out of my hair for a while… what a pleasant surprise."

Ritsuko scowled deeply, training her own weapon on the other woman. "I admit," she murmured, "you were extremely… persuasive…"

Maintaining her aim, the doctor allowed her thoughts to briefly stray to night Maya had deceived her…

__

"Was I so useless?" Ritsuko whispered, staring at the tank filled with Rei's spare bodies. "I can't even find you… where are you, Gendou…?"

"Sempai?"

Ritsuko started, whirling around to find her understudy standing in the still-open doorway, a look of fascination on her face. "Maya!" she exclaimed, "How did you… find this place?!"

"I needed to talk to you about the MAGI," Maya answered, taking a cautious step into the room, "I saw you leaving your office, and I followed you to this floor, because it's important." She looked up at the tank with awe. "Is this…?"

"It's the basis for the Dummy Plug system," Ritsuko told her flatly, "Commander Ikari's PRIZE."

"It's… impressive," the younger woman said hesitantly.

"It's a goddamned monstrosity, that's what it is!" Ritsuko snapped. "I helped maintain this damn freakshow!! And what do I get for it? I get cast aside!! I get sent to SEELE in Rei's place! I get FUCKING IGNORED while he goes off to God knows where, and-"

"Sempai?" Maya cut in quietly. "I know it might not be my place, but…"

"What is it?" the blonde asked, frowning.

"Well," Maya said slowly. "I guess I'm not in a position to talk about relationships – hell, my CAT doesn't get fed half the time…" she chuckled weakly. "But… if I had some kind of power in a relationship, and I wasn't being treated right…"

Ritsuko's frown deepened as the other woman trailed off. "What are you suggesting?" she demanded, following Maya's gaze to the tank.

"I can't suggest anything," Maya replied, scrutinizing the closest, blue-haired body. "I'm just a technician. But…"

"But…?"

Maya wet her lips, turning for the door as she whispered, "But if I was being ignored by the man I loved, I would certainly do something to get his attention…"

Ritsuko considered this as the other woman left… never once pausing to wonder why her understudy knew of her love affair as she depressed the button marked 'purge' on the main control panel.

"You heard what you wanted to hear," Maya said softly, bringing the blonde's attention back to the present. "But I'm just _slightly_ curious as to how you managed to get out of the brig."

"Security backdoors are a nice safety feature," Ritsuko muttered, narrowing her eyes. "Helps to have an out in a situation like that. But I'm afraid… I can't let you win. You may have been right about Gendou and Rei, but I still won't allow you to destroy all of mankind… better to sacrifice a few to save the many." She closed her eyes. "This is your daughter's last request, Mother," she called out, her hand tightening on the control unit in her pocket, "for everyone in the world – die with me!"

There was a soft beep as she pressed the 'execute' button.

Maya laughed.

Stunned, Ritsuko pulled the control unit out of her pocket. The readouts for Balthazar and Melkor both read, 'affirmative,' but the readout for Caspar was marked, "Ha ha ha?" 

Misato winced as Maya's handgun sounded, the bullet slamming into the blonde doctor and hurling her to the ground, where she landed with a dull thump. "What?" Maya laughed, keeping the gun trained on the still form, "You think I'm so stupid that I wouldn't plan for your interference, Sempai?"

When Ritsuko continued to lie still, Maya shrugged.

"You should feel honored," she said, cocking the hammer of her pistol back, "I'm going to kill you myself..." Her smile widened, "The last person to have that honor was your boyfriend, Major." She uttered a small laugh at Misato's gasp of shock, "Which reminds me," she said in an offhand manor, "he asked me to tell you something..."

Misato paled. "No…" she whispered, "not like this…"

Maya nodded, showing all of her teeth, "Oh yes… it was his last request." She leaned forward, her voice becoming consoling, "He said, 'Tell her I'm sorry I never said it myself… tell her I love her.'"

Misato screamed – a pure, unadulterated wail of pain and loss.

"Now that I've discharged THAT obligation," Maya said crisply, leveling the gun at the purple-haired woman, "goodbye, Major."

Rei stepped out from behind Misato. "I cannot allow this, Miss Ibuki," she said quietly.

Maya looked at her steadily. "Now isn't this sweet," she said softly, "the emotionless clone, stepping forth to protect those she cares for." Her eyes narrowed, "Do you think I don't know what you are?" she whispered, "Hoping perhaps that I'll shoot, and the bullet will bounce off of your AT field and kill me? I know you were thinking that back in the observation room… but you couldn't do anything then because the Major was too close, and you were afraid it might hit HER instead. Well guess what? You can't do anything now for a very _different _reason."

Rei's eyes widened as Maya switched the gun to her left hand and extended her right, palm outward. "No…" she whispered in horror as she beheld the embryonic form of Adam, bound to Maya's flesh.

"Yes," Maya smiled, "a gift from your late Commander." She stepped closer to Rei, who stood transfixed, "I'm afraid he was reluctant to part with it… so I had to persuade him rather forcefully."

Rei's face fell, "Commander Ikari…" she whispered sorrowfully.

"Don't waste your tears on him," Maya said with some distaste, "his ultimate plan for you was to use you as a tool… then throw you away – much like I'm going to."

She stepped forward and placed her hand on Rei's breast, "Now…" she said softly, "let The Unification begin."

Rei shivered as the hand pressed forward into her body, sapping any will to fight that she had left.

Misato reached back and drew her second gun, the one kept in the hidden holster on the small of her back (just like Shinji's). She knew that she could not stand idle while this happened, and prayed that she was fast enough to stop it.

As she brought the weapon up, Maya whipped her gun around and fired. The bullet took the purple-haired woman in the shoulder, throwing her to the ground with a surprised yelp. Her gun spun off the edge and into the LCL with a quiet splash. "No, no, no…" Maya said with a broad grin, "wait your turn."

"Miss Ibuki…" a soft voice spoke from the entrance to the huge room, and quiet but sure footsteps began approaching.

"Ahhh, the famous Third Child," Maya said with a smile, not turning to face him, "this is an unexpected treat. I was expecting you to be in Unit 01 by now… or terminated, as the soldiers were ordered. Of course, had you actually MADE it to Unit 01, it wouldn't have done you much good – not with the S^2 engine deactivated." 

She smiled, thinking of this masterstroke. Had the S^2 engine been active, the Mass Production EVAs would have tried to capture Unit 01 and utilize it for SEELE's alternate vision of Unification. As it stood, however, the white EVAs would have shredded it without a second thought. This way, she held absolute control.

Just as she had planned.

Shinji didn't answer right away. Maya watched with an arched eyebrow as the younger Ikari came into view, walking past her and kneeling at Misato's side. She observed that the journey to Terminal Dogma must have been a hard one, as his usual button up shirt was missing, leaving him in a tee shirt and slacks, and he was covered with cuts and bruises – and had one particularly ugly looking scrape on his right cheek.

The boy pressed his hands to the older woman's wounded shoulder, "Are you ok, Misato?" he whispered, smiling softly.

She looked up at him, her bloodstained hand covering his, "If someone stops her…" she whispered, grimacing in pain, "I think I'll live."

Shinji nodded, carefully taking Misato's hands and pressing them over the wound. Then he leaned forward and gently kissed her on the forehead, whispering something softly in her ear.

Misato let out a long sigh, her voice trembling as she whispered, "Thank you…"

"Well, this is just the sweetest thing _I'VE_ ever seen," Maya said dryly, "but I think it's time this all came to an end. Pilot Ikari," she said as he rose to face her, "_carefully_ draw your gun and kick it over here." She held her own weapon steady and waited for him to comply.

Shinji nodded, "Of course, Miss Ibuki…" he reached back and pulled the silver pistol from it's holster, feeling oddly naked as he set it on the ground. He brought his foot back and kicked the gun, sending it skittering across the floor, past Maya.

"You never went out for soccer, did you?" she said with a slight smile.

He shrugged noncommittally.

"I never was very athletic."

Maya was already bored with the banter, "You never will be…" she said softly. Turning back to Rei, she whispered, "Now where was I?" She began pushing her hand once more into the young girl, ignoring the look of pain that crossed her face.

The roar of gunfire filled the room as suddenly as a summer squall, catching everyone but Shinji off guard. "What?" Maya whispered, her voice lost in the storm of sound as she looked around in confusion.

Three rounds caught the brown-haired woman in the back, throwing her forward against Rei. Her eyes widened in shock as she looked down at the three exit wounds pouring blood down the front of her uniform and onto the pale girl.

Shinji lunged forward and tore the gun from her grasp before she could even think to react, "Let her go…" he said coldly, pressing the gun to the tech's temple.

Maya ignored him, turning instead to the source of the gunfire. "Sempai?" she whispered softly.

Ritsuko held Shinji's gun in both of her hands, trying to keep it steady as her body shook with exertion and pain. She met Maya's eyes, "That term implies respect…" she rasped, "you don't get to call me that." She pulled the trigger again.

Maya Ibuki, otherwise known as SEELE member number six, never made a sound as the bullet crashed into the side of her skull. Her body slumped to the ground, pulling Rei down as well.

Shinji knelt down and carefully pulled Rei out from under the woman's body. "This may hurt…" he said gently, placing one hand on her shoulder and the other on Maya's arm.

Rei nodded and closed her eyes as Shinji pulled back slowly. As the hand containing Adam came free, Rei sobbed in mixed agony and loss as something deep in her soul called out to have its lover returned to it.

Shinji let the dead woman's arm fall to the ground, pulling Rei away from it and putting his arms around her, "Shh…" he whispered as she cried softly, "it'll be alright now…" Slowly he guided her over to Misato's side and sat her down. "Don't watch this, Rei…" he said, turning her face away.

He walked slowly over to Ritsuko and dropped into a crouch, "Doctor Akagi…" he said, holding out his hand, "may I have my gun back please?"

"How did you know I would do it?" the blonde panted, still spasming in pain, "And how did you know I was conscious?"

Shinji took the gun by its barrel, wincing a bit at the heat, and pulled it from her trembling hands. "I knew you were conscious from the way you were breathing," he said quietly, "it was too uneven and ragged." He rose to his feet, "As to how I knew you would do it…" he shrugged, "I didn't."

She let out a short laugh, "You're just like your father…" she whispered.

He frowned, "Hang on, Doctor Akagi…" he said, refusing to acknowledge the comment, "once this is over we'll get you some help." 

She grinned, -SO much like your father…- she thought, knowing he had meant help in terms of both medical and psychological.

Shinji walked slowly over to Maya's body. He knelt at her side and pressed the gun up against her right hand, closing his eyes. –Goodbye, father…- he thought, -I hope you can rest quietly… and I hope you find your way to mother…-

Remembering his training, Shinji Ikari exhaled smoothly as he squeezed the trigger, offering up a silent prayer for the dying.

**

Asuka surveyed the scene. Unit 01 was lying face down, its back panel gone and several bits of its armor torn free. The six white EVAs Hikari had failed to kill were gathered around the fallen machine, picking at it as if it was a thanksgiving turkey, and desert was already on the table.

"Have they found her yet?" she asked, hoping for a positive reply.

"We know where she is," Makoto's voice came back to her, "or at least, close to it. Her 

plug was empty when we got to it, but her trail vanished twenty feet from it… I don't think she wants to be found…"

Asuka nodded. –Good girl,- she thought, flashing back to the meeting she had had with Shinji and the Class Rep not ten hours prior…

__

"Man," Asuka yawned, stretching in her entry plug, "will this test ever end?"

She had been in the plug for over two hours, and Misato had deactivated her viewscreen for some unknown reason, leaving her in the dark for the past ten minutes.

"Must be something Shinji told her," she reasoned. This seemed like a valid theory, as she had seen the brown-haired boy walk up to their guardian and address her moments before the plug went dark.

She smiled as she thought of the Third Child… the only person that cared for her… the only person she trusted… the only one who had come to her when she had been violated. That she loved him was unquestioned, but as she had told Hikari shortly after the last angel attack, she had no desire to be with him in a romantic way. She cared for him the way a sister cares for a brother, or more accurately – the way a stubborn, proud young woman cares for the only person that has shown they care for her first.

"Asuka?"

She started, blushing slightly as she heard Shinji's voice over the tac-net. –I wasn't thinking anything bad!- she thought angrily, -I don't need to blush!- Of course, knowing you were innocent and feeling guilty over thinking of someone else's love were two entirely different things. 

"Yeah?" she asked, shaking her head and sighing, "What is it, Shinji?"

"I need to tell you something," the brown-haired boy's voice replied, "it's really, REALLY important, Asuka… I didn't want to tell you too soon, but we've got less time than I thought, so you need to know this now."

"What is it?" Asuka wondered curiously.

Instead of a verbal reply, Shinji activated the monitor, smiling… then stepping to the side.

"You're… kidding…" the Second Child breathed.

Hikari raised her hand in a halfhearted wave. "Hey…" she murmured.

Asuka simply gaped, taking in the unfamiliar, pale cream-colored plugsuit and matching neural connectors… and a small gasp escaped her as she spied the number stenciled on the suit's chest.

01.

"She can't!" the redhead protested immediately, "Unit 01… and Shinji… and… and-"

"Asuka," Shinji said softly, cutting the girl off mid-babble, "there's a lot about the EVAs you don't know. Kaji found out that everyone in our class can pilot." He paused briefly, his voice growing softer, "Do you understand, Asuka? Everyone…"

The Second Child leaned back in her seat, stunned. "Even… Kensuke?" she asked dumbly, "Everyone?"

"Everyone," Shinji confirmed, "Kaji got Misato a chip with a whole bunch of other stuff on it before he… disappeared, there's stuff about the EVAs, and the Children… everything."

Asuka considered this, meeting her friend's eyes first, then Shinji's. "What do you need, Shinji?" she asked softly, "What do you need me to do?"

The Third Child smiled, slipping his hand into Hikari's. "Ok," he said firmly, "here's the plan…"

Asuka shook her head. "Sounded so easy when he explained it," she mused, bracing herself as the mass-production EVAs raised their heads, taking note of her Unit for the first time, "just don't get lost out there, Hikari, I'll take it from here…"

That the pigtailed girl had managed to take out three Units, when she had only piloted an actual Unit once, was impressive, Asuka thought. Sure, the simulations NERV ran in the test plugs was impressive, but it could never quite match the feeling of actually uplinking to one of the giant robots.

Pushing thoughts of the brown-haired girl from her mind, Asuka narrowed her eyes. "I am SO going to fuck you up," she growled to herself, "you can't beat me!"

The remaining white EVAs didn't hear her statement, of course, nor would they have been affected if they had… but it wasn't for them – it was for her.

Screaming, Asuka thrust her control yokes forward, her eyes mere slits as she willed Unit 02 to jump, whirling the massive red beast around and making it execute a spinning roundhouse kick, snapping the neck of one of the other Units and hurling it unceremoniously to the ground.

"You can't win," she whispered coldly as the others tried to move in, "don't you get it? I _won't_ lose!"

Unit 02 became an extension of her will, and together, the two of them pressed their attack. Another white EVA fell as Asuka drove her mecha's fist into its chest, shattering its core and ensuring that the creature would never rise again.

"Mama…" the redhead whispered, pausing for a moment as the last four EVAs tried to circle her, "I hope you're watching me, mama… I know you're in Heaven…" she smiled, the battle momentarily forgotten as a memory of her mother surfaced. A memory of the way she was before the accident. "I'll make you proud," she said softly, not noticing the tears on her cheeks, "watch me, mama…"

Truly, Kyoko was proud of her daughter.

Had Asuka been able to see Unit 02's core, she would have been amazed to find it glowing a soft red… as her mother subtly helped her win the fight. The redhead never noticed as she destroyed the final Units that her timer reached all zeros, her umbilical cable sliced cleanly in half by a lucky swipe from one of the white EVAs.

She never noticed because Unit 02 continued operating, powered by her mother's love – a final gift to a daughter she had been forced to leave too soon.

As the final EVA hit the ground, Unit 02 slumped forward, falling gracelessly on its face. "Are you proud, mama?" Asuka whispered, leaning back in the darkened cockpit, "I lived… even though you couldn't, I lived…"

Softly, she began to weep.

**

Hikari looked out over the remains of her city, trying not to cry as she thought of all the memories that had been destroyed in the blink of an eye. She leaned against Shinji as he put his arm around her, sighing softly as he held her close.

"Is it over?" she whispered quietly.

"For us," he said with a nod, "yeah, I think so. Misato said that she, Kaji, and Martin are going to find the rest of SEELE and make sure they're…" he shrugged uncomfortably.

"What about the EVAs?" the brown-haired girl inquired, "They're still around, aren't they?"

"They will be destroyed," Rei whispered, pulling Misato's flight jacket tighter around her body, "nothing like this can ever happen again." She shivered. "Doctor Akagi will make sure of that – out of spite, if nothing else."

"Why Wondergirl," Asuka said tiredly, "I believe that's the most emotional I've ever seen you." The faint smile that had been on her lips faded, "Do you really think they'll do it?" she asked softly.

Shinji nodded slowly. "Ritsuko and Misato won't let them just lie around… but they're going to have to hurry – I don't think SEELE will sit quiet for long."

The four children fell silent for a moment, the soft mountain wind the only sound that could be heard.

"Shinji…" Hikari said finally, pulling the Third Child away from the other two, "I need to talk to you." She met her lover's eyes steadily, her voice only breaking only slightly as she whispered, "I'm pregnant, Shinji… I just found out yesterday. That… that first time… I…" he face crumpled, "Shinji…" she gasped, trying not to cry, "what are we going to do?"

"Shhh…" Shinji soothed her, fighting down his own panic as she broke down. –She needs me to be strong,- he thought, -not fall all to pieces…-

For a long moment, he let her cry, stroking her hair gently and kissing her tears away.

When she finally calmed slightly, Shinji tilted her head up so he could look into her red-rimmed eyes. "I love you," he whispered quietly, "and no matter what happens, I'll stand by you… ok?"

Hikari took a deep, wavering breath, forcing herself to smile. "I know you will, Shinji," she replied, "and I love you, too… but-"

"Don't," Shinji cut her off, laying a finger on her lips to silence her, "just trust me. I promised to protect you, and I still plan on keeping that promise. I'll stay with you no matter what happens, even…" he dropped his eyes, "even if you decide you don't want the baby, and-"

"How could you even say that to me?" the girl replied, her voice shaking, "To think that I would ever give up a child – especially _your_ child!" she shook her head, taking a deep breath, "I'm just… I'm scared, Shinji… I'm real scared…"

"Me too," Shinji admitted, "but together, I think we'll be ok…" he smiled, nodding as Asuka called that they should get going before more troops moved into the area. Taking Hikari in his arms, he kissed her softly, wiping away the last of her tears and looking into her eyes. "No matter what happens," he promised, "I will always be with you…"

Hikari shook herself, letting a more genuine smile spread across her face as they started off into the mountains, believing in her lover as he promised her forever.

"We can make it through this…" Shinji said softly, "or anything that life throws at us. Because we have each other… we have our friends…"

Hikari closed her eyes and smiled as he kissed her hand softly.

"And we're survivors…"

The End

Author's notes: wheeeee!!! That was fun! Sorry it took so long to get this chapter out, but I had so many other things going, this one kinda fell by the wayside for a bit. Did I say a bit? Gosh, I think I meant nearly a year. Sorry about that. -_- Hopefully I made up for the length of time it took by making it good… man, I hope that's the case. :P Anyway, this marks the end of Survivors – I hope you enjoyed it. Yes, I know a few details were left up in the air, and no it wasn't by accident. I wanted to leave something up to the reader's imagination… and I wanted to leave a window open for a sequel, in case I ever had the time and inclination. That's it for now, I guess. It's been a lot of fun, writing this story, and I hope it was fun to read. Be sure to check out the side-story, Godsend, coming soon to a screen near you. 

Oh yeah, a last note – Evil Maya rules. ^_^

Thanks to Ryoma for pre-reading this one… who's the man? YOU da man!!

Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com


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